I've been married for three years, I have a daughter that I love like crazy, but what about my marriage?

Question

We don't look at eachother the same way, we don't talk like we used to, we don't even sleep in the same bed, It seem like the only thing we have in common is that we love our daughter. I am confused because I want my wife to be happy, I want to be happy and I don't want my daughter to get hurt, Any advice?

Answer 1

If you can live together and sleep in separate beds, it sounds like everything's fine. But if you chose to live separately, you wouldn't be the first parents to split up. She's going to grow up and find out that her family isn't "normal" either way, so you really just have to do what you feel is right. If you think it's best to go your separate ways, do that. You both love your daughter and want only what is best for her, correct? If there is misery in the relationship that you have now, find a way to end it - STOP sharing space. If home is harmonious, why change it?
But then you also have to consider what YOU want out of life. If you think it's time you move on, then go ahead & do the separation & divorce thing. As long as that little girl knows that mommy and daddy with BOTH ALWAYS be there for her, and that mommy and daddy BOTH LOVE her, she will be perfectly happy and secure. And as for that "normal" thing I just threw at you... well, kids with parents who aren't married & don't live together is becoming more and more "normal," so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
My advice to you: Talk it out one day, get yourselves in to see a counselor once or twice, and decide whether you want to try & get your spark back, or if you want to try & move on as smoothly as possible. Right now you're somewhere in between, and "in between" will only work for so long.

Answer 2

Three years isn't a long time so the romance should still be there, what happpened?, and thats what you need to find out.

Maybe you should sit down and talk to her and found out why she is unhappy with you. Take her out for a romantic evening alone just the 2 of you. If you have any significant dates like first kiss, first time you met, etc. that would be even better. That would let her know that you care and remember the most important things. If that doesn't work, diamonds are a girls best friend, lol

Maybe you should look into marriage counseling. Do whatever it takes for your daughter. Good luck!

Answer 3

If you are both unhappy you will only do more harm than good to your daughter if you stay. I know because I spent 11 years in a unhappy marriage for what I thought was the sake of my children. If you really love each other you can work it out and start all over. Try starting with a date.

Answer 4

I think if you keep saying that you both love your daughter but you both are unhappy later in life you might make your daughter feel like it's all her fault that you 2 are unhappy.Even if you guys decide to split up remain friends and keep your cool and show your daughter that you both are great parents but don't stay together and use your child as a reason you are together when you are unhappy.You both need to be happy to make sure your daughter is happy.Even if it means happy with out being with each other, you still can make your daughter happy.Don't blame her cause she will resent you for it,

Answer 5

Stop whining and look deep within your soul at the reason you're with her in the first place. Do you like her? Love her? Like having sex with her? Is she your best friend? Staying together only for the kids is not worth it. But using kids as an excuse not to have an intimate relationship with your wife is also a bunch of crap.

Answer 6

you need to have serious talk with your wife. find out whats going in her head. have someone watch the kid, and go somewhere quiet and talk. have no time limits and nothing offlimit. you need to find out if you are still in love with each other. if not, there is no reason to stay together. not even for the kid. it will, believe me, do more harm than good. now, if you 2 think that there is hope and still love, then you need to start working. get back to some basics. schedule dates together. maybe even marriage consueling. ending the marriage is not the worst thing that can happen, not saying you are going there, but i went through the exact same thing. except my ex wasnt honest with me, we kept trying for 8 years, and she ended up leaving me and telling me that she never really loved me. we have a child, and he is fine. he adjusted to what happened and we never speak bad about each other in front of him. but you need to find out. sleeping in seperate beds is a big sign. something is not right and you need to get to the bottom of it, and the best way to do that is to talk.

Answer 7

You have to try to find the Fire that was once there..... If not then u will never find it........ Dont sleep on different bed sleep in the same one , go and get a babysitter for one night take her out so u both can remember what it was that brought u to together...... and talk and ind out where and when the problem started........

Answer 8

Once a child enters the picture all focus shifts to that child. Get back to the basics. Take an hour everyday to talk, go on dates (without involving your child), bring some of the spark back to what brought you together. A child needs to see that their parents are in it because they love each other, not out of duty. Best wishes...............

Answer 9

If you're not happy with your spouse. You're better off without it. You have to set an example to your daughter and get a divorce. It will show your daughter that you know how to make decisions.

Answer 10

Sometimes a trial separation works. Yes it may upset the little one. Once she sees how it upsets the little girl and how much you guys depend on each other things may come around. This may not be the best answer but it sure helped in my situation. Very similar!!