Would you feel comfortable with this?

Question

My wife and I are going through a divorce. It's what she wants. I don't want to go into details right now but I'm not driving it. This summer, we've reached a agreement that our two kids - ages 5 and 7 - will visit her in NJ. I'm in CA, our homestate of residence. She has chosen a 14 yo to watch our kids while she is at work. Typically, she is supposed to have 9 - 5 hours. However, anyone who knows the military lifestyle knows that doesn't exist. As such, my wife is constantly at meetings after work or events at which she has to represent the unit. So here's my question from a very concerned parent: Would you trust a 14 yo to watch your kids if you don't know who she is, doesn't have a drivers license, and knowing that your estranged spouse, who is in charge of their welfare, may be working till 11 PM? I'm getting bad vibes already.

No reference checks were done. The 14 yo is the daughter of a divorcee friend of my wife's. And no she does not have service provided by a parent b/c that parent is working the hours my wife does (more/less). I should also add that my wife is an officer in the Army. For those familiar with the lifestyle, that also means morning physical fitness training (PT) at 0530 in the morning also. Also, the base she is at, does not have emergency services in case something happens.

Answer 1

if i was going to be away from my children for that long i would never leave them with a 14 yr old they need to be supervised by an adult!

Answer 2

It really depends on the 14 yr old. Have you done any checking on references? Does the babysitter have transportations available through her parents? There is always 911. My oldest is 14 and very responsible, She sits with my others who are 6 and 11 and I trust her very much. Sounds like your soon to be X is doing all she can to make ends meet as a single mother. Atleast she is not leaving them alone. Do your research if you are not happy.....then take it to court. Tis all you can do.

Answer 3

You need to revise your visitation agreement. Under no circumstance should you children visit her in NJ. What's the point? A 14 yr old will be watching your kids(not safe),she wont get to spend quality time with them, and the kids will feel guilty. Change the agreement to where she comes and stays in CA for a period of time to see the kids. Im married to a former Marine and we didnt have kids until he would be able to be there for us. Good luck.

Answer 4

That is TOO MUCH responsibility for a 14 yr old. Especially children at that age. Children that young pick up on things they see and hear. I wouldn't let someone that young watch my children. Maybe for just one afternoon would be OK, but not as a daily routine. Have you considered relocating? You would think your soon to be EX would have more concern for your children's well being!

Answer 5

I would not let a 14 year old watch my children. Especially with you being in another state, and with her being gone at work until late. If you are having bad vibes its because you need to trust your instincts. If you have to ask us, then you already know the answer to your own question I think! Good luck!

Answer 6

Nooooooooooo way, I would not be comfortable with a 14 year old watching my children under any circumstance. Maybe thats just me though.

Answer 7

Heck yeah! I would be angry. It sound pretty irresponsible leaving your kids with someone who doesn't even have a drivers license. Thats absolutely ridiculous to me. I think you should get some legal advice about it.

Answer 8

hmmmmmmmmmmmm...and what were you like at 14???...I would say your wife needs to grow a little in her mind with respect to perception of responsibility.............