Are my parents strict?

Question

Hi. I know this may seem pointless, but I would really like to know if my parents are strict (from the general point of view) or not. I am 15 and in high school. I am not allowed to sleepover unless it's with my cousin, rarely allowed to go to the mall, and my mother is always on my case for being on the computer. I also have a boyfriend they don't exactly approve of, but they still let me date him. My parents may not be the most strict ones around, but it's still enough to drive me mad with all the restrictions. I just want a second opinion. Thanks.

Answer 1

Hi young lady. You're bound to get a ton of responses to your question, both from parents and from other teens who consider you either very lucky, or very unlucky. I suspect that something happened this evening that upset you and probably prompted your to ask the question - perhaps they turned down a request or simply said something at a moment when you really weren't feeling happy with the state of your life. Regardless, being a successful father myself (my son is now married and working on his master's degree to be a teacher), I can tell you something you probably don't like to think about; that is that raising a child . . . I'm sorry . . . a young man or woman, in today's world is a VERY scary and challenging thing to do. Particularly in the case of young women, if you follow the newspapers or TV news at all, you'd see that the prevalence of sex crimes in our country is at an all-time high. The Internet itself is being used as a tool by predators who want nothing more than to take advantage of gullible or naive young people who are too ready to trust, and not ready enough to protect themselves. Your parents sound like they love you very much . . . enough to want to protect you from the very nasty and ugly side of humanity, for as long as they are able. When you believe they are simply being mean or too strict, they are actually struggling with the choices they must make as you grow older, regarding how much freedom you should be allowed to have, as opposed to how much risk and danger could be waiting for them to allow you too much freedom, or perhaps more than you are fully equipped to handle. Parents have a terribly difficult job, and very often they have to be the "bad guys" as far as their children are concerned, in order to ensure that their children remain safe and secure until they are old enough, and hopefully well enough prepared, to step out into this very brutal world on your own. I don't want to put you to sleep here with a long message (I might have already done so:-), but I believe you will find in the long run, that in order to earn more trust and more freedom from your parents, you're going to have to demonstrate to them how responsible and how trustworthy you can be. And if you attempt to mislead them, or you abuse a trust that they give to you, you shouldn't be surprised or angry at them if they back off and require you to earn their trust all over again. As a retired military person, I can tell you most assuredly - freedom is everyone's right, but it is a right that we all have to earn, not once, but every day of our lives, but doing what is right (not just what is the easiest), and by setting a high standard of honesty and integrity for ourselves that no one can put a hole in. I suspect that when you have become the kind of upstanding person your parents want you to be, you will discover that they will endow you with increasing levels of trust, and freedom, so long as you continue to prove that what they are doing is the right thing, not just for you, but for your entire family. I apologize for writing so much, but I saw in your note some feelings of disappointment and frustration with your folks. Try not to only consider their actions from your point of view. To really understand what is happening in yours and their lives, broaden your point of view and try to consider what they're feelings are, and what they're reasons are for the decisions that they make on your behalf. Don't be in too big a hurry to be out on your own - it's a far scarier and more dangerous world than you can possibly imagine, and your time in it will come all too soon. Good luck with your question, and with sifting through all of the many wide-ranging opinions you're likely to see. Use your brain, and not your emotions to determine who's advice is the most honest and the most intelligent, and don't just choose those answers that support what you want to hear. Good night.

Answer 2

Strict, well maybe according to some of today's standards. It could be worse. 15 is still pretty young, but you have a boyfriend who you date, you are allowed to go to the mall sometimes, and go to sleepover sometimes, and use the computer sometimes. While restricted, they are not totally forbidden. I say be thankful that your parents love you enough to take the time to have an interest in what you are doing. Your still a kid. Enjoy kid things when you can. God forbid that you'd get snatched or lured away by some pervert over the Internet. It's scary times out there for us all, but especially naive, trusting young women. I bet you're cute, too.

Answer 3

Would you rather they totally not care what the heck you do?
They are not strict at all. Be glad they don't beat, or abuse you like some parents do to their kids.

I am strict with my kids. They have a wake up time and a bed time, they have an eating time, and a reading time. They have 3 hours of time to go out and enjoy their friends. They each have to be in the house by dusk. There is no going out on school nights and certainly no online time at all. They do not debate my authority, as it would only get them time in their room, which has no tv or computer or electronic games, oh yeah, they are not allowed to play PS2 on weekdays. They have 2 hours each on SAT and SUN to play these approved games, this is only if we are not away mini vacationing in another country.

Personally, you parents are lienent and allow you too much freedom as you are questioning how they are parenting you.

Answer 4

speaking from a parents point of view, I guess in some instances they are a little over protective, like when it comes to sleepovers or going to the mall. But there has to be a reason why they wont let you.... if you have given them reason to not trust you then theyre doing whats best for you, if your a good kid that gets good grades and does what your parents tell you to do, then they are being strict. But just remember, its only because they love you and we as parents--- know what the world has to offer you and some things arent very good and theres some crazy people out there--- including on the internet as I'm sure you know. But, your almost 18 so then you can be out on your own and see for yourself why parents can be so over protective.... take care and be good

Answer 5

So, your parents are stricter than my parents were, but then, they knew they could trust me completely. I loved to read and liked most of my classes, and the ones I didn't like I could still get by in (I was a huge nerd :) Maybe your parents just need to see that they can trust you. If you start obeying them without being asked, they'll know that you're becoming responsible. Sometimes it seems like parents go way overboard, and some do, but it really is because they love you.

And actually, the fact that they let you keep dating someone they don't approve of is way past what I'll ever let my kids do.

Answer 6

they are more strict than my parents were when I was 15. I didn't have a boyfriend, but if I liked any guys I'm sure they would have been fine with it. I got nagged if I was on the computer for a really long time, but a few hours was okay. I could go wherever I wanted as long as I had a ride there and back lol

Answer 7

I had to wait until I was 16 to go to the mall by myself (and that included driving 30 miles to get there, so I didn't go a lot), and date.
I could go to sleepovers, but my parents (especially mom) would check to make sure that the person I was staying with parents knew there was going to be a sleepover etc.
I was your age once (now add 18 years of wisdom), and felt the same way. But looking back, I am glad that my parents set boundaries, and looked out for my well being. I lived in scary times then, but I think it is even scarier now. There are a lot more dangerous drugs out on the market, and a lot more people who like to harm others, and times themselves are just scary. They aren't doing this to make your life miserable (although it feels like it), they are doing it because they love you and want the world for you, and would feel like their life was torn away if anything happened to you.
Be thankful that your parents love you enough to set boundaries for you now. You will thank them 18 years later (or when you become a parent yourself).

Answer 8

Maybe...but, it sounds to me like they really love you and may be a bit over protective. I have 2 teenage boys and I worry about them, all the time. I am very protective and a bit strict, not overly strict though. I just love them so much, that I don't want anyone to hurt them. But, sometimes the only way that they can learn is by their mistakes. Enjoy being a teenager while you can. Don't try to grow up too fast. You only have 18 years to be a kid, but, 60 to 80 years to be an adult.

Answer 9

Your parents seem a little strict but they aren't the worst. It's a bit overbearing to not let you sleep over anyone's house, and going to the mall is what a lot of teens do- there is nothing wrong with it. I could see their logic in limiting computer time.
Just know there are teens out there whose parents who don't let their kids date until 17 and are strict about everything!

Answer 10

They are strict about you going out but not about you dating. I think it should be the other way around. Parents are worried about something happening to you when you leave because they love you. If you plan outings that are safe with a few friends and a cousin they would probable change. It would also make you look more responsible.

Answer 11

Seems like they are a little. Not letting you have or go to sleepovers! Those were some of the best tiems for me when I was that age. As for the mall that's kind of strict to unless they just tell you you can't go becasue they don't want you to spend money.