I am engaged and planning to get married in September. I love him very much, but I worry that one day I look back and say I married just too young. But, I also go why wait if I know he is the one. What do you think?
2006-06-20 10:50:53 · 52 answers · asked by Sarah R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I already have a one and a half year old son so having kids too young already happened! Living my life can't really happen because I have to be a mom and not a party animal. My b/f is 6 years older than me, so of course he doesn't have the "too young" thing going on for him.
2006-06-20 11:04:38 · update #1
Just pretend that there is NO such thing as divorce. Close your eyes and think about that very hard. Would you actually marry him if there were no such thing as divorce??? The reason I say that is because marriage is taken too lightly these days and it needs to be taken seriously. When you get married you are making a covenant between you, your spouse, and God!!!! Breaking that covenant means, you WILL answer for it!!
2006-06-20 10:56:21 · answer #1 · answered by jennymustafa 3 · 15⤊ 4⤋
I really believe it depends on the couple and the maturity level of each individual in the realtionship. How well do you really know eachother? Is that person someone you would want being the father of your children? Have you discussed where you both want to go with your lives? Do you fight now, because it will only get worse as years go on. My husband and I married when I was 19 almost 20, and he was 20 almost 21. We knew that the type of lives we each wanted to lead fit together. We knew that we wanted to be parents together. We were prepared and committed to do what it takes to make a relationship work and knew that it wouldnt always be a bed of roses. Some couples are deluded in thinking that love is enough. But compatibility and effort are really important too. There are some young couples I would say arent even close to being ready, and others that would do just fine. We have had our ups and downs, but stuck by eachother thru it all and are stronger for it. If you are really questioning this, you need to ask yourself why. Are you really ready, or a couple years from now are you gonna want to go out and party like many of your peers are still doing? Will you feel like you missed out on your younger years, or that they were more complete with him in them? Why is there a rush to marry now anyway? Have a really good direct discussion with him, and talk to other married couples. My yahoo messenger is starsals@yahoo.com Best wishes, message me whenever you want.
2006-06-20 11:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your fiance accept your child? If yes, he is a good man many will not take on the responsibility of a 'ready made' family.
What exactly do you think you are missing out at 21? If you feel that you still have living to d before you settle down you will not be happily married. You need to come to grips with the fact that you have a chance at real happiness and stability and that that is worth more than running around partying at a club somewhere.
2006-06-20 11:15:47 · answer #3 · answered by Pete 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does it matter what anyone else thinks? What's important is what you and your fiancee think. If you're really worried that you'll one day look back and say you married too young and you missed your youth, then don't get married in Sept. Wait 2 or 3 years to get married. If you know he's the one, then your relationship can wait a couple years to to actually get married.
2006-06-20 10:58:58 · answer #4 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You bet. Not only is it too young, it's stupid. At that age, you THINK you know what your doing, but you have no clue as to what is before you in the future.
Don't try to marry someone who isn't ready (especially you). You'll find over time that the person you marry, may not be the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and now that person is hurt because you didn't make a distinction between your wants and needs.
Give yourself (and others) a break and date till your mature enough to know what a commited relationship is.
Thinks it's easy?
If you do, your not marriage material.
2006-06-20 10:55:42 · answer #5 · answered by monkeymustard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think you'll be happy living the rest of your lives together, go for it! Some people are ready for marriage at 21, some arn't. Just know that life isn't always a bed of roses, and there will be ups and downs. Never go to bed on an unresolved argument, and be prepared to give as well as take. I've been married for 16 years, and we're still going strong.
Good luck, whatever you decide!
2006-06-20 10:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by Perkins 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's too young. You are not young meaning naive or immature....you are too young to know who you TRULY are and what you really NEED in a spouse. Trust me.....wants and needs change around your late 20's......and who you are as a person changes alot too. (you will always change throughout life, but I think in this generation this is a critical age). You can still stay with your guy until that "what if" feeling goes away and you know for sure. If you're not sure.....which if you were you wouldn't ask.......then give yourself time. The committment of marriage is nothing to take lightly and should only be done with 200% certainty. Walking down the isle is easy as pie......divorcing is a nightmare.
2006-06-20 10:55:28 · answer #7 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got married at 21, and here's my answer:
It's not so much about age as it is about how long you've known the guy. Assuming that you'll be learning very important things about this guy for several years after meeting him, you need to ask yourself if you want to learn about this guy as his girlfriend or as his wife. To really get to know someone, you have to know how that person acts in any given situation ie. Have you ever seen what he's like when he's under a lot of stress, when he has money problems, when he's sick, when he's angry, when he's having family problems, when he's having work problems.... After you get married, you'll see him in all these situations. Of course learning how a person reacts in EVERY situation would take a lifetime, but I'm telling you right now, given any particular situation, if you can't confidently predict how this guy will respond, I'd say you may want to get to know him better.
2006-06-20 11:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by Jack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think 21 is too young, wait until you are at least 25. You have plenty of years ahead of you. The fact that you are asking might be an indication that you are not ready. There is nothing saying that you wouldn't be happy and be married for many years to come, lots of people have done it.
2006-06-20 10:58:39 · answer #9 · answered by ynewmn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am recently divorced after an 18 year marriage. I was 22 when we wed. However, it's not so much about the age, but more to do with trust, challenge and your genuine compatibility.
Never enter a relationship of any kind if there is something about them you don't like or approve of. You will not effect any change.
Sleep on it. (By the way, spending a week with his mother would also give you some fairly accurate ascertations) Good luck.
2006-06-20 10:56:42 · answer #10 · answered by Virginia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married at 19, and have been married for 17 years. But to look back on it, a lot of things were more difficult for us because we were young and immature - no offense, but at 21 you don't have the wisdom you will have later.
Based on your question, I'd say wait. Why? Because by asking the question it shows you have doubts, and if you have ANY doubt... wait.
2006-06-20 10:55:00 · answer #11 · answered by Elle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋