How can I leave husband when I have children, youngest 11, and no money or other family? He won't leave.?

Question

I do not love him anymore, have had counselling and Dr put me on antidepressants but they made me feel muzzy so stopped taking them. When he is in the home I cant laugh, I only want to cry but try not to cos of the children. We have not slept in the same bed for 3 years, cos I usd to cry myself to sleep cos he wouldnt cuddle me. I have lost all respect for him, he is always moaning about lack of money but has never studied or tried to get a better paid job. He used to visit his Mum & Dad straight from work every night even when we were newly married, and he wont understand that that made me feel second rate. He has a growth in his abdomen, I took him to the Docs some years ago when it was a lot smaller and she said she would refer him to the hospital but he wouldn't go cos he is scared what else they would find! I told him that he was being irresponsible.
Anyone know how on earth I can get away or better still get him away?

Answer 1

If you husband has not committed any form of physical abuse against you or your children, there is no way to have him removed. If you truly do not believe the two of you can save your marriage, the best thing to do is go your separate ways. That may mean that you will have to find a place to stay. It will be very difficult and as you know, as you will not receive much support from you husband, especially if you leave him. The court systems takes time and if you are feeling lonely, wait until you actually separate from you husband. When the children are spending time with him, you only have yourself. I do not wish divorce on anyone, because, I have been through it, not by choice. But, if pray about it and believe it is best for you and your children, you will have to make that big step. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Sounds like a big, black hole..
It doesn't sound as if you are kind to each other anymore, let alone passionate. You are holding on to a lot of resentment about his behaviour and it has driven you apart. Is his health a continuing concern, or just an example of how cowardly and useless you think he is? If you see and treat each other in those terms it can only breed contempt and feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, it becomes a vicious circle. You need help to change that pattern, but it doesn't sound as if he would go for marriage counselling. Perhaps he would if you told him it was that, or you were going to seek a divorce.
See a solicitor, get clear on your position there. If you divorce half the house would be yours but in the interim who would live where? Would he go to his parents? Look for a job, become independent. That is very hard if you are depressed. You can try different anti depressants/ counselling/ exercise to lift your mood and help you cope with addressing all these questions. Children adapt; it can't be very healthy living in such a constrained atmosphere.

Answer 3

I had to get away from my X husband. I saved money. I had what I called my escape box, where over a couple of years I bought things I thought I might need in the future. I hadn't worked in years. I got a part time job.
Find yourself a good attorney who will work perdiem for you. which means free until your spouse has been through the court process. Find a womens support group. Maybe one for abused women. Actually emotional abuse is worse than being hit. If you have had both, you are wounded and need to change your life.
Be brave. If I did it you can too. One step at a time.
Be strong.

Answer 4

Well, if you have a job then you can get a loan from the bank. Also if you need to talk then call a close family member and you might be surprised at what they might can help you with. If he was abusive or violent then they have hotlines and centers for families in your situations. And if he ever,ever,ever,everEver puts his hands on you then call the police. Well I do not know of much to do but I hope the best for you and your family. Hang on in there until maybe a blessing will come to you.

Answer 5

You don't say whether or not you have bought a house together. My friend was in a similar position but their house was rented. She was advised to seek advice from a solicitor about getting him to leave. She stuck it out and he eventually moved out. I just wonder how your kids are coping with the atmosphere in the house. You could suggest to him that it would be better for everyone if he did leave. Whatever happens, the kids lives should be kept as near to normal as they can be i.e shouldn't have to change schools, friends etc.
I think you need some legal advice though. As for money, if you are not working, you can claim income support, child tax credits and if you rent, can get housing benefit as well as council tax benefit.

Answer 6

This is a tough life to live, honey. He isn't going to leave. So are you? With the kids? First off, start with another doctor to give you a different medicine. They all work differently. Paxil and Celexa makes you gain weight. Zoloft is OK. Prozac flattens out your emotions. Effesor works the best for me (for now) because it works on three serontins. Cymbal ta just came out. You're unhappy because you ARE unhappy. Your kids are probably unhappy because their parents aren't doing anything about it. Go back to school and get an education. Get another job..Save for your future. Talk with your clergyman or rabbi for counseling. Or contact your local mental health clinic. Also, make him go to the doctor. If the growth is malignant, you need to prepare for that one. Good luck, dear. You are going to need it.

Answer 7

You are an adult, you are your children's mother and you shouldnt be leaving their father for any reason.
Remember why you fell in love? Thats what you should be fighting for.
Stop crying because he wont hug you, he might die tomorrow because of this growth and your child will blame you.
Go to couple councilling. There may be a reason why he wont hug you - get back into bed with him and put your arms round him.

Alternitively give him a reason to leave. Bring Mr Right home with you one night.

Answer 8

First get some qualification if you don't have a degree. Second, get a job. Third, leave his place with the children. It's going to be tough, try to find the support of your family and friends and get out from that awful person who you still consider to be your husband.

Answer 9

If it was me I wouldn't leave, did you ever consider maybe some of his current behaviour could be depression over the growth. I would notify his parents of his condition to see if they could get him to do something about it, it could be cancer.
It is his house so you don't have the right to kick him out and you don't have money to support your son, plus your taking anti depressants, you need to start working on your problems instead of moping, I know its not the happiest situation and I do understand but see about getting a job and get on with your life.

Answer 10

Get out. Your kids deserve better even if you don't think you do.

Speak to your GP, there are agencies out there who can help you and he/she will have contact details. Apply for a council house now - just you and your kids- and ask if they can send any correspondence to a friends house or your work so that he doesn't find out.

I hate to say it but pretend that he beats you (not the kids though) to get better help from these agencies. He won't get in trouble if you say you have no evidence and don't want to press charges, but it will make you eligible for so much more. Might not want to tell this lie to family or friends though for obvious reasons.

I used to work for an agency that helped women like you so trust me on this one.