I cheated and I found out my husband was cheating all along...?

Question

In a nutshell, I was having an affair on my husband but recently after the guilt trip and him moving out, I discovered that he was doing th same thing. We tried couseling and reconciling. But he has developed feelings for this new person. He says that he is torn. What should I do? Work on my marriage or let him go.

Answer 1

If you love him work on it.

Some people get married thinking that everything will be pretty, that is a lie. Marriage is a full time job, you've got to work on it all of the time.

Divorce or breaking up should never be an option unless things are just not working. Yall will need to pray together and ask for Gods help if you're ever going to move ahead.

Answer 2

You both already moved on in a way the moment you BOTH had affairs! Why'd you/him have an affiar in the first place... is that issue resolved? If not that what is going to stop you both from having another affair in the future. I's suggest trying the whole thing over and seeing if you can work it out that way. I'm saying starting over with dating and everything, like it's a whole new relationship. Figure out what you loved about each other to begin with and work harder at resolving issues before it leads to an affair or something as drastic.

Answer 3

i think when he found out that you cheated on him and he moved out, you were considered separated -- and that gives him a right to move on (start a new life with a new person perhaps). you're still married since you didn't file for divorce, so you could say that he did cheat TECHNICALLY.

to tell you the truth... rarely would we see couples get back together if one of them committed infedility in the beginning. there are people who are willing to change, and accept responsibilities for their mistake -- they do change for the better, but in the marriage, there is still a hole inside, that can never be filled again... it is one of the most important foundations of marriage, that once lost -- it will never be found again. and that's TRUST.

let's do say that you both change for the better -- would not cheat again, but do you think it's that easy to go back how things were in the beginning? things will be awkward, and incomplete and this sometimes drives couples who got back together -- apart again.

it seems like your husband didn't see this coming -- so he decided to move on already. i suggest you do the same too. there's nothing wrong with reconciling, but you will need to work HARDER to keep the marriage stronger this time.

Answer 4

u know most women or anyone on the whole would say move on. the only reason they would give this answer is because it sounds like the easist thing to do. just pick up and leave but in actuallity it is the most difficult one. Trying to keep a marriage together is even worst but it is very gusty. you have to be strong and want to stay in the marriage for the right reasons. walking away can be easy and can be difficult it all depends on the situation youre walking away from. Can u do better? Can u be happier? Is your spouse the one for you?

Answer 5

Since both of you were cheating in the 1st place, it sounds like something was missing between you two all along. Why don't you let him go and find someone you can have a relationship with where you don't feel the need to cheat? Especially since both of you were cheating, it seems like a high probability that one of you may relapse and you'll have to go through all that stress again.

Answer 6

Your both bad people. Your marriage has been doomed since the moment you both cheated. Getting back together would likely lead to a relationship without trust and you both would always suspect that the other one was cheating.

Learn how to be a decent person before you ruin another marriage.

Answer 7

I know you said you tried counseling, but he needs to agree to want to work it out. If he doesn't want to be married anymore, you really can't work on anything. But if he sees there is potential in your marriage, then its worth it. Obviously there has been a very great lack of communication, and that's one of the most important qualities in your marriage. If he agrees that its worth it, then I'd try working on it and go to counseling again. If not, then unfortunately its time to let go and move on with your life. Either way I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

well if he has been cheating for a long time then he has moved on and you should do the same thing, you both are not meant or each other, you are both cheaters, i know it is harsh but i m sorry ,thats what it is. you need to now focus on a life without him, now tht you know he also cheated you feel kind of jealous and it hurts that someone else has your man. move on and focus now on you. good luck.

Answer 9

You need to talk to him and find out if he is willing to put 100% into your marriage. If he isn't willing to drop this other woman then fixing your marriage isn't going to work. Both of you need to be on the same page and willing to put your all in to get your marriage back. You should also get into marriage counseling.

Answer 10

dang, I think you should let him go
maybe he has found someone he truely loves....marriage is a sacred vow and it seems to me like the two of you were not really and truely in love.
im getting married in july and i love him more than anything in the world and would never fathom of cheating on him, he is mine and i am his forever....i dont want to tell you to get a divorce because marriage should be forever, but not if you cant be faithful...theres no point to it then.