heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelpppp?

Question

ive only been married for 8 months( im 19 and hes 20) and we fight a lot i know that every body says its just the "adjustment" but i dont know if thats what it is or were just too diffrent people. i wanna say is it that he still has to mature a bit or what is it. im lost

Answer 1

You know you found the person for you when there is:
Nothing that they do that you can't live with and NOT complain.
Nothing they do makes you call your friends to rag on your partner.
Nothing that they do make’s you mad enough to tell them they have to:
-Grow up
-Change if they love you
-If you’re going to be that way let's get a big D.
Then you know you have found the right person.
Discover if you can live with them with NO changes.
Then the rest of life can be spent exploring all the wonderful things 2 people can enjoy in this world.

Answer 2

You do not specify if there is any one area of contention, but whatever the case may be, these are some suggestions that have worked well for me and those I love:
Establish ground rules for discussions or arguments. This is the foundation to which you both must adhere. No name calling, no blaming. Never interrupt. Use your ears more than your mouths and write down things you want to say in response to what you hear (rather than blurting them out). This will serve two purposes: when you write down your responses, you may find that they are more emotional and less pertinent. If they are pertinent, you will be able to express them in a more level tone when it is your turn to speak. Use "I" statements, like, "I feel bad when you say [blank]," instead of "You have a foul mouth." You both would benefit from communicating (either talking this out or writing down a list) what you want and expect in the relationship. Don't edit anything. Make it as comprehensive as you possibly can. It could be a fun game to play with each other, since no area of your relationship is taboo. You may be surprised to see (particularly when you are feeling poles apart) that you have very much in common. The basic idea is to play fair. At 19 and 20, you are both young and have lots of room to grow. Hopefully, you will find that you can grow together and enrich each other's lives. The sooner you can establish a game plan, the sooner you can both start to feel like you did when you decided you wanted to be married. Best wishes to you both.

Answer 3

You are both awfully young. 20 is a really immature time for a guy. However, I think there is hope. The first year of my marriage was the worst!! After we got married I couldn't hardly stand him, nor could he stand me. After we had been married a year, we took a long trip--several states of driving, just the two of us. We talked about everything, from silly things to serious things. All that one on one time completely turned our marriage around. I think we both started to understand each others positions better. We have been married for 10 years now, and we are very happy. Sometimes, when there are relationship difficulties we want to pull away, but I think we need to do the opposite. Try to go on a retreat, a camping trip, anything where it is just the two of you. Try to remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. And realize that almost everybody who gets married spends the first year wondering if they've made the biggest mistake of their lives. I highly recommend a book by Dr. Laura Schlesinger called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands", or Dr. Phil's "Relationship Rescue". They both are good. Dr. Laura's book will give you things to do without your hubby's cooperation. Dr. Phil's book will require you both to work on it together. So, depending on how cooperative your husband is, it may help you decide which book to try. Seriously, don't give up yet. The first year of marriage is rough, but it can get better. Marriage is work--just keep trying-it really does get easier.
Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I have been married 3 1/2 years and I must say that our first year was SO tough. I didn't think that we were going to make it, we fought about pretty much everything, pretty much all the time. But now we are so happy together, so glad that we worked through everything.

I suggest that you give it time, but if he isn't mature enough or willing to work on the relationship, then you will not be able to change him. You need to let him know what your issues with the relationship are and make sure you listen to all of his issues. And going to couples therapy will help you both, whether you end up staying together or not.

Answer 5

I married when I was 18, my sweetheart was 20...dated all through high school. We're divorced now...
In highschool, you're still growing, still changing...and after you graduate, you still change for the next 4-7 years. Sometimes (rarely) people grow together...most times they 'grow' separate ways...after a year and 4 months, we called it quits and have found better people since. I was more mature than my ex husband- he was still acting 14yrs old. I did everything in the relationship and it stressed me out. I went to college, worked full time, cooked, cleaned, shopping, etc...i was da woman! =) He was lazy and immature.

Being married so young, yeah, you will fight. If you think its worth it, stick with it. One of my friends married out of highschool and she and her husband are still together (they still fight too)
Remember: the 1st year of marriage is the hardest. It really is an 'adjustment.'

Im sorry you're having problems, and I have been there & done that. My problems escalated and he ended up cheating on me...thats why we quit.
Like I said, if you love him, attempt to work through it, but remember you DO deserve to be happy.

Answer 6

You both need to mature. Seriously consider what you want out of a marriage, if you truly love him and then either work at it or move on. At 8 months I was so happy it was sickening, I am concerned you are having trouble so soon, it may not be a good match. The way you have written it sounds like you are already thinking of moving on. Get counseling see if it can be fixed.

Answer 7

It's normal.
My husband and I got married both at the age of 18.
There was a point in our relationship, where all we did was argue, fight and stuff. We are both 22 now and expecting our first child. Things get a lot better. I'm sure glad I hanged in there. There would have been a lot I would have missed if i didn't. Good Luck!

Answer 8

well.. I’m 19 and my soon-to-be hubby is 19. We fight here and there, but not all the time. This may sound really cheesy, but we have been going through some pre-martial counseling and its helped so much!! Did you two do this?.. if not try some martial counseling, after we marry we are still going to see our counselor for about a year. We really enjoy it. Its brought us together ever more.

Answer 9

Taylor, your question brings back many memories for me. I married at 20 and my husband was 22. We fought constantly. I thought that I had made a huge mistake. We sat down and finally talked about things we were fighting about and found they were really stupid. Thirty two years later we have 4 grown children and 2 grandchildren. I know it seems impossible right now, but if you can make it work, its beautiful. Wishing you the best of luck. Stick with it girl.

Answer 10

Are you fighting fair? No name calling, bringing up things that happened a week ago or more. You have to talk to each other whenever you are calm. If that means you have to take a drive or a walk, you have to take the time to calm down. If you don't think that you can do that, I would suggest going to counseling.

One last suggestion, if you are fighting about little things (not picking up wet towels, dirty clothes, etc.) just let them go. You have to pick your battles with husbands, same as kids.

If you love each other, and are both committed to make this work, you can get through anything.