I mean do stepmoms have more say in the matter in the eyes of the law
2006-06-20 05:56:26 · 20 answers · asked by arkansas-gal 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
He wants me to be his full mom and the real mom just got out of prison is why I ask cause she keeps saying we are not married so nothing matters
2006-06-20 06:23:08 · update #1
I'm not sure about the law, but I think this is something between you and your boyfriend. The way I see it, as a fiancee - and especially as a stepmom - you have the right to discipline them and have some input. However, most of these things are best left to the mom and dad.
I'm in the same situation, so I understand that it is often hard to understand exactly what your role is when it comes to the kids. I always leave the big things to my fiance and the mother of his son. If his son does something wrong, it's okay to say something to him. If it's something major, I make sure to tell my fiance and leave it up to him to deal with it. He and I have frequent conversations about his son and I tell him my opinion on certain issues, tell him what I think should be done and leave it at that.
Even though you're not the mom, you do play a role in the kid's lives. When they are with you and your fiance, it should be a team effort - but always know the boundaries.
2006-06-20 06:22:24 · answer #1 · answered by erinanne 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line -- the boy is his. He is the father. You are an add-on. If it comes to a question of law, you have no rights.
Having said that, I'm really concerned that you are looking at this before you are even married! Do you have serious concerns with the way the child is being raised? Is this going to be a power issue between you and your boyfriend? Because if it is, you are going to make three lives miserable --yours, his, and the boy's.
If there is something wrong with the way the child is being raised, contact the Children's Aid society, and get someone in there who has the authority to do something about it. Don't set up a battlefield.
The other thing to consider is that if you and your boyfriend marry and have a child, you want to have a very solid relationship between the three of you before introducing another life into the mix. So get this settled before you marry, and get it settled in such a way that the little boy comes out a winner. He's already had enough trauma in his life.
2006-06-20 06:02:47 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From my experience as a stepmom in the eyes of the law you would not necessarily have more say in matters if you married your boyfriend. It is to depend on the state the child resides in and the custody arrangement between the boy's parents. The biggest factors in having more say is the arrangement between you and your boyfriend and the boy's mother.
2006-06-20 06:02:54 · answer #3 · answered by JLS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the eyes of law, no.
It depends on how much "control" your boyfriend is willing to give you. Plus, if the boy's mom still around, she has a say in the matter as well.
2006-06-20 06:04:23 · answer #4 · answered by smalltowngirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must treat this situation with kid gloves you cannot come into a relationship and take over the parenting. the discipline should be left up to the father and or mother if she is involved - unless it was something horrendous that she was sent to jail for she should remain a part of her child's life , i am NOT saying you should not be a part of the discipline but it should be handed down from the biological parent if at all possible. you must earn the resepect from your new " son " as does he from you. take one day at a time and everything will pull together for you and your new family. as far as the law goes he will be considered your responsibility just as he is his biological fathers.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU
2006-06-27 05:45:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
MY step daughter used to throw "If you wip me i will have you arrested for abuse" .I had a sherriff tell me right in front of her that if i thought her or her brother needed a spanking to call him and he would come to the house and made sure i did it with in the law.So in the eyes of the law were i am at yes.And even though the children was actually my girl friends she gave me 50-50 when it came to correcting the children and OH by the way, my step daughter never threw that up to me again.
2006-06-20 06:08:59 · answer #6 · answered by apache672004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All depends on the age. If he is between 1 - 15 then you have some say, however, over this age and you may have a power struggle. If you are the step mother, paying the bills and assisting in his welfare, then he doesn't have much say. He can have an opinion, but you and your husband have the final say. Period!
2006-06-20 06:06:38 · answer #7 · answered by osubuckeye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES you do have a say!!! I think if you were in this child’s life for a long period of time most definitely. If the father or his mother has a problem then there should definitely be some re- evaluating in everyone’s life. If that child is going to be involved in your life then he needs to know that you will not be disrespected or played as nobodies fool.
2006-06-20 06:10:15 · answer #8 · answered by AC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, it all depends on the age of the son...it depends on how much freedom your boyfriend is going to give you in raising his son and disciplining him...In the eyes of the law, you are the step-mom...Now if you adopt him, you will have more rights in the eyes of the law...but you will still have to deal with your boyfriend and what he can tolerate.
2006-06-20 06:01:49 · answer #9 · answered by morenaza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you'll be considered his guardian, and responsible for his care. You have to make sure that you talk this over completely with your boyfriend. You don't want to find out things after you get married. Things you need to discuss are stuff like punishments. All this needs to be clear before you say I do. Good luck with this.
2006-06-20 06:58:27 · answer #10 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋