We lead a not so busy and not so boring life. But, Its like I need his attention ALL the time. Lately, I've even been thinking that hes cheating on me, when there isnt really any proof there, only cell calls from a female coworker, pertaining to work. I'm going nutz here. Why do I need his attention all the time to feel like we are doing ok in our relationship? Is it just because I've been looking so hard for so long for a job and I'm just bored? He really is a wonderful guy and my heart says hes not cheating, but my brain tells me that if hes not paying attention to me all the time, then he must be paying his attentions to someone else. Its not a self esteem issue here, but I just feel insecure. Why?
2006-06-20 13:30:25 · 11 answers · asked by kdenssticky 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What a great question! 99% of the people who are in your situation don't ask that question; instead, they ask "Why is my fiance ignoring me" or "How can I tell if my fiance is cheating on me?"
Since you've started down the path correctly, keep going in the right direction; let him know how you feel. Don't say "I am convinced you're cheating on me, even though you're probably not", unless you are comfortable being that honest -- instead, say "I'm feeling like I'm in a rut. I can't find a job, and when you're not around, I feel bored and lonely and depressed. I'd like to talk about it, to see if you can help me get out of this rut."
After all, one of the great things about being in a relationship is that you have someone else to help you through the bad stuff. This is a perfect opportunity for your fiance to prove that's he's good long-term relationship material; perhaps he'll go out of his way to spend more time with you, or he'll suggest activities (separate or together) that will do you some good, or he'll help you with your job hunt, or he'll simply lend a sympathetic ear -- you get the idea.
Of course, there's always the chance that he will admit an affair -- sometimes intuition can be frighteningly accurate -- but if he does, isn't it good to find out before the wedding?
In short: you've got the right attitude about this, now stop asking strangers on the internet and go talk to your partner -- that's why you have one.
2006-06-20 13:36:19 · answer #1 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
insecurity... that's why you feel that way. It's common so don't feel alone. Sometimes insecurities are caused by anxieties beyond your control. I.e. a chemical imbalance. If your insecurities are taking you to the nutz-so point you may want to talk to a doc about it. And... I'm sorry but it is a self esteem issue. There's something inside that tells you that you need the attention. As far as the cheating, could be that he is and could be that he isn't- I hope he isn't but sometimes you never know until by accident. Trust your heart and in God- if you are that type of person. Best wishes to you!
2006-06-20 13:35:24 · answer #2 · answered by Dani Bo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You my dear are scared of being alone, the insecurity slowly develop es into a paranoid type mental state, even jealousy. Changing some one to receive more love is inadvertently a noose around your own neck. You should speak to him, explain your fears, if you are fobbed off move on before you are an emotional mess, with a broken heart. Dont forget that men need their own time too, put a man in a corner he'll come out fighting every time, where as women are more likely to submit. Relationships are a mine field, and you know when you step on one, so good luck for the future I hope my little bit of experience assists you.
2006-06-20 14:25:50 · answer #3 · answered by Mosez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't answer the why part but I can say that if you feel this need for his constant undivided attention maybe you need to pursue other interests. Join a health club or a bowling league become busy. Try some thing that doesn't involve him. Just because he isn't giving you his full attention 24/7 doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
2006-06-20 13:39:48 · answer #4 · answered by Ethan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their are two things you need to realize:
1. Though you plan to have a long and prosperous relationship with this man any thing can happen and he has the possibility to pass away before you, so if (god forbid) this happens, what are you gonna do then. Weep on side of the bed?
and
2. What kind of things did you value or put your time into before you fell in love with this so called beautiful creature.
A watched pot never boils... Leave him alone for two seconds and watch him simmer for ya... Good luck....
2006-06-20 13:38:46 · answer #5 · answered by Bianca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a self esteem and insecurity issue. You are probably co-dependent. You will have a healthier marriage if you are able to work on this now. There are lots of books on codependency. Here's one:
2006-06-20 13:45:40 · answer #6 · answered by daisy519 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to like who you are, and get a life of your own. Find some hobby, or extra job, but get involved somehow.
You have too much time on your hands, and your imagination, is running rampant, with you. It needs to be used constructively.
2006-06-20 13:34:04 · answer #7 · answered by johnb693 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you have to much time on your hands, but since he is working he is tired. Why don't you give him your attention.
It goes both ways.
2006-06-20 13:34:23 · answer #8 · answered by cheeky chic 379 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am the same way with my bf. i dont need his attention i just want it. i dont want to be around anyone else. i dont know why it is. i think the reason why i am that way is bc he has cheated and i want to know that he is only with me. i think the reason is you might be scared that he could leave you for someone else so you want him to prove that he is with only you.
2006-06-20 13:35:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you probably AREN'T getting enough attention from him! Now that you know what the problem is, fix it.
2006-06-20 13:34:25 · answer #10 · answered by Jen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋