Recently found out that my husband has been living with another woman out of town where he works. A few of his friends told me. I immediatly filed for divorce, after confirming it with the other woman...I am 8 monthes pregnant. I was just wondering how I can get myself through this emotionally without falling apart...
2006-06-20 09:16:31 · 24 answers · asked by nellieb_959 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your story brings tear to my eyes. Maybe all you can do is emotionally fall apart. You need to grieve, and better now than having collapses when your baby is a toddler and getting on your nerves. It is going to be a whole new life for you, and you have to be prepared for some real suprises from him. Get you court case ready - be prepared for even worse things - you don't know who your husband really is until you divorce him. Many men fight for custody when it comes time to think about child support - so be "prepared." HE ALREADY HAS A NICE LITTLE STEP MOTHER THERE AND READY - SO STAY AHEAD OF HIM. Yes life is very cruel that when you are at your most traumatised you have to think about such horrid and practical things - but that is the way of divorce. It is the worst hell you will ever experience. I feel so sick that this is happening to you while you are pregnant and so terribly in need of protection and love. You have to starting thinking about the man you love as an 'opponent' now. It is easy to say but I know that it is a very difficult thing to do. Feelings are what thay are. What you need is to find people out there who will listen to you and let you cry on their shoulder. People are VERY IMPATIENT and they will expect you to get over things very quickly, so have more than one friend to lean on. You have a precious baby on the way and taking care of that baby (alone) will be fill up many spaces because of the overwhelming responsibily. You really have to find compassionate non-condemning, humble friends who can be there for you. You will be poorer - for sure so find some single mothers with babies - because they will be your greatest support system. Your social status has just changed dramatically - and that is one of the most difficult parts of single parentig. So be "ready." I am sorry that I have very little that is positive to say. Just know that my heart breaks for you.
2006-06-20 09:31:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
You can't. What you need to do is pick a time to do it. Set aside an hour every couple of days to just cry your eyes out, look at old pics and think about what the miserable little b@stard did to you. Only do these things during that time. Force your mind somewhere else other times, no matter how hard it is. When every couple of days starts to feel like it is too often, make it an hour every week.... then every two, and so on. The most important thing is that you don't give him a second thought when it is NOT his time. He has broken your heart and doesn't deserve to take up all your time. Find a part-time job to keep you busy, go sit with family, if your doc won't permit you to work until after you have the baby, then try going to a nursing home and volunteering to sit with a resident. Talk to them. Be cheerful for them (trust me, their lives our way worse than our problems!)Stay busy... whatever it takes, housework, read a book, anything. Just stay busy.
2006-06-20 09:26:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so, so sorry. Nothing anyone says will make you feel any better right now. However, I suggest you do three things to help with the way you are feeling. Surround yourself with people who love you (ask your sis, your mom, maybe your best friend to come and stay with you for a few days). Concentrate on your baby and being pregnant for the next month. No matter what is happening in your love life, a baby is always a wonderful gift. Finish arranging the nursery, throw yourself a baby shower...or simply go out and buy your baby some last minute toy. Stay away from your husband for at least a few weeks. You need a mental break from him and any verbal, or emotional abuse he might heap on you. You have to allow yourself some time to cope with all the changes happening in your life.
2006-06-20 09:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry, that's a terrible blow. You will need to go through a mourning period much like that of a widow. When you're 'rejected', it's sometimes more difficult to deal with than the death of a spouse, because in the case of a death, you have not been rejected. It will take probably a couple of years for you to be close to feeling like you have your life together again. You need to let your doctor know what you're going through first off, because you don't want your emotional distress to impact your pregnancy or the health of your sweet little baby. All I can really say to you for sure is that you are going to make it, you WILL recover, but that it will take time. Talk about it with someone who can be objective, and who is a good listener. Too many of our loved ones want to tell us what to do, or just want to criticize the cheating spouse, when that's probably still someone you care very deeply for.
One caution I have is that you think REALLY hard if the birth of the baby brings out emotions between you and your husband that make you feel a connection again. The man cheated, and he's probably not going to change at all. Avoid temptation.
All the best to you dear.
2006-06-20 09:26:30 · answer #4 · answered by maynerdswife 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has the makings of an interesting story. It is a fairly common error for young writers to over-egg the pudding. * Keep your sentences short; sentences over 14 words become too complex and confusing for the reader. (that last sentence has more than 14 words, but has a correctly-placed semi-colon) * Reduce the adjective count * Learn the correct use of punctuation. * Look up unfamiliar words before using them. To be "embroiled in a downward spiral" (para.2) does not make sense. Similarly, "angst" is inappropriate Para 1. Final sentence. If you must use an intensifier, use "certainly"; it makes better reading. I cannot go through the entire piece line by line. You have a good framework which, with a little revision, could be very good
2016-05-20 06:02:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a very strong person, if you had the courage to go through the divorce, especialy with a child on the way.
Look at this as a new beginning for you and your child and be thankful that you found out sooner rather than later.
Take one day at a time and let friends and family be around you.
My heart goes out to you.
Best of luck!
2006-06-20 10:01:57 · answer #6 · answered by desperate housewife 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things happen for a reason:
1. You were supposed to create a wonderful child with this man. (Get custody!!!)
2. Then this man was supposed to exit your life so you could meet someone absolutely amazing.
3. You live happily ever after.
That is a TOUGH one. Love that little baby to death. Think of all the great times and accept that this relationship has passed. You sound like a very strong young lady to hold such a strong conviction. If you can do what's right immediately like that, you can do the same thing your whole life. Let yourself grieve, but after you do you let it go. Let it out, let it go. This is no end. Remember the beginnings in life. You have sooooo much to look forward to, so much opportunity, so much potential. Remember that. I know it sounds cliche, but he does not deserve you. You do not deserve someone substandard like him. Value yourself, value your life, live your life and love it all. You have so many wonderful things, don't forget them in light of the loss of something lacking.
2006-06-20 09:26:56 · answer #7 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is ok to fall apart to some degree. You deserve to cry and grieve for what you have lost. At some point though you need to accept that life still goes on and that you deserve to be happy. This won't be easy but it starts by taking small steps and focusing on your life and creating a life for yourself and your soon to be born baby that you can be proud of and some day share with someone special when you find love again.
2006-06-20 09:20:46 · answer #8 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best advice i can give is stay close to family and or friends as much as you can, and don't get involved with another man for a while. you will need healing time for such a thing, especially if you still love(ed) him. use all the people you can and try to come away with thing(s) that you can learn from the whole time with him. time is your best thing you can have to get over him and your loss. just don't go back, that will only make things worse for you and your unborn baby emotionally. your baby feels what u do so let it out but try to stay positive. i wish you all the best of luck, and i envy u having the baby to come away with, i never had kids (yet)
2006-06-20 09:42:36 · answer #9 · answered by harmonyandericjrburns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to speak to a professional immediately. Emotionally you're very fragile and I'm sure the hormonal changes from the pregnancy only intensifies it. Speak to someone. Also surround yourself with people who love and respects you, people that you can confide in. Also, try to find a healthy release, whether it's painting or writing....something. Also, outline what you need to do from this moment forward for you and your child.
You can create a brighter future. Through it all PRAY, meditate, PRAY, meditate and PRAY.
I truly wish you and your baby all the best. It will get better.
2006-06-20 09:28:21 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋