We have been together for 9 years adn married for 3. He has always been verbally abusive and has improved somewhat. However, he still cust me down for being a little over weight, pointing out girls in catalogs, tv shows etc saying he wishes I could look like that or wear something like that etc. He is constantly criticisizing me for one thing or another. It could be that house not up to his standards or the way I disipline the kids. It could be anything. I truely believe that if he is not complaining or griping about something he's not happy! I love him but I am miserable and unhappy because of the way he and the things he says. We also have tem custody of my step son and my husband is a truck driver and is rarely home. I have complete responsibility of this child plus my children. I feel I am being taken advantage of and don't know what to do. Help me, I feel that by staying I am just prolonging the inevitable. What should I do?
2006-06-20 10:56:08 · 20 answers · asked by KSSUPERMOM 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you feel like you REALLY should leave, I say go. Unless you want to go through the hassle of counseling and such (which some men will not even consider). I dont know how I would just do whatever is in your best interest.
2006-06-20 11:00:09 · answer #1 · answered by Mz_AmanDA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this question - If I do nothing about this now, am I going to look back in 20 years time and regret it? Is this how I want the next 20 years of my life to be? And if the answer to the first question is yes, and to the second is no, then you know you have to do something to change the way things are. If you want to stay with him, then marriage guidance, or some counselling. If you don't want to stay with him then get out now. Either way, staying with someone who constantly criticises you will undermine your self belief in your own worth, if it hasn't already started to do so. If you believe life without him would be better than life with him, then you know what you have to do. At the very least, you don't want your children growing up believing this is how husband and wife should behave towards each other do you?
2006-06-20 19:33:04 · answer #2 · answered by fallen angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy to leave but if you are really unhappy then you should. I was in your position and stayed with it.... it doesn't get better and I left 7 months ago after 28yrs together. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I knew it was the right thing for me and the kids. Unfortunately my ex didn't see it that way and I still get nasty e-mails and txts telling me what a ***** I am. All that does is confirm that I made the right decision. It is hard being on your own though after living with someone for so long. I am still taking it one day at a time and hopefully one day I wil find love again. Good luck.
2006-06-21 06:56:45 · answer #3 · answered by carrie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard one! what to do? you are obviously still in love with him and although the problems you have are difficult. It shouldn't matter because you r man and wife! and nothing should come between that! no i wouldn't treat my partner like that, but on the other hand there could be many reasons why he is like this. and as his wife you need to speak with him, sit him down and tell him how you feel. After all he is only human and needs to know the reason why you are feeling this way. Don't give up hope things can only get better! don't chuck 9 years away as you still have feelings for him, its not worth the heartache not when it could be as simple as a chat, try marriage guidance i hear it work's. Leaving him should be your last resort if all else fails. Take care x x
2006-06-20 19:12:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would seriously think about some marriage guidance.. Yes i know it s what youve heard before but i firmly believe that if you two get into a room and thrash it out- he will realise just how much of a pig he is being to you. They are designed to be impartial but to get people together on neutral ground and teach them the importance of honesty.
It's so much easier to walk away than to work at the marriage but i strongly believe that once he's there he will sit and listen. He wont listen to you- that might be because he was brought up that way- but he needs to learn respect. Failing that file for divorce as you have grounds for his unreasonable behaviour. Try counselling first because if you want to divorce him they will send u both to mediation anyway. This way you are one step ahead if that's what you want to do.
2006-06-21 03:59:56 · answer #5 · answered by Scatty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh have I been here before...first suggest that you all need family couseling. I assume you have talked to him about the way he treats you and nothing has changed. Some men get off by putting others down makes them feel more in control and masculine. It's wrong and no one should live that way. If you dont want your marriage to end try counseling. But if it doesn't help remember your child learn by the example their parents put out there.
2006-06-20 18:02:00 · answer #6 · answered by MandaSue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain him what you feel and if he doesn't understand, leave him. it's a responsibility you have to yourself and your kids. Children feel when parents have problems...i don't know about your kids, but if i was a kid i could think that my mother was sad because of something i did...kids can assume the fault of the couples problem and that is an important issue...If you feel bad, if he makes you feel that way, leave him or pretend you are going to...maybe he changes and you still can have a nice file together :-) good luck
2006-06-21 11:45:03 · answer #7 · answered by I have a cool cat !! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do sound really unhappy. :( Do you ever let him know how it makes you feel when he cuts you down like that all the time? Maybe you two should try to go to marriage counseling, but something tells me this guy wouldnt really be open to that kind of thing. Maybe you should just get out while you can, and pursue happiness.
2006-06-20 18:02:11 · answer #8 · answered by nellieb_959 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's easier said than done, but grab the kids and leave him. He's been putting you down for so long, you probably don't appreciate what a good looking woman you are.
Leave him. You'll get lots of attention from men, you'll start to enjoy yourself, and you'll forget you were ever married to the C.
Good Luck Sweet Heart x
2006-06-20 22:24:23 · answer #9 · answered by tom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you marry him? Love or just because it seemed like something to do...
Were you thinner when you met him? If so alot of men dont like change - but to be honest - it sounds like he's trying to get you to leave - even though I dont believe for one minute he'd really want that - its just the idea - not the reality..
Talk to him - tell him how you feel - but make sure you can get help if it becomes violent..
2006-06-20 19:47:47 · answer #10 · answered by want_to_explore_life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋