I recently got married to the greatest man in the world. He is everything I have ever wanted and more. I was married before to a man who cheated every chance he got and that has left some scars. I know just because someone gets married doesn't mean they no longer see. My problem is I always catch him staring at other women. Not just a glance or even a double take, really really stares- up and down! I feel like this is really disrespectful to me. I realize sometimes that it may just be me and my insecurities but I really feel like he does it excessively. I don't even like going places with him sometimes because I always end up feeling like crap by the time we get home. He says he doesnt' do this and even if he does he is coming home with me every night and that is all that matters. I don't believe he would cheat on me. How do I deal with this? Any advice on how to get over it? For the men, what exactly are you thinking when you look at other women? Just looking? Sex?
2006-06-20 08:22:40 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know that everybody looks at the opposite sex, even me. But I don't do it in front of him to the point that he does. When I am not around I don't care what or who he looks at and I have told him that.
2006-06-20 08:43:39 · update #1
I do trust him- it isn't about me thinking he is going to- the end of my question was just curiousity-it is ALL about how it makes me feel about myself
2006-06-20 08:45:54 · update #2
In most cases, just looking. We mean no disrespect to the lady we're with, it's just that the female body is BEAUTIFUL, and we enjoy looking at it. Don't get upset, in fact, point them out to him. It will ease your tension, and might make him think a little. Good Luck!
2006-06-20 08:28:34 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows that you have been betrayed in the past - so logically he would want to portect you from further hurt or insecurities. Surely he has no desire to cheat on you, but that behaviour goes against the basics of common courtesy. Sorry guys - you can't justify your bad behaviour all the time by saying that the woman is just being insecure. It is very very bad manners. RUDE would be the word. So what your husband needs are some lessons in good behaviour - something his mother should have taught him. Your husband is being particularly insensitive knowing your history - so while you do not have to put it the way I have put it, you still need to communicate with him and let him know that in your books it is not OK. Stop blaming yourself for the sins of men. Does he belch and fart in your face? No - let's hope not. Then in this as well he should demonstrate more respect toward 'all' women - especially his wife.
2006-06-20 15:46:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are thinking about sex when they look at other women. Looking is completely normal. Letting you see them look is pretty insensitive, especially considering what you've been through. Even his comment about going home to you at night shows a lack of sensitivity, as if as long as he does that you have no right to expect anything else of him.
Here's my suggestion: next time the two of you go out, have difficulty paying attention to what he is saying because you are so distracted by other men, look them up and down lingering in the crotch and buttocks area. When he says something tell him that you come home to him every night and that's all that matters. Some people have trouble with empathy and they don't get it until it happens to them. If you get many good responses, you can also have your husband read them.
You can love him and respect him without letting him wipe his feet on you. Target has a large selection of doormats.
2006-06-20 15:38:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men do check out women. And a few are very appealing to look at. Are they thinking sex? Maybe, but most of the time they just like what they see. Personally, it doesn't bother me because my boyfriend comes home w/ me, says he loves me, and shows his love for me. Sure the girls may be pretty to look at but he picked me! That's what matters the most. I'm not to blame either, I've checked out hot guys when I see them. So it goes both ways.
Since your last relationship left such a scar on you, maybe you should ease up a little bit on your husband. So broach the subject nicely that you're uncomfortable with him checking out other girls. Let him know it makes you feel rotten. But I also suggest you work on your insecurities. Get comfortable about your physical appearance. You said he's the greatest man in the world who hasn't shown any cheating tendencies. He loves you. He's married to you and goes home w/ you.
2006-06-20 15:35:07 · answer #4 · answered by Susan C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that will help you get over this is time and time alone you need to seek counseling for you and maybe consider a seperation If you are handling your business and he's still cheating let it go for now don't give him the power to just keep doing it with no consequenses come on you are better than that, maybe you thought b/c he's good in other areas fidelity is an important area as well don't keep taking it stand up! The more he does it the harder it will be for you to trust him ever and why live like that.
2006-06-20 15:30:36 · answer #5 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can be so mean. I've have this same problem. It's not your fault, it's not your low self-esteem (out of self-respect it should bother you), it's not something men can't help, and it IS a problem of disrespect - especially since you've told him. It's all about self-control.
For example - there's a beautiful babe over there, but I'm here with my wife, so out of respect, I won't stare. I'll look down at the ground. Not so hard!
Take a stand - tell him that the next time will be the last time you go out with him - and stick too it!
It's normal for a guy to look - but a man who respects his girl will keep it in check when they are out together.
2006-06-20 16:07:10 · answer #6 · answered by katie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been in the same situation and it is hard once you have had your trust betrayed but honestly I think it is more habit then out of disrespect for you, if you believe in your heart that he will not cheat on you allow your heart to think for you don't always assume that he is staring sometimes they drift off and don't even realize what it is you are seeing..I had a wonderful 12 yr marriage and even though I had been cheated on before I met my husband I couldn't blame him for the mistakes of the other person..Please becareful because this could become an issue in your relationship and cause alot of heart ache trust him and realize that if he isnt giving you a actual reason to believe he is unfaithful allow him to take looks as long as he isnt touching no harm done....And ask your self has there ever been a time that you have looked at ahot guy a little longer then your husband would of liked? we are all quilty of staring and oggiling but as long as your hands stay to you all is fine....Good Luck and I hope you learn to trust again..
2006-06-20 15:34:27 · answer #7 · answered by shell b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have issues with insecurity because of your first husband and naturally with what you went through with him, you worry that it will happen again.
First you have to try and focus on the fact that not all men cheat. Ok... he is looking women over, and sadly, that is a guy thing... all guys do it, some do it on the sneak and others are more obvious about it. We women have a hard time understanding it... but it's not a slap against us at all. It is just male nature... Sure he shouldn't be so obvious in front of you... that is kinda wrong on his part... Just ask him to not look so hard when your around.
As long as he is only with you, and he comes home every night... then you need to have faith in him.
Tawny
2006-06-20 15:28:15 · answer #8 · answered by Tawny Amber 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about how you feel. Let him know that you feel disrespected when he looks at other women. You need to talk to him and let him know whats going on in your head. Be honest and keep the communication open - don't hold this in, he needs to know how much this bothers you.
I think that all men look at women - some just do it more than others. Women look at other men too, it's just human nature - it doesn't mean that they are going to go out and cheat though.
2006-06-20 15:26:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really know your situation but I think you can do 3 things. The first one is go on the defensive and start looking to other men and see how he likes it. the other is to discuss it with him and share your previous experience and insecurities, and the most effective of all I think, is to make him understand that you don't have a problem with him looking at other women, if its not forbidden and mysterious men lose their interest
2006-06-20 15:28:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋