How to contain a 7 year old boy, with considerable circumstances. I would really like to talk to someone?

Question

My son is out of control. But, I feel guilty because the father that he knows is not his biological father and I feel that he deserves the truth but nobody else thinks so. I am so confused as to what to do. His biological father knows he's alive, but has never acknowledged him. Never paid a dime for him either. Am I wrong in thinking that he deserves the truth?

Answer 1

He is a bit young . I would not tell him right now if he is already having problems.
Thats like adding fuel to the fire.

Answer 2

I would not tell him at this point in his life. Telling him now may just cause more hurt and pain, and cause more problems. He seems to have enough issues right now, and the fact that he has another father out there who won't have anything to do with him would just compound the issue. I would, instead, focus on the things that are good in his life. Does he do any sports, or extra-curricular activities? If so i would spend time with him in those activities, giving him positive reinforcement and love. If not, you may consider signing him up for something he likes. Find a good youth soccer league...maybe BigBrothers/BigSisters and that way (if there isn't a positive male influence in his life now) he can have that through a safe and healthy program. You may also consider turning to a local church in the area. Churches often offer free counselling to families who need it. What he needs now, is not the hard facts of a sad life, but the love of his family. A father is not the person who donated the material, but the person who loves and raises the child.

Answer 3

At that age, I would not tell him mostly because he is having problems. I don't know my real father. I was raised to believe that my dad (technically step-father) was my biological father and when my mom finally told me the truth at about age 16, I understood why they raised me that way. If they had told me at a young age, I would have probably resented my dad and then would have regreted it at this age, 25. I believe that he should know the truth without a doubt but not until he is old enough to understand completely.

Answer 4

No you are not wrong,but at 7yrs old,i wouldn't talk to him about his dad not paying child support.So what if he is not his biological father,He is the father that the boy knows.You have to work together with your man and let him take some kind of control in that house hold.The boy needs a man,in this case your man to put some rules down for your son.When he does,you can't go against what he tells the boy or your son will play you too against each other.Talk to your man,if you have not already,or ifhe has tried and you too bump heads every time you disagree on how to handle your son.Let him know that you are behind him 100% and that you need his help in handling your son.As long as you too work together on this you will see a big differents in your son.Remember you have to step back and let your man handle him,as long as he is not abusive to him.Now,Spanking the boy on his behind is not abuse,putting him on time out is not abuse,sending him to his room is not abuse,telling him he can't watch tv is not abuse,Taking something away from him when he's bad,video games,riding his bike,going to his friends house,going out side to play,going to the park.Things like that.Now don't forget to reward him when he does good,that is very important..It will take a while for your son to catch on but he will,if you and your mate work together.You have a man in your life who i hope want to be in your son life as well.Let him.I know you love your son and you would do anything for him.You can either let things go on as thry are or you too can do something about it,but you too really have to be consistant in what you do or your son will pick up on it and start doing the same things all over again.Good Luck.

Answer 5

For starters, he may need to see a behavioral therapist if you can't control him.

Secondly, I think he is a bit too young yet to know the truth about his biological father.

Answer 6

WHY SHOULD YOU FEEL GUILTY? JUST BECAUSE THE PERSON HE CALLS DAD IS NOT HIS REAL DAY DOESNT MEAN YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY AND I WILL TELL YOU WHY BECAUSE THE PERSON WHO IS HIS FATHER DOESNT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AND YOU SHOULD FEEL LUCKY THAT HE DOESNT KNOW HIS REAL FATHER SINCE HIS REAL FATHER KNOWS OF YOUR SONS BEING ALIVE AND HIS DONE NOTHING TO HELP YOU OUT MONEY WISE I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY BY NOT TELLING YOUR SON WHO HIS REAL FATHER IS IF FOR SOME REASON HE ASKS YOU IN THE FUTURE THEN THAT IS A DIFFERENT STORY THEN YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR JUDGEMENT AND IF YOU WANT TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH AND YOU FEEL HE CAN HANDLE IT THEN DO SO THEN GOOD LUCK NAD

Answer 7

He's too young to get the "your dad is not your real dad speech". Just because some other guy was the sperm donor doesn't make him a dad....if the guy has made no effort to be in his life then don't force you son to accept him....let him make that decision when hes older and more mature...don't blame his behavior on any of that....deal with the behavior problem on it's own...good luck.

Answer 8

i am in the same boat as you are except that i dont have the "other Dad". I tell my son about his bio dad a.k.a....sperm donor. He is accepting of it. But does wish that someday he can meet him. I told him from the get go that "God had to take his daddy away for awhile, not sure how long, to make him a better daddy." We talk about bio dad. He calls him by his name. I never talk bad about him infront of my son.
Be happy that you have a man who will be a dad.
as the saying goes
It is easy to be a father but it takes someone special to be a DAD...............

Answer 9

You have two separate questions- first you need to gain control of your son. See if his school has a counselor, do they have parenting classes? You need to find a way to get him under control. The issue about his father is something he's not yet ready to deal with, and when he is, you both might need professional guidance with that, too. I work at middle school and see a lot of parents who can't control their kids and expect us to handle it. By that age its usually too late, the pattern is set.

Answer 10

I would wait until he's a bit older before you told him, so he can truly understand. I wouldn't have understood that when I was 7. I would just treat him like any other child, before and after you tell him. He does deserve to know, yes, but not this early in his life.