My husband shared with me that he has had thoughts about his ex-girlfriend a couple times a month every since they broke up. This was over 8 years ago. We got together shortly afterward and married right out of high school. He recently saw her and stopped to chat but said he felt a feeling in his gut like he was doing something wrong. What do you all think his problem is? Why would he still be thinking about this girl after this long. He was a freshman in high school when they dated, for crying out loud! He said they never had sex but came close to it. She broke up with him and they never really talked again. Could he have some unresolved issues from being dumped and not knowing why? Is he longing for the "old days"? He says the feelings he has are not sexual but that he simply reminisces about their relationship.
2006-06-20 08:35:45 · 12 answers · asked by toosexy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One thing you can't control, is an other person's feelings. My advice - make light of it. The more energy you give it, the more of a problem it will become. We all reminisce about the past. No harm it that. It's bad when we start thinking about what our partner should or shouldn't think about.
When you've been married 8 yrs., not uncommon to look back. Just make sure you keep the love coming!
2006-06-20 08:51:20 · answer #1 · answered by katie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think that for 8 years, he still loved his ex all along... i think, he bumped into her, saw how hot she is right now -- and now he can't stop thinking about her.
honestly, who here does not get over a past love especially if it was 8 years ago. the feeling may not have been there but probably, there are "new" feelings now -- and this has nothing to do with the "old" feelings.
where did she and your husband bump into each other anyway?... not to control your husband, but if he keeps on agreeing to meet her more, the more these "new feelings" will grow intense. our best bet is to keep him away from the ex. if he keeps bringing that topic up, ask him "do YOU want to be with her?" most probably the answer is no. and he would give some lame excuse like "im only meeting her as a friend" or something like that -- that's how these things start in the first place. not that you forbid that he doesn't see this woman ever again -- well, you do. you have to be clear about your wishes -- that you don't want him seeing that woman, and he has to respect your wishes. if not, then something's going on here -- the respect is gone, next one to go is trust.
be clear with what you want -- explain to your husband why you want it, and stand on your ground. don't be swayed by "we're just friends".
2006-06-20 08:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly understand how this is making you feel. It hurts my heart to think of my husband thinking about an ex.(he has no exes worth thinking about, though, thank GOD) Anyway, I think it is not ever so much about exes, first loves or high school sweethearts that people so much care about reminiscing about, but the time period that these memories make us revisit. I hope that made sense. Whenever I think about my first love it takes me back to a time in my life that I love thinking about. It inevitably has nothing to do with my ex, it just makes me smile thinking about being young and silly and I enjoy revisiting that time in my life. Your husband probably has resolved all issues with this ex girlfriend.
I think he may just be thinking about the "old days" like you said. As we get older we try hard to hang on to every ounce of our youth. We will all go through phases of thinking about our past and our highschool days and our first loves. If he was a freshman when they dated he was too young to even know what real love was. Seeing her again probably just made him think about being young and it probably just brought back all kinds of feelings about his youth, not so much about her. He is human. You should consider yourself lucky that your husband shares his feelings with you and you should appreciate his honesty. Memories are a wonderful thing and they are the one thing people can't take away from us. Don't worry about this. I am sure he loves you and that is why he shared his feelings with you because he trusted that you would understand. Don't read too much into it or you will drive yourself crazy.
2006-06-20 08:54:05 · answer #3 · answered by whatshername 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has something that a lot of people share... everyone is wondering about their highschool partners that never had sex with and how if might have gone, but the truth is that is nohing too deep
2006-06-20 08:39:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, anybody can miss anybody and he might just feels a little empty inside because he got dumped and he thought maybe it should have not been that way
2006-06-20 08:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by amber_1cutie_goodgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you never forget your first love and it just brings it all back. Maybe he still doesn't understand what went wrong between them but I don't think that means he loves you any less... its probably just something thats been at the back of his mind and he didn't realise it
2006-06-20 08:38:58 · answer #6 · answered by Craftyness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a good question you have to ask yourself, ever wondered why? how's your marriage? there must be a reason for this. explore and learn .... it must be a clue that you need to spice-up your marriage a little bit ..... why would he even think about another woman when he has got you?
2006-06-20 08:52:57 · answer #7 · answered by Josie V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is normal. Everyone wonders about people in their pasts. There is no reason to be concerned. Entretaining thoughs of "what if" is harmless...
2006-06-20 08:46:06 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that there are very un easy feelings here. I think that becuase he is sharing this with you, it must be real important to him. Be grateful, becuase most men would;nt say a thing to there spouses. But if anyone knows the true feeling of then you one should also know, that he very much loved this women. He knew it was over but after all these years he is still very emaotional when it comes to her. I think that there are issues that he yet to resolve. He needs to reolve them so you guys can continue with the beauitful life yall have made. Remeber this is hard for him very hard, becuase now that she has popped back up from the past all these emotions are still with him. Talk with him very gently, find out whats going inside that mind of his. Let him know that it ok to still have emotions, but remind him were his heart is and has to remain. Let him get these feelings out and talk about with him. Let him know that you are not at all jealous, but more concerned that he is holding back his true feelings for this women. Help him get over and past them, he will love you more in the long run. Dont push away unless you wanna lose to this women. Which I know as a women i would nt wanna lose to the high school girlfriend after all these years right.try to be as normal as possible when you question him about, ask if there is anything you can do to make this tuff time he has going inside of him any better. Remeber dont show alot of signs as the jealous wife. Its ok to show some but dont throw in the towel on him yet, not after all these years. Remeber your first love and try to think about how you felt about that. I still see my very first love, i didnt know when i was dating him that i loved him in that way, but after having children and marrying my husband i know now what true is all about. I still have issues from my past, but i chose to keep them in so i dont hurt anyone i love. yes this means i did and still do love this guy, when i see mutaul friends that we had when we were dating, i always ask of him and how he id doind and still after all these years he still ask of me, i know there will come day when we will talk about our past to one another, and when that day comes i will have alot of questions that my true love will have to answer to for me as i know i will have to do the same. but after us adluts grow up and really know what loves is and how it feels we realize things that is now to late to change. that is the way i feel anyway. Like I said be very calm about the situation as he is lost in his own world right now, be supportive, not to jealous, and find out as much as you can from him about his past with her. Good luck and if you need someone to chat with about this let me know, i know excalty how your husband is feeling, you can email me at cqueen742003@ yahoo.com
2006-06-20 08:52:37 · answer #9 · answered by prettygirl new orleans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES HE DOES. SOUNDS LIKE HE WAS REALLY HOOKED ON THAT GIRL AND SHE LEFT HIM HANGING. SOME TIMES PEOPLE NEVER GET OVER THEIR FIRST LOVE. HE REALLY NEEDS TO WORK THIS OUT, CUZ SOUNDS LIKE IT IS GONNA HAVE A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
2006-06-20 09:03:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋