have been married 5 years 1 kid theres infidelity & lies on his part no longer feel like i can trust him?

Question

He keeps asking for me to forgive him, no matter what, as soon as I decide to try he will give me another reason not to. Have no idea how to rebuild or to heal from everything that has transpired. He is a good person at heart but he is very selfish and self centered. He keeps saying that he will change. He was incarcerated, we began to open up and talk to each other again, Fathers Day, a woman he cheated on me with came to my job and delivered a letter from him. We had a "fight" over the other woman that he cheated on me with (there were 2 over 5 years) So I had stopped writing him. He wrote in the letter that Candice had initate the "pen pal" friendship. I love him but am so tired of trying. I just don't know to let go or to relocate and try again. No matter what though, he never ceases to amaze me. As soon as I feel like we are on the right path, he does something worse than before. I don't know what to do. I wrote him a letter, as it stands now, I have asked for a divorce

Answer 1

Honey~ GO!

I'm not sure if your child is a boy or a girl.....but here is my question for you.

If your child is a girl....what would you tell her? Would you want your daughter to put up with this? Would you want your grandchild to have to see and hear the things your child has to deal with?

If your child is a boy....is this how you want him to treat his wife? His child?

Remember, your child will follow your foot steps. She will think that accepting such behavior is okay. She will think that being cheated on is acceptable. He will learn that it is okay for men to cheat.

Now....do we ALL mess up? of course, and forgiveness is an important lesson to teach our children as well....but it sounds like you are past a mess up. It sounds like an on going issue and should be treated as such.

Answer 2

Good for you; as much as you believe he is a good person, he obviously does not care enough about you or your relationship to do what is necessary to make a permanent change. He obviously doesn't think that what he's doing is wrong, and does not take your feelings into account. The fact that he told you Candice initiated the "pen pal" friendship (yeah, friendship... right) only shows that he isn't even taking responsibility for his infidelity... "It wasn't MY fault; she's the one who _____" He is not willing to work towards a path of healing for the two of you, and you are definitely better off letting him go. He does not set a good example for your child, and does not do well by you to leave you wondering who he's with whenever he walks out the door. Leave, and don't look back.

Answer 3

anyone who doesn't value your sense of Trust and your sense of People doesn't deserve to have you in their lives.

The best thing you can do is move on. I know, it isn't easy. That person is just plain selfish.

The first thing you have to do though, is to forgive yourself. That means letting go of all committments to that person and learning how to trust hourself again.

Then you have to vow to give every new person that enters into your life a fair and equal chance at getting to know you all over again and getting to know your heart once again.

You never know when the next new person will enter your life and be the right one for you!

Make sure you ignore the selfish people from here on. They are never good at open communication and they make the worst friends too.

Answer 4

that's exactly where it should be, he's either not taking anything you say or feel seriously or he just doesn't care and wants the best of both worlds. You obviously know he is self- centered, he probably sees and hears you when he feels like it and that happens to be the times when you are going to leave. Don't listen to his excuses because it will make you feel horrible and you will begin to doubt yourself again, try to keep conversations to the arrangments that need to be made, kids, bills....I wish you the best of luck

Answer 5

You need to leave. My mother spent way too many years with my father being unhappy. Which led me into my adult life to get involved with a man who treated me like my father treated my mother. Now, my mother is happy, and I'm finally in a healthy happy relationship. Its going to be hard, but you've gotta leave. For you and your child. Get the hell out. There is someone out there who will treat you like you deserve.

Answer 6

When you make up your mind, once and for all, what you are going to do, you will do it! Until then , you are going to be uncertain, unsure, and confused. You KNOW what you need to do, and what you should do, but are unwilling to do it! You need to move on with your life, even it it means physically moving to another location, and start over fresh! Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Don't let him make you feel guilty, like its your fault . Tell him to take responsibility for his own actions and go through with the divorce.

Answer 8

thats a good choice because obviously he has been taking you for granted all those years. Remember no one knows what they've got till its gone. Then he will realize how much pain he caused you, but for know thats a good choice.

Answer 9

Go through with the divorce. You deserve so much more than what he's giving you. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

Answer 10

use your brain