He has already moved out has an apartment and now wants to marry me.I feel badly beacuse he was married for 20 years.He is the one that wanted all off this not me. I wanted to take it slow.What should I do?
2006-06-20 12:29:50 · 17 answers · asked by 12stepchic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go with your first instinct. It was right. You both need to slow WAAAAYYYY down. Require him to completely finish up his last relationship before moving on to a new one with you.
Now, if he's already filed the paperwork for divorce and is just waiting the perfunctory 90 days until it is signed off by a judge, that's a little different. But if neither he nor his soon-to-be-ex-wife have filed the necessary paperwork, make it clear that you will not engage in a relationship with him until that is taken care of.
Yeah, in all liklihood, his marriage is over. But it could come back to bite you in the tush if the situation is handled poorly.
Also, remember this...if he began a relationship with you during his other marriage, what is to stop him from beginning another one with someone else once you become the wife?
Trust your own judgement and insticts. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Just make sure to use it and don't defer to his judgement. His obviously isn't the sharpest.
2006-06-20 12:39:37 · answer #1 · answered by Bob S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have got to be kidding...if he loves you, you can wait until the dust settles.!! This is for your sake, not his. He is out of a 20 year marriage and wants to jump back into another because that is all he has known. If you jump with him, within a year or so, there is a real danger that you will be in divorce proceedings. Give him some time ... those ex wives can look really good once you are away from them. And, if they are going to look good, you want to know about it BEFORE you get married. I can give you 50 reasons why NOT to get married YET, but only one to go for it...IF you marry him now, he may NOT find out that he likes freedom. I have seen this so many times before...out of one marriage and right into another. I suspect the chances of it working out are no worse than anyone else's chances. I guess the real question is .... "DO you want to marry him?" If you take it slow, the parade may pass you by. If you jump into marriage, the parade may pass you by. IT is a crap shoot at best. Your choice. AND the best of luck to you both..I mean that. I see so much "judgement" in the answers above...answers you didn't ask for in your question. This isn't a moral issue, it is a "future" issue. If you can trust that he knows his mind today, and will tomorrow, then go for it. If not, then wait.
2006-06-20 12:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you get involved right now, your the rebound. Getting a divorce is the same as going through the emotional roller coaster of a death. You are losing that person. He may say he loves and wants to marry you but wait. Let him go to therapy, be on his own, get over the separation (death of the relationship) and leave him alone! If you don't, you will be the next ex-Mrs._____. Call him in about a year, if he is still serious.......
2006-06-20 12:34:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've gotten some good advice.
I hope you are able to hear it.
Keep in mind that he's probably very scared about being "on his own" after 20+ years of a relationship. That may be why he's pushing to get married.
Let him be on his own... get into therapy... and find himself. If you love him, you will give him this gift.
He will thank you for it and love you all the more.
2006-06-20 13:02:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should still take it slow, because he is just getting out of a long relationship. I would want to make sure he is really over all the pain and misery he has been through. Otherwise it could carry over to your relationship with him.
2006-06-20 12:36:10 · answer #5 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is still married and wants to have a relationship with you. Then he will probably do the same thing to you that he is doing to his current wife.
2006-06-20 12:34:37 · answer #6 · answered by on my way 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would hold off on this one...how long have you all been knowing each other? if he is dealing with you while he is still married, why don't you think he will do it to you? he's been married for 20 years and all of a sudden gone? i think you would be moving too fast if you proceeded with this one..let him get his thoughts together for a while...
2006-06-20 14:50:07 · answer #7 · answered by heresthedeal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must not have felt too bad for his wife since you committed adultery with her husband! Are you scared now that he's not with his wife any more? You said that he was the one who wanted all of this and not you. Well don't do it then since you want to go slow!
2006-06-20 12:36:59 · answer #8 · answered by girlatlake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stay firm and do what you want to do rather than letting someone lead you into something your not ready for. And yes its wrong to be involved until he cuts all ties with his wife.
2006-06-20 13:03:13 · answer #9 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he is NO longer married. tell him to finish that before he starts this.
He might be scared to be alone too.
2006-06-20 12:37:34 · answer #10 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋