is it bad for a 20 year old and a fifteen year old to date?

Question

I am the 20 year old

She will be 16 in august, so technicially we are 4yrs. and 3 months apart.

Answer 1

If they have sex, it can be illegal in some countries. Not in mine and many others where the age of consent is 14, but in some it may be. However, even if they live in a country where the age of consent is higher, if they don't have sex there is no legal issue.

I think although a 5 year difference is nothing when you're 25 and 30 or 30 and 35 and so on, at this point of life it is a big difference. But even so, it doesn't mean they can't have feelings for each other. There is nothing sick or disgusting about it. Forget all these adjectives most people have been using in their answers. If they like and respect each other and get along well, I don't see why they shouldn't date, as long as there is no sex until the youngest person gets to the age of consent in the country/state where they live. If you're interested, check this table to know what it is: http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm .

It's funny how most people assumed that you were talking about yourself and that the youngest person was the female, even though you didn't say anything about it. It's also funny how everybody jumps to the sex part (although you just talked about dating) and how everybody is so sure sex between a 20 year-old and a 15 year-old is illegal. In most european countries, as well as in Canada, for example, it isn't.

Answer 2

It can be a real problem. I always tell people to keep things platonic if they aren't ready for a permanent relationship, because once you hook up, breakups aren't supposed to happen(*), but this is REALLY important if one party is a minor and the other isn't.

Why? Depends on local law, but in general it's illegal to have that kind of involvement between sb who's a legal adult and someone who isn't, and the adult can end up in jail (not to mention being registered as a sex offender for the rest of his/her life).

The minor, on the other hand, can end up in compulsory 'support groups' where they will try to claim that s/he is 'in denial' and just keep tormenting him/her until s/he 'admits' that s/he was 'abused' and denounces the adult in question, etc. In other words, the 'therapy' could end up being far more abusive than what happened between the two parties, and there is legally nothing that can be done to stop it.

Now, you say you're the 20-year-old here, so what you need to do is be very careful. Make sure you know exactly what this relationship should and should not be, will be and will not be. Be aware that you, AND YOU ALONE, will be held responsible for propriety being maintained, regardless of whether she even begged you to do something non-platonic.

So, I think you've made a good first step by finding out what the potential problems can be, what the requirements are. Try to make sure there are always witnesses available every time you spend time together (i.e. don't spend time alone together), and VERY IMPORTANT: avoid touching (except maybe a hug hello or goodbye) at least until she reaches the official age of consent.

Indeed, you need to make sure her parents always know where she is, with whom, and that you have their permission to spend time with her, in those particular ways that you wish to do so, in those particular places, with those particular people.

Quite bluntly, that will mean asking their permission yourself. You should not just take her word for it that she asked permission. She will not be held legally responsible for the consequences if she in fact did not do so.

I cannot overemphasize the importance of your not touching this particular young lady, given her age. God forbid, for example, that her dad see you with your arm around her, even in public right in front of Dad. Or if he's not present, God forbid he hear about it from someone else. That would be even worse. People get arrested for that sort of thing. I am really not joking here. My mother is a required reporter (social worker)(#)and explained all this to me.

I would say it is even more preferable, however, to wait with all that until your beloved is in a position to consider a permanent relationship.

God bless you!

Answer 3

You're in college... or at least out of high school, right? Don't you know any girls your own age? What do you and this 15 y/o have in common???

At camp there was a girl that was 17. We were talking about something and then she blurted out (innocently) that her boyfriend was 12. Everyone turned and looked at her with the same look of awe on their face, as if to say "What the f***?!".

Yeah, it's cool to date a younger woman... but at least wait until she's a woman. This 15 y/o is still a child.

Answer 4

A 5 year age difference is not that big if you are both of legal age. A 20 year old dating a 15 year old is illegal. I would wait a while if you are considering doing that. Wait a few years if it's true love it'll happen when the 15 year old is of legal age.

Answer 5

Well, it's illegal for one thing. One is classified as an adult and the other a child, so if you're having sex it would count as statutory rape even if she is consenting. Watch your back!

Now, is it morally wrong? That's a harder question... I was 14 when I started dating my first boyfriend, and he was 18, so technically that's stat rape too. But he and I were together for seven years and he did more to help me grow as a person than anyone else in my life. I still think of him often and wonder, what if? So in my case, no, it wasn't morally wrong (at least not according to MY morals or his). It really depends on the maturity level of both parties... but again, watch your back - you could go to jail and be labelled a sex offender for the rest of your life.

Answer 6

I've been here. My husband is four years younger than me, and it can and will be tough on both of you, but if you can stick with it and push through, it's always worth it in the end. Just don't do anything stupid and you don't have to worry about the legalities of it. And in most states, it's illegal until 16, then if you have the parent's consent, there's no stopping the possibilities!

Answer 7

It is illegal in most jurisdictions, so I advise against it. Another option is for both of you to move to a jurisdiction in which it IS legal, and then flaunt it so as to frustrate the evil ones. It is not MORALLY wrong; if anything, it is morally virtuous. Why? -because statutory rape laws are the result of blind fanatical ageism, which in turn is caused by the psychological desire of crude blind wrongfulness. We should serve justice by frustrating that wrongful desire, though until all ageist fanatics are burned alive, we will never truly be safe.

As for mandatory attendance to doublethinking 'support groups' in which the younger party is compelled to state that they were abused, else are accused of being in denial, there IS a solution: identify the offending parties and sue them for slander. Class-action suits are best. It would be best though, to scrape their faces off with a razor, but that is illegal so I advise against it. It should not be illegal though; once a person decides to be a fanatical ageist, that should be taken as a forfeiture of all protection under the law.

Answer 8

It is illegal in most states, plus the age difference means that the 20 year old is a lot more mature physically and mentally. So yeah it is bad.

Answer 9

I wouldn't know. How about if a 71 year old dates a 20 year old? What's the difference?

Answer 10

um ya! Can u say: ILLEAGAL, WRONG, DISGUSTING, DISTURBING! mY GOSH UR DUMB! All I can say is if your the 15 year old you need to get away from that physco! And if you're the 20 year old leave the poor kid alone. They can't even drive without an adult in the car! WAY 2 YOUNG!