Have anyone ever been trapped in a relationship?

Question

I have been with the father of my kids for about 5 years now. And he treats me like sh*t. He is always accusing me of cheating and calling my names like B*tch and H*es. We have two children together and he is a really good father and pays all the bills. But he is a bad boyfriend. Everytime he gets mad he always call me dirty names and hit me. He always saying that I have sex with other people. But I don't. I don't have any family, no one I can run away to. I don't have a job, So if I was to leave him I wouldn't be able to take care of my kids by myself. I feel like I am trapped in the relationship. Is there anyone out there that has been through this before? Please I need some advice.

Answer 1

Well, I can see your dilemma. You feel trapped because you have the children, and because he's a good provider, you tend to overlook some of his bad behavior. HOWEVER, think of it like this: do you want your children to witness this man treating their mother like this? The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother and treat her with respect, regardless of whether they are married or not.
I have not been through this before, but I have worked in law enforcement for quite a few years. I'm not sure where you are from, but there are many resources out there for women. Consider going back to school with a government grant - this can boost up your skill sets and you'll get a career you like. This will give you the financial freedom to leave. I can understand that without money, it is hard to do anything, and can't blame you for not wanting to maybe take your kids to a shelter. Please don't put up with his abuse too much longer. Too many women die at the hands of men who 'love' them. I'm not being dramatic, just stating facts.
Do you attend a worship service near you? Even if you don't, consider seeking out Godly counsel in a church. You never know how people might be able to help you - someone might have a safe place for you to reside so you can get away from this abusive person who is undeserving of your attention!
I will remember you in my prayer tonight, and I hope God blesses you with wisdom, someone to help you, and a caring friend.
Much love.

Answer 2

You acknowledge that you "feel" trapped, which is not the same thing as "being" trapped, so you've got the right perspective.

You've basically got three options:

1. Suck it up and keep going.

If you feel like you can't change anything, then you won't change anything, and it will stay like this for as long as you let it.

2. Try to change it.

You can work on communicating with your husband, to help him see you as a partner and a friend instead of, as you say, a b*tch. You can start taking classes, or get a part time job, or find a new man who will help you financially, or enlist the help of friends and family. With time and effort, you can get on your feet as an individual, and (maybe) get the respect you deserve from your husband.

3. You can leave.

You're only "trapped" inasmuch as you understand the consequences of leaving. If you feel that you'll be worse off leaving than staying (because you can't take care of the kids), then you shouldn't leave -- but you certainly should change every part of your life that you can to make it possible for you to leave later (that is, so you can support your kids.)

All that aside, what about your husband? Does he call you a b*tch and accuse you of cheating because HE feels trapped? You both need to talk, to see why neither of you is treating this relationship, and each other, with the respect you both deserve. You've got kids, and so out of all your options, changing things for the better is both the most satisfactory outcome (if it's possible) and the one least likely to cause long-term damage if you can't work it out -- that is, doing nothing makes things worse, leaving before you're ready makes things worse (especially for the kids), but trying to change things and failing merely leaves you where you were before.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I have been there before. My ex husband and I were married for almost 16 years. WE had 2 boys together. He was verbally abusive to me and the boys. He also hit me on a few occ. I also felt trapped. I am also a person with RH. so I am on disability. I finally couldn't take it anymore and fled to a womans shelter with my son's. They helped me for over a month. They had many resources in helping me find a job, a place to live, and helped me pay for the 1st months rent and damage deposit. I can happily say that I now am remarried to a wonderful man that treats me better than I thought possible. There were many times that I thought I would rather be dead, but for reasons I continued on and now look what life has offered me!! This could be you too. I am not sure where you live, but call social services and tell them you situation and see if they have womans shelters and give them a call and see what kind of services they can offer you. Not all is lost. Good luck!!! Mellanie

Answer 4

i was in your situation many years ago i had 4 children and was with there dad for 18 yrs he got very abusive the last 3 yrs we were together he also got on drugs and was drinking and running around with women but i was the that was bad and doing things to hear him tell it i felt so trapped 5 kids no where to go and no job i felt like i had to take what ever he threw my way but i was wrong and almost lost my life realizing this one nite he came in all drunk and drugged up and beat me so bad i has 6 broke ribs and my shoulder was dislocated and i lost several teeth i also had 52 stitches to the back of my head i realized then i had to go no matter what i had to get out and i did i moved to an apartment got on sec 8 until i got my life together after several months i became the assistant manager of that apartment complex and 2 yrs later i was the manager i put all 4 of my children thru school and had a very nice apartment a car and for the first time in a long time i could sleep at night and not worry about some one beating me up ,it wasn't easy by no means but you can do it just believe in your self ,you don't deserve to be beat on and cursed get out before its to late good luck and be safe

Answer 5

Well dear you must take these things into serious consideration. 1) His abuse of you and 2) his treatment of his children. I know you want to stand by this man and protect your children's future, but he is abusing you. Under the statue of the law, he can be confined for that. That means it's wrong! First thing first you need to leave this house, he could end up killing you. You need to keep the children out of possible danger. Run to the nearest woman's shelter believe me they can help you in any way. They will try to help you get a job and all types of help you need. But make sure you find one that takes kids with you, or else they'll be sent to the nearest relative or foster care. If you don't want to take that route try to get the both of you in counseling. P.S. Be careful his knowledge of what you could possibly be doing can make this even more dangerous.

Answer 6

He's got a BIG problem as he has NO business hitting you and abusing you like that.

You have a BIG problem in that he is being such a BIG jerk!

Since you have children together, it's probably worth seeking counseling and professional advice.

But, just as a safeguard, it'd be smart of you to plan on either getting employed or getting more school so as to get employed. Either way, you need to find the door to more options just in case the man you're with turns out to be a complete and total loser.

Sounds as if he's going that way already.

Answer 7

Honey when a man say that u r cheating it clearly says that he is doing it .You say that he hits u then u should leave and i know that u know that it is to be done so just do it move away it sounds hard but it is worth it because very soon u will meet a kind man who will love u and honey ther is alot of fishes in the sea u will get one it may not be now it could be 2 or3 years but girl by the lord it will happen .

Answer 8

1st off, you always accuse the other person of what you yourself are gulity of. So when he accuses you, is it really guilt comming out in him. I live that, my 1st husband did that to me. I was cheating on him (so he said) But, he left me for someone else.
2nd there are plenty of programs that you can enroll in that will help you out in for the time you need. He will be required to pay child support. I am not sure what state you live in but in florida if a parent, male or female doesnt pay, then they will loose their drivers license. You obviously have access to the computer, look up programs that are available to you,and your children in your area.
YOU have to be the one to take the first step. Remember that you may think that he is a good father, but in mental and physical abuse that he is causing you, he is also abusing your children.. So then ask your self, is he really a good father?

Answer 9

I guess you need to find some self respect.

I was gonna leave my husband (husband of 11 years) because the sex isn't really that good, and he travels too much for work. I told him about my plans for divorce, and he booked a trip to Hawaii for us next month. When he's home he rubs my feet and loves to kiss my @$$, (he likes big butts AND he's white; go figure) He does house chores here and there and washes his own clothes and loves to cook when he's home. He plans mini golf individually with each of our boys (3). I suppose I just don't know how good I have it cause when I see sh!t like you say you go through, I think "Jeeze that woman is so stupid!"

Answer 10

ironically i was in a very similar situation until recently. i was with the father of my child for five years also. he treated me like crap. always lying, hitting me, accusing me of being a slut, cheating on me. he didn't even treat our daughter right all the time. he is a horrible person. i knew our relationship wasn't going anywhere but i was afraid. he threatened me and those around me. he had been physical w/ me in front of my friends. finally i just said enough. i got the courage to stand up for myself and put him out of the house and eventually out of my life. i am no longer associated with him nor am i afraid of him. i realized that i was stronger than he was. that he was a coward for treating me and my daughter like this. u can move on. no matter how good of a provider ur baby's father is, he is not worth u sacrificing ur pride and ur safety. u deserve more. believe me, it took me a while to see it. i thought i couldn't make it without him too, that my life would be awful. but i am better off without him. hopefully u will get the strength and knowledge to see this too.good luck and god bless.