My husband and I have been married for 5 years. He has cheated on me and had numerous internet relationship for about 2 years. We have since decided to separate and have sold our home. Now he is telling me he can change, but he still wont give me his email and phone passwords. I feel like I am giving up on my marriage, but at the same time I feel like I am degrading myself by staying in a mentally abusive relationship. Part of my problem is that in my family you get married and stay married you just struggle through. The other part is that while he is a complete ---hole I do have love for him. Am I making the right choice to leave?
2006-06-20 09:50:55 · 54 answers · asked by blissful c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Anyone who doesn't value your sense of Trust or your sense of People doesn't deserve to have you in their lives as well.
Given the choice, not many would stick around either.
The most important thing you have to do is to forgive yourself first. This means you have to let go of all committments you had with this former person in your life and learn how to trust yourself all over again.
Next, you have to give everyone new that enters your life a fair and equal chance at getting to know you and your heart. You never know when the next person will enter your life and if they could be the right person for you!
2006-06-20 09:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by snorkelman_37 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand about getting married and staying married, and I agree that is the way it should go, as long as their is no abuse. Ask yourself, if you would have cheated and gotten boyfriends on line, would be wondering if he made the right decision? I think that it is a wonderful thing that while you agreed to marry this man, that you do not become trapped in oppression and deceit just because this man says that is the way it is. Will you always be wondering who he is emailing or where he is when he gets off work? If so, than that is not a relationship, that is not trust, and he shows no love. I do think he may love you, but for a relationship like marriage, you do need love, unconditional love, love you can trust and count on no matter what... This situation does not sound like that. You did well by getting out, do not turn around now and take that abuse lying down!!!
2006-06-20 09:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by hannahonelove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because in your family once married means for the whole life time well that was in the past now things are changing and you do not need a man like him if he has change than he should not have any problems giving you his passwords or any kind of information you ask of him. You have suffered 5 yrs now its time for you to think for yourself... you come first.. all these 5 yrs non of your family members suffered... so its better to say good bye to a man of this kind.... you will always have love for him no matter what kinda person he is but do you want to suffer for the rest of your life or you want to be happy?
I think that once your over with him and get a new life of your own you will get distracted by work etc... and time will heal everything!
Good Luck.
Do the right thing for yourself
2006-06-20 10:06:56 · answer #3 · answered by Pari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave now I mean why get back with him after he has treated you as he has? If he trusted you he would have given you his passwords if only to prove to you that he had 'changed,' right? I would not even want them now because he has probably figured out a way to give you a dummy account that has nothing to do with what he is really up to. He has not changed and if he could change why did he start cheating in the first place? He was not committed to your relationship in the first place what makes you think that he is committed now? So do yourself a favor and move on before you spend another five years with this ---hole only to find out that he cheated on you the whole time.
2006-06-20 10:11:26 · answer #4 · answered by mike53153 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying with him to stick out a marriage is an antiquated thought these days, especially when he is being unfaithful. It would be one thing if you just didn't try, but you have and nothing has changed, so why would it now? You don't say if you have children or not, but staying with him will just teach your children that it's ok for men to run around on their wives and treat them like second-class citizens. It would be far better to leave, and if you do have kids, make sure that you never bad-mouth their father in front of them.
In time, the hurt he caused you will subside. Get back into your life and doing things for yourself. You'll eventually find a man who will respect his vows of marriage and stay true to you. What your current husband is doing now is disrespectful to you and the best thing you can do is start walking and never look back. You'll be glad you did in the long run. Good luck, and remember you don't have to settle for being treated like this by anyone ever.
2006-06-20 09:58:00 · answer #5 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I am so sorry to hear this. I know someone who is going through this right now, but they've been married 19 years, and the problems started early into the marriage. It's so sad. He had physical affairs, and internet affairs. She caught him several times chatting online with other women, with his pants down. Anyway, go while you can. You don't want to end up like my friend, who was a stay at home mom only to have her marriage end later in life over crap like this. Plus there's the issue of std's. Better get yourself tested. Cheaters are sick people. It's something that's lacking within HIM, NOT YOU!!!!
2006-06-20 12:28:20 · answer #6 · answered by vbg2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you have been with a man who not only has repeatedly cheated on you but is also verbally abusive? Wow, hun I'm sorry. I have been in the same boat. He told me he would stop cheating. He didn't. Tigers don't hange their stripes. Especially if he is still being secretive and not giving you his passwords.
Will you respect yourself if you stay with him? Are you going to get over the jealousy factor or will you feel insecure every time he is on the computer or leaves the house? The fact is, I can almost guarantee that you will not be happy if you stay with him. And life is too short to be unhappy if you can do something about it.
As far as your family is concerned, don't stay with him just to please them. You and only you has to live your life. So do what is best for you without worrying about what they will think.Good luck.
2006-06-20 10:00:35 · answer #7 · answered by Kitty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the hell out. I know it's tough, but here's a secret for you...................... he's never going to change! He didn't have any respect for either you or your marriage vows before. What makes you think he will in the future? I understand the conflict that this creates with your family beliefs. Let me ask you this.....Do your family beliefs also tell you that the trust and loyalty between a husband and wife should be sacred? If so, then his cheating is enough of a reason for you to leave. Is it really love for him that you are feeling, or are you just mourning the loss of your perception of a marriage.
2006-06-20 10:02:42 · answer #8 · answered by Wise one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've been in this type of situation before and i stayed and he cheated again and every time i thought about leaving he begged for me to stay. everyone is different and some people can really change but if he is still not willing to be open with you and i thought in a marrige there should be no secrets then the answer is right in your face. love is blind, you have to look at how this is going and how it may turn out. you don't want to end up walking down a one way street. either leave him or take a break let him know what it really feels like to loose you and if he still dosen't change, leave him. look at it as being his loss because whats old to him is brand new to someone who will respect you.
2006-06-20 10:01:47 · answer #9 · answered by Pimpin' 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These habits will be very hard for him to change not impossible but he will certainly always have tendencies without a miracle. The question is can you live with never knowing for sure and always wondering. Definately if he will not give you the passwords then there is a problem still. No one can tell you what to do only you can answer this for yourself and you will know when enough is enough. Hold your head up high and know that it has nothing to do with you.....they are his choices. Be strong, take care of yourself and most of all respect yourself! We all deserve better than that.
2006-06-20 09:56:57 · answer #10 · answered by momkmmt4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋