so...today my friend came over and we were just talking about sex and stuff because, well, he wanted to. but anyhow. he started going on about how he really wants to do it and all, and how he at least wants to know what it feels like, and i made the mistake in making myself available, as i am bi. he is (really) straight, but you know how some people get when they get desprate...so...umm...i basically was a "friend with benefits."
yes, i agreed to it at the time, but i don't know what i was thinking. he just left, and i mean, i'm crying about this. i can't stand up i'm shaking so bad. and i feel like the biggest idiot ever. because i don't like him as any more than a friend, and i now know that i should've never done what i did and it's killing me. i mean, i literally washed my mouth out with soap afterwards.
i know it's not a big thing to some of you, and it isn't to him either, but i feel almost violated. can that happen? even if i said yes?
i just feel awful and need help. thanks.
2006-06-20 14:29:03 · 15 answers · asked by answers, answers 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
no, what i mean is i basically just...i don't even know. maybe violated wasn't a proper word, but it was almost like i don't know...have you ever been drunk? lol i mean, that was basically it. except i came to my senses a LOT faster.
2006-06-20 14:39:39 · update #1
i think this is the key (from lseetz...):
after a little while in...
"i wanted to say no but felt bad for him and said yes...."
i wanted to stop, but i didn't. i think that was the problem. =(
and yes, i am terribly emotional. i tried to "detach myself" (have you ever heard of that???) and i thought i had, but i kinda "woke up" halfway and was like...sh*t. what am i doing? but you know...
2006-06-20 14:43:37 · update #2
dani_kin: i don't think you understood. now that i read it, it is a little misleading. WE HAD SEX. now i regret it. and i have put the soap down, thank you.
2006-06-20 14:52:43 · update #3
dani_kin: okay, thanks. i'm not sure, but i'll try and take your new answer as helpful advice.
2006-06-20 14:57:24 · update #4
i didn't enjoy it. it wasn't like sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend. it was like...i don't know.
2006-06-20 14:58:02 · update #5
weaver2sl: actually, i know that i'm bi, and i'm out. that's why he came to me. it was just an issue about WHO i was with, you know? but i have no problem with boys.
2006-06-21 00:42:02 · update #6
Hi!
well, i'm a a lesbian and have a very good male friend. Recently he came up to me wanting to have sex, we were kinda drunk and he was really high... i wanted to say no but felt bad for him and said yes....
well, i pretty much felt the same way your feeling now, it happens and it's natural to feel that way, especially to those of us who take it more then just a sexual act. I believe you feel very emotional and guilty about the entire issue.
What i did was talk to my friend about it... we discussed it... i was afraid tat it may continue..... he understood me and it made me feel better. You see it's hard when we try to deal with emotions on our own... bottling it up isnt going to help. He needs to know how u feel about the whole thing. Keeping it to yourself could ruin the friendship.
**hugs**
2006-06-20 14:40:46 · answer #1 · answered by lseetz 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think you felt used and vulnerable and you should feel a little angry but not toward your friend because you could have and should have said no. He came to you with an offer that he probably felt you couldn't refuse. A chance a straight guy! You probably said yes because you do love him as a friend but you also didn't want to hurt him or perhaps felt the friendship might be affected by a flat out refusal. He should never have come to you. If he was curious and wanted your help with this he should have approached it as a: Do you have a friend that you trust that would help me explore this? Or he could have merely asked your advice about how he could find someone to help him. He didn't he came to you expecting you to be the one to help him. The bad thing is that now he would think that this could be a regular thing with you. He will want it again I am almost sure of it. The thing to do is to put him at ease and tell him this was a one time thing which will never happen again and if he ask why let him know that you cant do that because you will be too emotionally attached to him if you do.
I am sorry this happened dude.
2006-06-21 11:31:01 · answer #2 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get all bent out of shape over this. Sometimes we do things in life that we regret afterward, that's life.
Sex is only sex in these circumstances. Nothing more than a little fun and games between the two of you. It can only be more than that if either you or your friend choose to make it so.
If your friend is really your friend he will think no less of you now than he did before. If he changes, he wasn't your friend from the start and you're better off without him. Straight guys will often approach bi or gay men for oral or anal sex as their girlfriends and/or wives refuse.
On the upside, some gay or bi men don't mind having straight "F**k buddies." Who knows? This may be the beginning of an interesting phase in your relationship with this person. Talk about it and find our what he feels.
Simmer down, take it easy and cool it! OK?
Good Luck
2006-06-21 02:26:50 · answer #3 · answered by allankw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa dude, you need to dial down the gay drama. You're turning a minor thing into an epic poem about you and your insecurity. You're making this like 10,000x more difficult then you need to be.
You offered, you had sex, it turned out that maybe that was not the best decision you ever made. It really is not that difficult. Now you go about your life. If he asks for sex again, say you're a little uncomfortable with it and try to talk it out. But don't turn into a quivering ball of weird at him - he really shouldn't have to deal with your indecisiveness and insecurity.
You were certainly not violated, and you didn't do anything that wrong. It was a minor mistake, not the end of the world. No one died for crying out loud. Stop being such an insecure whiner and take your lumps. Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose, sometimes you get rained out. Sometimes you make mistakes, sometimes people overreact. Sometimes you look back on decisions you made and go "what the hell was I thinking?!?!". But the key is to put down that bar of soap, get the f*ck over it and LEARN from your mistakes
2006-06-20 21:50:40 · answer #4 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The big mistake wasn't in having sex with him because he's curious. It's having sex with a friend. Sex can ruin friendships big time. The next time you see him or talk to him will be extremely uncomfortable. You weren't violated you willingly provided a service. Get over that because you can't change it. What you need to be prepared for is your next face-to-face and the embarassment etc. that may occur. Don't worry about it so much though, he knew what he was getting into and I assume you both had a good time.
2006-06-20 21:38:05 · answer #5 · answered by gobsagoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend, don't be so hard on yourself. We've all made mistakes. It sounds like your heart had good intentions. You helped someone to answer questions about themself. They could have gone to an adult store an accidently picked up an undercover cop. Ask yourself these questions: Are you clean & safe? Do you trust him enough? Will he want to keep coming back and basically use you for your "benefits" only? Are you out? If not, will he out you? Once again, it sounds like your heart is in the right place. Just be more cautious next time. Stay safe.
2006-06-20 21:46:09 · answer #6 · answered by price check aisle 5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably a little freaked out 2, maybe more than you.... you should chill a little, call him tomorrow or something, and just hang out and have a good time as usual.... it will feel awkward at first, but then he will know you aren't after him, and it will help him to feel okay about it too..... yeah, and don't have sex with friends like that ..... unless you feel you both have a totally good understanding before hand.... cuz it could be really worth it...lol
2006-06-20 21:46:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey man whats the big deal,we all make mistakes, move on,but what if he tells all your other friends which he is quite likely too, he's a male so he will want to boast about it, if he tells someone your a poof then make sure your friends know he was the one who conned you into doing it,But the big deal is, now you know where your sexual preferences lie, don't you?
2006-06-20 22:37:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you learned your lesson, but try not to feel too guilty or upset. We all make mistakes. Just know that realistically, you shouldn't have sex with a friend again.
2006-06-20 23:03:24 · answer #9 · answered by Nick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, get up. Don't torture yourself over what you did with good intentions. But, be careful in future, don't just go on offering yourself to appease others or see them feel happy. And if you're equally into it and enjoying on your part, what's there that disturbs you then. You got your share even if by mistake.
2006-06-20 21:57:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋