I just got married, I'm pregnant, we have 5 kids, and my sister wants to come live with us, what should I do?
I'm 4 months pregnant with twins, I'm already an emotional roller coster and my husband and I have five kids between the two of us. My 27 yr old sister lives with my mom, but likes my place better and has been here for the last 2wks. She is exactly the type of woman my husband usually goes for, and I'm feeling a little insecure. He has mistakenly called me her name twice already, once why telling me he loves me. At the beach this past weekend, I wasn't feeling up to walking through all the sand to get to the ocean late one night, so my husband and my sister go without me, granted my 11yr old daughter went with them. My husband is a good Chritian man who has reassured me that he would never cheat on me, and he thinks that my thoughts about this are petty. He wants her to stay with us because he feels that I could use the companionship while I'm not working. The thing is, I have let her live with me in the past, and my ex ended up having sexual feelings for her. Please, what should I do?
2006-06-20
07:00:31
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18 answers
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asked by
candy0813
3
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry, I mistyped the word Christian. To everyone who thinks my sister is a whore, she is not. She just flirts naturally, just like I do. However, I am worried that my husband use to think we looked nothing alike, and even said that she was not that attractive when he first met her. That was because we caught her on a bad day. Since staying with us, she has dropped some weight, and keeps her hair and makeup done. He told me last night that he thinks that "Now, I see that you and your sister do look alike, and you both act alike also". That statement worries me, but he makes me think that I"m just jeolous, and that all this is petty, which make me mad at him! My ex and my sister use to tell me I was crazy, jealous and making things up while all the while they both knew that my fiance was doing nasty things in front of her, and giving her money without my knowledge. I didn't find any of that out until two years and a baby later, when my OTHER sister told me.
Thanks for answering.
2006-06-20
07:02:03 ·
update #1
You should definitely NOT let your sister stay with you! She needs to get her own place and like it better because its her own. She has messed around with your ex and you are opening the door to more messing around with your husband. Although your husband says you have nothing to worry about you are leaving the door open for possible temptation. This is something that you definitely need to think about because if something were to happen it would not only affect you but your 5 kids and twins on the way. Be smart and do the right thing for your family and by family I don't mean your sister, she is a grown woman or at least should be any way. I've done tried helping my sisters before and let me tell you no matter how much I say or do they continue on with there same tricks and have yet to grow up themselves. So I leave saying this some people need to learn the hard way that is the only way they will ever learn!
2006-06-20 10:38:13
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answer #1
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answered by Jane C 2
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First of all, family should not live with family. You need to do right by your sister and tell her she has 2 weeks to find a job and a place of her own, I mean 27 years old, come on. You have your husband and your children for companionship, and if you need someone else, then go visit your sister or your mom for that matter. This decision for her to move out should come from the both of you, but if your husband doesnt support it, then you do it yourself, as she is your sister after all!
You say you are christians, so Im assuming you attend a church? Talk to your pastor/counselor and get some Godly advice on this, and he will tell you basically what I just did, especially when you put all your cards on the table, sometimes you just have to! Its not healthy for you to have these feelings either, so be up front with how you feel, and take control of this situation before its too late, come on, you CAN do this!
2006-06-20 07:17:33
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answer #2
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answered by Katz 6
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No, no, no, no. You are recently married and now is the time to be focusing on your husband, your marriage and your children. I let a friend stay in our home once my husband and I got married and it cause so much strife and had such a huge negative influence on us. we are seperated now, although i am hoping we will begin reconciling soon...i'm praying for it every day.
Back to you...this just isn't a good idea. I understand that you could use the help and the companionship but as I said, this is the time to be focusing on you and your family...not having your sister live with you. She already has a place to stay so it is not like you are putting her out on the street. If you are already feeling insecure about it, I would say that is an even bigger reason not to allow this. your insecurity will come across to your husband, whether you mean for it to or not, and it will cause emotional stress on the two of you.
If you decide to allow this I think very strict ground rules need to be in place. All three of you need to sit down and discuss how much she will contribute to the household, be it by paying rent, doing all the cleaning, the cooking, something. You also need to make it clear to her that there will be times when it needs to be just you and your husband doing things together and that she is not always welcome to tag along.
If you want to talk more about this, please please feel free to email me.
2006-06-20 12:18:33
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answer #3
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answered by melissa C 1
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Your sister has stabbed you in the back before and she will probably do it again. There is no reason why you should take the chance. You have 5 kids and 2 on the way. You have to think about YOU. Regardless of whether they do anything with each other or not its bothering you and will continue to bother you. This is your home. You should be comfortable in it. I have ALWAYS said that you never bring another women into your house. Your just asking for trouble. Sister would be different but you cant trust your sister. Good Christian men cheat all the time. Dont hang your hat on that. Your sister needs to go, end of story.
2006-06-20 07:08:39
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answer #4
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answered by JustMe 6
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Tell the sponge to find her own place to live and to get her own life. 1st sponge off of Mom and Dad and now you. Sounds like your husband may be getting feelings for her too. Don't let men fool you. I know how they think. Sure she can come visit if she wants to but at the end of the day she should go home to her own place. I don't think anybody in their right mind would put themself in a ready made family unless they have other ideas on the side. Wasn't Jerry Falwell and Jim Baker christians.? You see what they did.
2006-06-20 07:12:28
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answer #5
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answered by daanzig 4
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I wouldn't let her stay. That would be bringing temptation into you home. Regardless how much of a christian your husband is, he is still a man. You already made a mistake from having your sister live with you before, so no need to go that route again. She is 27, she needs her own place.
2006-06-20 07:12:21
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answer #6
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answered by carmelbrown2001 3
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If you are uncomfortable then you need to let everyone know how you feel. Sit down with your hubby and your sister (seperatley or together) and tell them how you feel and why you feel that way. Let your sister know you love her, but that you are concerned she may affect your marriage. Just be honest with your sister and hubby - if you are concerned you need to listen to your gut feeling and tell them.
You might really benefit from having your sister around - to help with the kids and also be a friend for you while you are at home. But unless you let her know how you feel about her being flirty with your hubby, you are going to grow to resent her and have ill feelings towards her.
2006-06-20 07:12:06
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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One word: NO.
If you are feeling insecure about it and worried it might interfere with your marriage, even on an emotional level if never a physical level, then you should not allow this to happen. It will also cause problems with her overstaying her welcome or maybe even freeloading, there are tons of things were this sounds like it will end badly. It sounds like it already happened with your ex.
Even if this puts a strain on your relationship with your sister, it would be better then a total collapse of your relationship with her - and him.
2006-06-20 07:09:34
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answer #8
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answered by Kraagenskul 2
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I guess you really want an answer. NO and NO and NO. Let your sister stay with her mom or get her own place. Besides she is too old to be living with anyone anyway.
2006-06-20 07:41:46
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answer #9
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answered by kitcat 6
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I know you've been burned before, but trust in your husband. If you can't trust him now, you don't trust him at all.
If she needs a place to stay, I say put her to work! Sounds like you have quite a few little ones that she could help out with. Make her earn her keep. :)
2006-06-20 07:04:11
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answer #10
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answered by eewill 2
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