Husband of 3 years sent to jail, should I leave or stay?

Question

My husband of 3 years was recently sent to jail for something that happened before we married. I did not find out until after the fact. He had been out on bond pending an appeals trial. He lost, now has to serve his time. (3 years) We are expecting another child in a matter of weeks and his leaving has left me in an emotional and financial strain, not to mention what our children are going through. All my family is a thousand miles away and I wonder if I should return home or stay here until he is released. Any advice would help.

Answer 1

GO HOME WHERE YOUR FAMILY CAN BE WITH YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND HELP OUT. TRY TO STICK WITH HIM EMOTIONALLY CAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY LOVE THIS MAN, WHEN HE GETS OUT IF YOU STILL FEEL THE SAME ABOUT HIM THEN TRY TO PICK UP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF.

Answer 2

First of all, I am sorry for what you are going through.

I think the first question you should ask yourself is... is this something that may happen again when his three years are up? Or, was it a mistake he made and it is now out of his system?

Second question would be.... can you handle being on your own with your children financially and emotionally for 3 years?

Maybe what you could do, is go and be with your family for the support you may need to make it until he can be released. The once he is released, maybe he can come that 1000 miles and start a new life with you there, where you have family and friends, and starting a new life can sometimes be a blessing.

If you think your husband will never go through this again, and if you truly love him, and he loves you, then you can make it through the 3 years with letters and phone calls while you are 1000 miles away.

Listen to your heart... but dont spite yourself. If you need support then go be with your family, even if its for a short visit to just regroup yourself.

Good Luck
Tawny

Answer 3

Wow.
I'm glad I'm not in your shoes.

First things first.
Any lawyer would probably agree that he was not upfront and honest with you when you entered into marriage (a legal contract).
So, if you decide to leave him, you have legal grounds for divorce.

Now, you did not mention the nature of the jail sentence.
And I assume you mean something on a city or county incarceration.
Was his crime of a civil or criminal nature?
A first-time offender?
Will he have a chance for early parole?
Have you talked with his attorney about the sentence and the crime - do you have all the facts?

Next, you mention you have another child on the way.
How many kids do you have and who was the sole provider for the family?
Are there any opportunities for you to get a good-paying job?
What are your work-related skills?
Do you plan on getting welfare?
Your kids are your first priority, not to mention the importance of prenatal care.

After assessing the above mentioned things, maybe you should talk with his attorney and see if there can be an early-release agreement reached with the courts or District Attorney, based on hardship to the family (you and the kids).

So...this man either hid the truth from you or lied about his past.
Either way, it'll leave a long-lasting scar on your heart.
Only you can decide if you and he can make it if and when he gets out.
Only you can decide if it is better to raise your kids without a father-figure.

As far as your family goes, I would hope that they could offer support (financial, emotional, etc).
Blood is suppose to be thicker than water, but one never knows!

Best wishes to you and your kids.

Answer 4

where are you staying? You have to decide whatever is best for you and kids. Is he a criminal or its a mistake. Is he guilty and looking for pardon or is he guilty and arrogant. There will be a lot of questions in your mind and suggestions by people. BUT u have to look at your self, not him, not people, not children. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with this person from your experience in the past 3 years. If, yes, then go ahead Forgiving is the answer and be there. Remember, where ever u are parents or no parents, husband or no husband, children or no children, there is 1 person who is always there for u, that is GOD. Now if you have trust, belief, then u will have unconditional support also. Your neighbours, associates, people around you are god gifted, the situation is god gifted, to strengthen you, accedpt it with grace. You will come out with flying colors. And if ur husband has to serve for three years, it will do him good. Hold on to your faith, which ever religion u believe, u are blessed, u will have all the support.
keep in touch
Love

Answer 5

Return home Temporally !!!! A man that you are married to shouldn't hide anything from you, but you said for better or for worse! So now just return home for a while so your family can help you emotionally and financially, until your husband get out of jail and you guys can discuss the next step in your marriage.

Answer 6

Trust me, I have been there. When my son turned 4 months his dad went to jail. You CAN NOT do this ALONE. It doesn't matter if you return home or not he is stilll going to be in jail. You need to just focus and you and your child and whats best for you and your child. You need to be around your family and as a new mother you are going to need help especially at first. You are going to need the financial support of your family since your childs father will not be able to contribute. Leaving would be the best thing to do for you and for your child. Staying is not going to make him come home faster. Get yourself together and when he does get out allow him to see his child and encourage him to do better and once he see's that you are not going to stop your life for him then he will try his best to stay out of that place. Good luck, and congrats on the new baby!

Answer 7

Check into all the options that the jail has for married mens wifes and kids. There is usually something that they can help you with.
I was with a man years ago that I had a kid with, he went to jail and I got involved with this program. it was that long ago, cause now i can't remember the name "John Howard Society.. maybe?" they will help you out with financial and getting to see him.
check out other resources they may have now, as this was years ago, times had changed.. but I'm sure there must be something.
He made a mistake. Stay with him and show him some support, he needs you now. :)
if you can't find any help.. go back to your family for a bit till he gets out of jail.. talk to him about this.

Answer 8

It looks like there was a lack of trust and communication from the very start of the relationship. For some reason there was some sort of deception on his part by not telling you about this important piece of information.
Throw in the chips and move on with your life, time to move on. Strongly advise to carry on with your child and better yourself. Perhaps if it's worth it, he can join you in the future, but for now, there is not a whole lot you can do for him. If unsure as to wheter he should know where you are, rent a p.o. box and have letters sent to it. Good luck.

Answer 9

I think you should move back with your family until he is resealed. If your family is more than whiling to help you out, emotionally and financial. then by all means take that opportunity. You have enough to go through with your pregnancy. After he is released then both of ya can discuss both of your futures. I personally say to wait for him. If what he did to get in there to begin with is not that serous and you are OK with it, then give the relationship chance, but then again it all depends on you. Are you willing to wait that long for someone?

Answer 10

hi, I suggest u to speak with him once and know from him what he thinks about ur life and children. Then u can decide what to do. Get into some job so that u can be involved whole day and it will be good earnings for ur daily expenses. 3 yrs is not a long time. it will get over soon. If u are not feeling comfortable then u can stay with ur family for 3 yrs.

Answer 11

He married you under false pretenses. You can seek a divorce and move on with your life. When he gets out,nail him for the support that was denied you by his untold truth about his past. What he did is not your fault and the support of your family would be good right now.