Has anyone worked through a tough situation with your partner?

Question

So, my girlfriend and i have been together for 7 years in a mostly long distance relationship, we went to seperate colleges have seperate careers (she is in Med School - I am in sales), both of us have felt like we needed a break at one point or another but we have never broken it off completely She actually did about 3 weeks ago.Tthere has been true love here the kind you may never find in a million years of searching. She decided that she loves me, but is no longer in love (for now). We still talk everyday and see eachother once in awhile, She is my bestfriend, but i can not just be friends with her. Right now there is no initimacy and she is having a real hard bieng intimate although she has been being warmer with hugs and actual passionate kisses. (these were not there 3 weeks ago) But she still needs to time. What else can i do to get her back...not convince her or trick her to love me, but get her to feel the same way.

Answer 1

Try the little things that made you fall in love, like opening doors for her or send her a funny e-card that says just thinking of you. The trick is to give her the space she asked for but not to leave everything totally alone. if there was a special thing you did that she always said, remember when you did this or that was so sweet, do that and surprise her. if there are fiery kisses there now that weren't then, don't give up. don't push on anything, let her come to you. i know this may sound selfish but what got my man when he said he needed a break was when he found out i was going out with friends and not sitting around crying my eyes out over him, he came back the next day. give her time but don't waste yours.

Answer 2

and I am sorry about the pain you are experiencing. If you are willing to wait a while longer that is all you can do - but if you feel that there is still hope, while waiting do 'not' go silent - keep up the, wooing courtship. Time will tell if that is what you are willing to do. Even if her heart has gone - you yourself will be able to move on knowing that you did what you could, and there will be no 'what ifs' to think about, and to regret. If you want her you can keep courting her - the old fashioned way - which is the best way anyhow. She might have met someone but the fight might still be on if you are up to the challange, but unless she tells you so, you have to give her the benefit of the doubt for the moment. You are not married and didn't mention an engagement, so she does have that right - it is not exactly adultery.

These relationships are difficult - living essentially in two different worlds. She could be suffering from depression, anaemia, exhaustion - who knows? From my own painful lessons i have found that the expression," you cannot get get blood out of a stone," is pretty significant. You can only do things on 'your' end - and maybe she does need some pretty powerful romance and some real imagination of your part. You just might have to slay a dragon. I sincerely hope that things work out for you.

Answer 3

From personal experience....when one needs time or space, basically there is someone else involved and they are confused.....the lack of intimacy....is pure guilt! That is not something you have one day then gone the next. This does not mean that she does not love you still she just needs indeed time and space! If you love her as you say you do you will give her that but let her know how you feel and that you will be there for her no matter what. Maybe she will come back to in her entirety maybe she wont .....either way nothing you can do will pursuade her at this point. You can however push her farther away by being too pushy or smothering. I hope for you that she does love you the same and it saves you from that heartbreak. Otherwise, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all! Have you ever heard the other cliche' "if you love something set it free, if it comes back it is yours, if it does not it never was?" Let her go........I wish the best for you in love and all your endeavors.

Answer 4

Theres nothing you can do to get her to feel the same way - those feelings have to come to her on her own. You can just be you, be loving and supportive - let her know you are there. If you really love her and want to be with her, you should consider moving closer to her. If you love her that much and you know she is the girl for you, you should take the big step of moving or at least consider it.
The fact that your relationship was mostly long term could have a lot to do with what is happening now. When you are in a relationship you need that other person - for communication, companionship, affection, etc - those things are hard to accomplish when you can't be there in person.

Answer 5

First of all, you can't make someone love you (unless you do some kind of witchcraft on her but that's creepy). The distance probably made her fall out of love. She probably realized that you are not what she wants, which you would have to learn to live with. I beleive that everyone has a destiny and if both of you went your own ways for school and careers, it was probably because it was destined for your relationship to end. However, if it isn't going to be hard for you to just have a friendship with her...then go for it. Otherwise, let her go her own way. And if she is meant for you and you for her, then eventually (sooner or later) she'll be back. Leave it in God's hands. In the meantime, concentrate on your career and have fun!

Answer 6

Just continue to take it slow. It seems like you two just kind of grew apart. You need to take time and treat this more as a new relationship than as an old one. Go back to doing the basic things with no expectations of what is to come. Take her out on dates, hold hands, go for walks, spend time talking and exploring life together and let yourselves find each other again gradually. It may take awhile but it will be worth the time spent.

Answer 7

You need to still be friends but don't close yourself up to other possiblities. If things work out then it's meant to be... if you find someone new and exciting you may have the same connection with the new person. You don't want good possiblities to pass you by incase it doesn't work out. Maybe she will realize what she really wants when it's no longer there waiting for her. Many people don't realize what they have till it's gone. Then it will be your turn to figure out if that is what you really want or if you like your "new" life more. But no matter what happens there is no reason not to be friends, but you can still live your own life.

Answer 8

I would love to say that everything works out the way you want it to but I don't want to lie to you. I feel your pain but I feel that by trying to convince her to feel the same, you are setting yourself up for more pain. Maybe you should start to go your own way and begin breaking things off. If she loves you but is not in love with you, you are only going to continue to get hurt. If you love her then you will want her to do what she thinks is best for her and if that is not being with you....then you need to let her do that. You also need to stop being intimate with her, even if you don't want to. Intimacy should be between people who love eachother, intimacy is not just hooking up. Don't let her control you and only be intimate when she wants....it should be either all or nothing. Good luck.

Answer 9

I've gone through a similar situation with my boyfriend in the past couple of years.

After being together for so long, sometimes the passion seems to fade. Stressors like medical school and long distances are extremely difficult barriers for even the strongest relationship to overcome.

You probably already know the answer- if she says she still needs space, then she still needs space. At this point, there's nothing you can do to "get her back" or make her "feel the same way".

Backing off from the romantic aspect of the relationship doesn't mean she's forgotten about you, that she will never be interested in romantically again, or that she finds you repulsive. It can often mean that she is just being pulled in a lot of different directions and feels she needs to focus all her energy on succeeding at the challenging task at hand (med school).

What you describe in the situation sounds a lot like what I said to my boyfriend. In my case, we had been together for so long that the realtionship had become too comfortable. I didn't feel attracted to him anymore. I felt like while I was growing and learning, and figuring who I was and what I wanted, he wasn't doing any of those things. He was comfortable and wanted everything, including himself and me, to stay the same forever.

As a result, we broke up for a while, both dated other people, but stayed in touch and still saw each other from time to time. I always loved him, but didn't feel "in love", as cliche as that sounds. He was very good about giving me the space I needed, without ignoring me. He still did sweet things for me every once in a while, wrote me a note here and there, but didn't crowd me or try to force anything. We began to realize things about ourselves and each other, and slowly, over time, I felt attracted to him again. We started dating again, have since gotten back together and plan to get married in a few years. It's never going to feel just the same as it was "before" because our relationship has matured and grown. Now we can really grow together.

If she's mentioned any specific things about you or the relationship that leave something to be desired, think about them. Don't just dismiss it. You could always ask her if y'all could spend some time together to talk, and you could ask for her honest thoughts and feelings about everything going on. Tell her she has a carte blanche, nothing she says will be held against her because what you're most interested in is what needs to change for her, you, and the relationship. Let her know you're not going to try to persuade her, and you won't drag it out. If she says ok, hold your tongue and LISTEN. Your goal here is to learn, not to argue or try to convince. A lot of women admire perseverance and leadership combined with thoughtfulness and forbearance in men, and need to be able to respect a man to feel attracted. She doesn't want to be controlled or ignored, but she's also not going to be attracted if you seem needy. Somewhere for each of you in the relationship there's the right balance between passive and agressive.

The gist is, love is always worth fighting for. But it's not something you can force. Don't blow it off, but don't be pushy either. Remember, we don't always get what we want right away. Sometimes the best things in life are those we fight for with patience and perseverance.

Answer 10

you can't make her feel the same way you do, however if you love her, stick around. she may just need this time. you guys have been together for 7 years, she is not cutting you off completely, you still talk and see each other, give it time.
but, don't make yourself too available for her!! the worst thing that you could do is make her think that you are desperate. if you aren't available every time she calls you, she will realize how much she wants to be around you.