How do you know if it's over?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 7 yrs and we've had some problems recently. I find that I have almost no tender feelings for him any more. I don't hate him, and I'm not really mad at him anymore. Is it over?

Answer 1

try some counseling first. Why would you want to walk out on 7 years of your life without a fight? After exhausting all your efforts that way and there is still nothing than unfortunately I would say its over :( and I'm sorry if it is.

Answer 2

Seven years! I bet the two of you have a set pattern you follow each day in your life. (Most do.) Some people are so organized that they plan everything, and I don't mean that in a bad way. But its those "special moments, total surprises, and keep them guessing" rituals that runs those chills up and down the spine. Every marriage has their droughts. That's just life. When that happens you have to make your own excitement. This is where your creative mind goes to work. Spice things up. Change things around. Do things out of the norm. Fix a romantic dinner, candle light, a little music, maybe dine out side after dark, share some wine, talk and communicate, but stay away from any kind of business or personnel problems. Re-impress each other. Talk about your dreams. So often marriage gets so weighted down, we forget about our goals and dreams. Reconfirm what you still feel, its just numb for the moment. This, as other problems in your life, will eventually be conquered and you will get back on track. When the marriage gets stale or derailed, you have to be innovative. You work a little harder during these times. But make the work seem like fun. Its kinda of like when you have a cold, you drink plenty of fluids, rest, and take something to get you over it. Marriages gets colds sometimes. All you need to do is Doctor it up a little, and everything will be good in the near future. Hang in there! The two of you have lots of great years a head of you.

Answer 3

All long term relationships run into problems now and then. Add to that the natural loss of the lust factor you initially had in your relationship and it can seem like you are no longer in love. The truth is that it may not be over and it may not be time to give up. Yes, you are going through a hard time and it won't be easy working your way out of it but it is possible and well worth it if you can do it. The first thing you need to deal with is your recent problems. You can't work on a relationship and finding the love and passion you once had if you have problems hanging over your heads. Break down your problems in to individual items and tackle them one at a time. Problems are never as hard to deal with if you break them apart. The biggest problem is usually that you get over whelmed by trying to deal with all the problems at once and it is simply impossible. Once you have gotten past the problems or at least dealt with a few of them, it is time to work on the relationship. The first thing is to stop taking all the little things in your life and your relationship for granted. We all tend to forget how wonderful it is to have some one who cares about us and takes care of the basic things in our life without a single thought. The second thing is to get back to basics. Get back to being the couple you used to be a long time ago. Take time to hold hands, hug, kiss, and share life. Sometimes it is just a matter of taking a trip to an unknown and unexplored place so that you two can experience something together again for the first time like you used to. Remember, it isn't over till you have tried everything and there is nothing left to give including the tears.

Answer 4

You may just be hitting a bump in the road but you should analyze all of the pros and cons about your relationship. Go back to the beginning and look over everything that made you fall in love with him. Try to think about the best times with him to see if it rekindles ay old feelings. You may just be telling yourself that you are done so you can take the easy road out. Try to picture your life without him and see if it seems exciting or scary. You really don't know what you have until it is gone so before you make any irrational desicions make sure that they are well thought ones. If you are for sure that it is over than go with what your heart says because there may be someone else out there that you are meant to spend your life with. Good luck to you!!!

Answer 5

I think everyone goes through a time in their relationship when they feel like they don't love the other person anymore. I guess you have to look at the pros and cons. If you don't hate them there is still a chance to reconcile sometimes it just takes time . Remember that love is an action not a feeling, and having a lifelong companion is bound to have it's rough spots. You said for better of for worse, but did you mean it?

Answer 6

well i think due to the problems you have become stoic and just don't want to deal with it anymore. whether or not you still love him is up to you to decide, sometimes we need to get through this numb stage to get to the part where we feel again. why don't you try and work on your marriage, see where it takes you..maybe this is just a speed bump and once you get over it..things might get better. if it doesn't and you really believe within yourself you don't love this man anymore then move on, but it's a huge step in your life and you have to decide if you are ready to take on the consequences of those actions. Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 7

You need to remember what it was that you fell in love with him for in the first place.
Ask yourself "do we have fun anymore?" if not, then why not?
Get out and do things together that you both enjoy. cutesy things with no friends or family around. Rediscover your love for each other.
All too often marriage becomes a routine and stagnate. it's relationship death.
Move somewhere new, find new jobs, make life scary and interesting again.

You'll find when you're in a new situation that you will have to band together and figure it all out. It can be tough, but fun too.

Answer 8

I don't think it is over. I experienced a similar thing recently and ironically we are in year 7 too. I think it is over if you can make a plan on paper to leave and actually go through with it. I got that far but then realized all I would be giving up including companionship.

Think long and hard.

Answer 9

Romantic feelings are not there 100 percent of the time in a marriage.

I would strongly suggest some individual counciling (and later couple counciling if indicated) to help you sort out exactly what me be going on with you right now before deciding it may be over.

Answer 10

I fealt the same way with my husband. We took a breather, and did not contact eachother for one month. After the month was up, we got together and discussed our feelings. He had found some one else. I wasn't upset, because if we were meant to be together, then he wouldn't have gotten interested in somebidy else. I did end up later on finding some one else, and he is the best. Would you be willing to risk a one month separation to see?