What should I do now? Please Help me! I need Advice!?

Question

I've been with my fiance for 2 years now and within those 2 years I've had an abortion because of my parents forcing me too, and I also had 4 miscragies and now I am 10 weeks pregnant again and I am having problems with this baby too. My fiance told me that if anything happens to this baby that he doesn't want to try anymore... So what do I do if I lose this baby... I want to have my own children and I wish that he would understand that we can keep trying... But he says if something happens to this baby that he's done trying... Mind you I'm only 20 and He's 22... So please help me

Answer 1

Dear Krystle T.

Before I begin, need to say that 98% of things that we worry about do not happen. You must look at life and your situation more positive way and stop stressing.

Ok. Now.

You had an abortion. It is a very painful thing and I am sure you still feel hurt about it and blame yourself.

Then you had 4 miscarriages. Now you pregnant (I assume with the same man) and the only thing I could say, than I hope your parents will not force you to have an abortion again. Then there is your fiancé, who said he will to try again. I am confused a bit. Try what?? Men do not suffer as they just have plain 'sex' and they want it all the time, but I am very concern about what is happening with you. You only 20 and have a life ahead of you!!

I have no idea what problems you have with a baby, is it medical or because of the pressure with your parents. I will assume that this is medical. So, may I ask you: what is the rush? You ONLY 20, lost already 5 babies, now there is possibility of yet another loss so that will mean 6.

If you loose the baby, I suggest you go on contraceptive as soon as possible not to get pregnant again for at least 2-3 years. The healthiest time to have a baby is 23-24, so believe me you still have time, in fact woman in her 45-50s have babies.. so you have another life time before hand to have babies: believe me, you have time!!

As you wait for your body to recuperate, get better educated, let your fiancé rebuild himself too (maybe for some reason he blames himself however he has no excuse not to support you: he gets you pregnant, his duty is to support you), let him also further education (you both so young, young adults), get a good job, get stable home, get money in the bank, go and travel, get married (that would be the best way of introducing life into family), then go to doctor and plan properly.

Your fiancé should mature, maybe you put a lot of pressure on him re the baby and that you want one: that is why he says he will not try anymore: ask yourself how often do you say to him you want a baby, his baby etc??

Stop that!! Live!! You both young, you must enjoy your youth, have fun, get to know each other, and plan properly.

And also insure, that you make correct choices (mature choices) that you parents will not have to influence you with decisions.

Please, give your body a break, relax, enjoy your beautiful age, the world has door open for you.

In the meantime I will pray for your unborn baby.

Best of luck and best regards

Desert

Ps. In the meantime I hope you going to a doctor and taking appropriate vitamins. You should go to the doctor to evaluate why you have miscarriages, as I hope you had an abortion in a good clinic not in ‘back street’ place, as unqualified place could have done something wrong. So go to doctor asap. Also, my very close friend had few miscarriages to discover eventually that the reason she was loosing her babies was that she was allergic to wheat.(bread). SO check everything. Please

Answer 2

Don't take this the wrong way but, how exactly did your parents force you to have an abortion? Did they take you to the clinic at gunpoint and threaten to kill you if you didn't? It was your choice to go through with it. If you had the abortion before the 4 miscarriages, your problems might stem from the abortion. That's one of the risks you take when you do that. I think whatever happens with this pregnancy, you should give it a rest. I think your body needs a break for a year or two and get healthy. There's obviously something going on and you are ignoring what your body is telling you. Maybe during that time, you and your fiance can talk about other options like using a surrogate to carry your egg fertilized with his sperm or and the possibility of trying again. I hope this helps and if I offended you, that was not my intention.

Answer 3

I think first you should calm down , and not think negative too much . Thinking and worrying will cause harm to you and the baby , so first you need to relax . I know its not easy to do so , when your emotionally attached , n the baby means so much to you . But worrying you will not gain anything , be optimistic it helps , it helped me alot during my pregnancy , I too had a lot of complications believe me being positive helps . About your fiance he too must be emotionally upset , give him some time , and when he see kids around he again will want one . He won't be able to say no kids any more . And the most imp go see your doctor and tell him what you feel , tell him your doubts , and ask questions don't hesitate n last if anything goes wrong give time to your body to recover so that next time you have a healthy baby . Normally it takes 2 to 3 years for the body to recover all nutrients . So take care and all the best . God bless .

Answer 4

Well I am sure this has been very emotionally draining for both of you. Take it easy and see an expert. They have doctors out there specifically for high risk pregnancies.
If you do lose this baby take a break. Let your body and your mind recover.
As you guys grow a little older in a couple years you can try again. In the meantime just enjoy being together.
You are both still very young.
It is possible that he is having a hard time right now but in the future will be ready to try for a family again.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Have you seen a fertility specialist yet? After 4 miscarriages, it may be smart to have both of you checked out just to rule out any physical causes. You should go to a consultation together to discuss options and maybe the doctor can help your fiance understand what's going on and whether or not it's a good idea for you two to keep trying. If there are physical problems, you can discuss other options and it may help your fiance feel like you're both more in control of the situation and have better chances of a successful pregnancy.
Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

If you've had 4 m/c's in the past your doc should have put you on something to help prevent that. There can be a reason (like a progesterone deficiency) that causes miscarriages (although they do happen for no reason at all as well). Get in to your doc right away, ask them to run some bloodwork on you (like progesterone) and see if there is something they can do to help you.

As far as your fiancee goes...I have no advice for you. He may think he doesn't want to try anymore, at least at the moment, but he may also change his mind someday. The question you have to ask yourself is: Are you willing to wait and see if he does? Do you want children badly enough that you will do whatever it takes, even if it means finding someone new? I'm not saying you SHOULD do these things, only that you need to be honest with yourself.

I wish you all the luck.

Answer 7

Trying times are ahead in your life. It is difficult to handle these decisions; especially to have one forced on you. Trying to have children of your own is admirable and a great goal to achieve in life. Your fiance may just be tired, like you, of trying and failing. Failing is a difficult part of life for men to handle. He may want to have a child of his own just as much as you do, but he has failed so much that he doesn't think he can do it. If this is truly the case, do not get upset with him for saying that he does not want to try. Just walk up to him and ask him to help you make your dream a reality. When a man knows that someone he cares about wants something, it gives a man the strength to pick up and try again.

Right now, you need to make a serious analysis of what is going on in your life. Are you ready to have a baby? Can you honestly pay the expenses associated with caring for a child right now this very instant? Are you sure you are going to be married? Do you have the support of your family in this endeavor (being out of marriage that is)? Right now may not be the time for you to have a child. You might just want to hold off on the trying until you are married, or maybe for another year. Miscarrages and abortions take their toll of the reproductive system and yours may just need some recovery time before trying again.

When all is said and done... Pray!

Answer 8

I would give him lots of education. Reading material. It's not your fault if you have a miscarriage. I would also talk him into some kind of couple counseling. And like the other one said don't try just let it come natural. And if he decided to start using some kind of protection to prevent you from getting pregnant then maybe you need to check yourself and make sure that this is the kind of guy you want in your life forever. Cause once you make a baby, daddy's in and out of your life for the next 18 years!

Answer 9

Look is going to be hard to have that baby because your body is used to not keeping the baby. If you really want these baby take care of yourself and go see a doctor. Don't carry heavy things and go walk to the park. Drink a lot of water.

Answer 10

Since your so young if something happens, you can just wait a while and give your body a chance to recuperate because of all those miscarriages. in time your fiancee will change his mind and you can try again.