Do you have any funny stories or anything to make me laugh? After all, laughter is the best medicine and I'm so bored right now..........................
2006-06-20 13:23:56 · 15 answers · asked by Megan C 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Okay, so the other day my family and I went out to dinner, and my son (6 years old) and my husband are on one side of a booth and me and my daughter on the other side. All of the sudden, my son is like, "Ew, dad, I heard that!!" My husband is all, "I did too Toby, did you fart?" And my son said no. Turns out it was the dude in the booth just behind them, and he totally heard my son announce it to everyone! Funny stuff.
2006-06-20 13:29:54 · answer #1 · answered by chelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try these.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ***?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last *******.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!
Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the ****.'
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're ******.
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
2006-06-23 05:11:43 · answer #2 · answered by Angel_Anton 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Does anyone ever vanish with a trace?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If Fed Ex and UPS merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're still ahead?"
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Don't they all stop eventually?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
You know how most packages say "Open here" What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else?"
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane with the same substance?
Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
2006-06-20 13:30:23 · answer #3 · answered by melissa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here, I'll email you my favorite bottle of laughter medicine. Comes in small, medium, large, and extra large. Flavors: Chocolate, Strawberry, Cherry, and Rocky Road. I prefer the extra large Rocky Road. Along with your favorite movie of all times.
Ready for your order!
2006-06-20 14:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by Dottie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a leak in our ceiling in the kitchen and above the kitchen is the bathroom. Someone left the sink on in the bathroom upstairs and the whole kitchen looked like a swimming pool and it took us 5 hours to clean it up. We were all freaking out and running around and instead of cleaning it, I filmed it. But I did my part.
2006-06-20 13:29:12 · answer #5 · answered by Meeshell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Names
I work with hundreds of names every day, I crack up!
The best to this day is... Fuxin Sun.. I sent sunblock.
Merry Derryberry
It goes on and on..
At dinner one night, at a restaurant, my four year old son burped very loud and long then he said (very loud) Mom, I farted in my throat! The place cracked up!
2006-06-20 13:34:37 · answer #6 · answered by LN has3 zjc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked "Why the long face" Hahahhaha. Yeah.
2006-06-20 13:27:21 · answer #7 · answered by slick_3501 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my 23 year old fiance is scared of the dark. so one night i asked him to go down stairs for me to get me a cold drink, he winged for a while and then went and got me one, on his way back i heard him screaming while he was running back up the stairs, a loud thud another scream and then finally he came back with my drink,he was screaming because the light on the stairs blew out then while he was running up the stairs to get away from the dark he nearly broke his finger. he locked our bedroom door when he got back so the boogy man wont get him.
i think it is so funny. he's not scared of the dark but the noises our house makes at night. another one about my fiance.
we were at my dads house, and we were sitting in the lounge room at about 10pm when my dad said alright im going to bed. after he went Mik went out the back to steal one of his beers, trying to be real quiet and not wake my dad, he went out side to the bar fridge which is located right next to the spa, and left the lights off, he opened the fridge grabbed a beer and then tripped making a real loud noise as he fell h elanded on the spa turning it on, this woke my dad up, he came out in nothing but his undies half asleep, "what thell is going on?" he said turned the light on to see my dumbb *** fiance on the ground wet and holding dads beer. my dad pissed himself laughing Mik was so embarrassed, he brings a carton of beer to my dads everytime we go to visit him. these stories are so funny to me. i hope my dad brings it up at our wedding, he probably will.
2006-06-20 13:32:11 · answer #8 · answered by Krissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anecdote from Reader's Digest July 2006:
"On vacation my nine-year-old son, Ryan, and I were poolside, where two women wearing thong bikinis were sunning themselves. i noticed Ryan kept staring at them, but he'd occasionally glance back at me. When they got up to leave, Ryan watched them particularly closely. I was bracing myself for questions he might have when he turned to me and whispered, "Dad, can I take that candy bar those girls left behind?" "
2006-06-20 13:28:19 · answer #9 · answered by starr 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yeah i got one
ok click my name
then look at questions i've answered
the one that asks for jokes,
"any good jokes"
look for my answer
i think it's the first one
i hope u like it
have a nice day! : )
2006-06-20 13:26:49 · answer #10 · answered by lil_bit_a_evrythang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋