I'm 31 and I got married at 20..we have two kids. Lately I have this strong desire to be independent. I love and care about my husband, but I'm not sure that I'm "in love" with him. I'm just not sure if I want to be married anymore. I've been thinking that maybe this is because I got married SO young and never had the chance to be on my own. Not sure what I should do. Has anyone felt like this? Any advice?
2006-06-20 10:10:52 · 32 answers · asked by flshlee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not as good as what people think it is to be single
2006-06-20 10:13:45 · answer #1 · answered by catfan99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well being independent can be so many things.. I mean I don't know if you work or your a stay at home mom. But if you don't work you can go out there and find you a job, make your own money, start making new friends. By doing this it will enable you to be out there and do new things that perhaps you haven't done. Now if it's because you want to wild out and do things that you didn't do when you were younger, then you have to think, that you probably won't be able to experience at 31 what you would've at 20. Times have changed and you have 2 kids that you have to take care of. You say that your not sure that your "in love" anymore...I think you need to really think about it and see things for what they are. Perhaps you need to have a honest conversation with your husband and maybe things can change in the sense that you guys can go out together and have fun and put a spark back in the relationship. And after all this your feelings are the same, then I think you know what it is you need to do. Good Luck!!
2006-06-20 10:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by brina27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't an unusual feeling. One of the biggest problems with getting married early is that you don't get to experience a lot of that independent life you desire right now. You are now stuck wondering what all you missed out on. The thing you have to realize is that even if you get divorced you can never regain that time lost no matter how you try. You are now fully an adult and you will have responsibilities now that you would never have had back then. Sure there is still a lot of life left for you to explore but isn't it possible to do that without getting divorced. Is your life really so bad that your willing to give up everything with no guarantees of what is to come? Divorce isn't easy, especially when you have kids. The facts are that in a long term relationship you are going to have ups and downs where you don't feel as in love with your partner as you want to be. Part of this is just that you have fallen into a routine in your life and you take all the simple little things in your life for granted. Part of it is that the lust between the two of you has faded in to familiarity. Before divorcing you need to be sure that there is no love here worth saving. Try getting back to doing the things in your relationship you did when you were first together. Kissing, hugging, teasing, sharing life's little adventures together. You two have grown and changed over the years but ultimately you are still the same two people who fell in love with each other. Don't take for granted the life you have. All relationship take a lot of work if they are going to survive in the long run. Sure, you could divorce and find love again but over time it will also have these same issues and you are either going to have to deal with them now or then.
2006-06-20 10:20:53 · answer #3 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you got married, you made a covenant with God and your husband. Getting married too young can naturally cause these kinds of feelings, but that is not a good enough reason for divorce. You should be thankful that you have a good husband and father for your children. There are so many kids these days that have to grow up without both parents in the household because of the parents being selfish. That is a selfish reason to get a divorce. In the end nothing good will come of it.
2006-06-20 10:49:48 · answer #4 · answered by jennymustafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be married and be independent at the same time.
You are very young and still have a lot ahead of you.
I could tell you, if there would be no love and no respect, to be happy and follow your heart, get a divorce.
But the truth is, I say if you love and care for your husband then stay with him and your kids, you are a family.
Talk to your husband about what you would like to change in your life. Do you work or a stay at home mom? If you work, what kind of independence would you like? and if you are a stay at home mom, then would you like to start working or going back to school?
It sounds to me like you are bored at this point in your life. Find a way to get yourself out of that stage. I think most of us women go through that stage at a point.
If you have to suggest counseling for you and your husband -- do it ! Talk, talk, talk to your husband.
2006-06-20 10:23:08 · answer #5 · answered by wonderwoman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess ur asessment is quite right...u did get married at a pretty young age. but, plz dnt just let that be the reason to conclude that u want to be independent...i know many ppl who got married as early as u and are still living very happily today.
ur problem i think is that u r not giving enough time to urself. u really need to start doin that...make ur self feel good bout u...start by planning a whole day fr urself....make a list of things uve been really wanting to do...plan a complete day for urself...go for a nice long walk, pamper urself with a nice long bubble bath..read a book if u hv been wanting to read one...or listen to some good music while sipping some good wine...sit alone fr a while....spend time with urself doin the things uve always wanted to do...small things like these go a long way in relaxing ur mind n soul...after that u could probably plan out a girls nite n go hav some fun....
n also do try n hav a soul to soul talk with ur hubby...maybe he can help u get over it .....
but, first of all...rediscover urself..think bout urself...nd spend some time with urself.....
dont rush into conclusions....
take care...
god bless u
2006-06-20 12:57:05 · answer #6 · answered by at_maverick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're not sure......
then make sure.
besides... you CAN be independent and not divorced you know.
marrying young usually makes you frustrated IF you haven't played or being bad enough.
kids always need their mother, but not 24/7 and seven days a week so what you can do to become independent is to make them independent first
leaving them before they are independent is not an option, you'd be a bad mother
taking them away from their father when young is not a good idea either
talk to your spouse first to find out what he thinks about your marriage, heck... you may find that he is of a mind.
if he is content with his current situation, then explain your feelings....
ask again after you've done all this
2006-06-20 19:26:13 · answer #7 · answered by dojodomo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's funny that you post this, because I have gotten the same feelings lately. I never have lived on my own. I lived in my mom's house and then moved in with my husband. I never got the experience to be independent to "answer to no one" and to do as I please. So I know where you are coming from. I also have 2 kids and it is now harder to make this decision because I don't want them to be without their father. Divorce can be a very painful experience for everyone. I still love my husband, but we don't have very much in common. Anyways, I dont' know if I helped you much, but I wish you luck in your decision!
2006-06-20 10:16:17 · answer #8 · answered by vavoom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Independence is refreshing and I recommend it. Life is so short, why be unhappy for even 1 more second? When your kids reach your age, perhaps they will understand, regardless, don't live in the past and move on and don't fall into the trap of neurotic behavior, it will cause bitterness in your heart and will only make you worse off emotionally. Ohhhbviously you have to think about the children, but what if they grow up and hate you and blame you for their neurotic behavior notwithstanding? Live your life move on and do your thing. You still love your kids right?
2006-06-20 10:27:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents devorced when I was young, just think if you and your husband seperate what it will do to the kids. That is all I as, because my when my dad moved out, it felt like my heart went through a shreader. I guess thats why I find myself afraid of getting to close to a guy, I'm afraid that they will leave. The best advice I have to give is pray tonight and ask God what you should do he is the only one who can really answer your question. And please remember the kids also, how this will effect their lives also.
2006-06-20 10:19:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Putting aside that whole "covenant with god" thing, it is pretty usual to fall into those feelings. I don't have an answer for you- but I'm glad you asked the question because as you can see- many people feel that way. There's nothing that can be said here that will make the decision for you. You need to own up to your feelings and deal with the consequences of your actions- which could be good or bad.
2006-06-20 14:10:46 · answer #11 · answered by elemental1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋