He cheated on me(very drunk) when I was in the next room, I caught him and took him back. He promised to change, stop drinking. He did stop drinking and he is changing his ways..but I'm still scared. He tells me how sorry he is all the time for hurting me and that he will try his best to change. Do you think I made the right decision on taking him back..do you think cheaters deserve a second chance..do you think cheaters can change their ways?
2006-06-20 08:58:13 · 10 answers · asked by shalinelovesyou 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Been there, done that. It doesnt matter what anyone 'thinks', if you love him enough to forgive him and he is changing his ways, then maybe its worth it.
2006-06-20 09:09:15 · answer #1 · answered by flowerinatx 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I'm married and for *me* cheating is not an absolute recipe for divorce. For me, it would depend on the circumstances. If there were an emotional relationship along with the physical affair, I'd have a hard time moving forward, but if it were a one-night stand I would probably at least try to save my marriage (depending on his attitude after he'd been found out).
However, if I were only dating the person, I think I would move on. I don't believe "once a cheater always a cheater* but I know how difficult it would be (as you're finding out) to get past such an awful thing. In my marriage, we have children and a long history to counter-balance the pain of an affair - with a boyfriend, you usually don't have that kind of balance. I think cheaters can "change their ways," but only if they really really want to become better people (and honestly, most cheaters don't - relationships are a lot of work and in my experience, cheating is an indication that they're not overly invested in working hard to make another person happy).
So, were you wrong? Only you can say. But if you *have* decided to stay with him, it is only fair that you work very hard to trust him again (and that he work very hard to gain your trust). I will tell you that you have a hard uphill battle here, and I, personally would likely just cut my losses and move on.
Not all men cheat. Being drunk isn't an excuse (great that he's quit drinking, but that's an uphill battle too). I would say if it's too painful that it's time to move on. Good luck.
2006-06-20 09:09:30 · answer #2 · answered by tagi_65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch...sorry. You know what? It really depends on how much you love him or care about him. Some will say "Once a cheater, always a cheater." But some (very few), but some guys can change, maybe he is one of them.
Also being drunk is no excuse, you still know what you're doing.
I say, give it a while, if you don't think about it again and completely forgive him, and he doesn't do it again, what the heck? Why not stay with him? But if you can't get your mind off of it and everytime he goes out without you or whatever and all you think about is that he might cheat on you again, well then give yourself a break and break it off. It'll only make you more stressed and it will keep you from having a good relationship whether he changed or not.
It all comes down to you. Will you be able to trust him again? Good luck.
2006-06-20 09:08:14 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater, always a cheater. No matter how much they SAY they won't they do. It is just a fact. Remember that the thought and vision in your head of him cheating on you will NEVER go away either. I went through this but never knew until we were breaking up, and then I found out he was cheating on me....first they (the people who told me finally who happened to be HIS friends) said once, then they said twice and as it turns out he did it more times than I even know about now, and that's at least 7 or 8.
To be fair to yourself and be able to get into a relationship where that will never happen to you, give it up NOW don't wait til it happens again cuz you'll be completely devastated. You gave him all your trust AGAIN, and he did it AGAIN, you'll never trust anyone again, don't join me in my misery. I trust noone and I think it's now sabotaging my current relationship, even though he's done absolutely nothing wrong!
2006-06-20 09:09:40 · answer #4 · answered by sonnyd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok..your in a very difficult situation and believe me i know..been there done that... for one it depends how long youve been going out with him...because there you can know if you know him so much as if to tell if he is lying or not... i gave the guy a try and he cheated on me again..but that doesnt mean all guys are the same... he might be saying the truth..but it takes time for the trust to come back..and you just have to watch him and his action and if you still feel that he is going to cheat on you again then talk to him and have him reassure you over and over again that hes not going to do it... theres not really a right or wrong answer...because in reality it depends on how the guy is and how well you know him!!!
2006-06-20 09:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if he says he's going to change you should give him a chance to change, but don't completely let your gaurd down, be cautious and watch out!!!
2006-06-20 09:06:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think there should be a second chance in life if someone didnt do it intentionally . everybody on this planet can change provided hes willing to.
2006-06-20 09:03:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is honestly trying to change then you made the right choice.
2006-06-20 09:02:14 · answer #8 · answered by pjthedj247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i took my ex back after he done that, but he hasnt changed yet. but i still love him
2006-06-20 09:05:30 · answer #9 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a cheater always a cheater!!!!!!!!!
2006-06-20 09:03:12 · answer #10 · answered by flippinn2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋