How do you tell your husband that he is not the father of a child that he thought he was?

Answer 1

Uh...that's really crppy! I don't know how people could live with themselves by letting others believe stuff like this. Talk about scr@wing up in every direction. I'm sure the kid's real father is a gem too.

Answer 2

you don't... unless it is really gonna be obvious that he isn't i'd let him find out on his own for the simple fact that even though he is not the biological father he's been the father since that child was born so he is the daddy. it's gonna break his heart and mind when you tell him that's he's been fathering another man's seed. you are gonna take away the only father child has known. then he's gonna curse you and that will be the end of your family. do you really want that. i mean really i know that your conscious is probably killing you but you have to look at the bigger picture. if anything maybe he already had a feeling that that isn't his child people always have a hunch about those kinds of things. so if i were you i'd keep my mouth shut cause there is no good way of telling him that.

Answer 3

Just the thought overwhelms me! In my own situation, even though I consider myself a sane and rational man... If I was ever approached with this information, I would go absolutely ballistic on her. And then I'd probably lose my own sanity! My child is my life, and for that reality, the time I've invested in her, all the terrific moments me and my child have shared, and for it to NOT be the real deal? I'd fall apart... I'd be completely devastated.

How could you possibly know it's not really his, unless you've done a paternity test? How old is the child? Does the child know who his real father is?

I have sooooo many more questions.

Unless you're 100% certain that this child does NOT belong to your husband, I would steer clear of even bringing the topic up. But if you know, without a shred of doubt, then just be prepared for a nightmare ahead. There is no good way to tell him. The best you can possibly do is admit to cheating.

Trust me - It will be a rough ride ahead.

Answer 4

That's something only you can answer yourself. How long have you known that he wasn't the father? Why did you think he was the father, and then didn't tell him when you found out he wasn't?

There isn't anyone who can make this easier for you!! I do think he has the right to know, and you never know what could happen! Maybe he will say he has been his child and always will be. It all depends on how long this has gone on, if you cheated on him (or got knocked up while apart)! There are alot of different factors you have to think about!

Answer 5

I would sit down with him and tell him you have something very important to tell him. Ask him if he remembers the vows that you two took when getting married. Say well I hope you do stay with me through this bad thing that happened. I have bad news for you that the child I told you that was yours well the child really isn't yours. Then ask him if he will adopt the child and still be there for you. If he wants the test done then tell him you are willing to do it. I think he should know the truth before it is to late.

Answer 6

A little sparce on details but I can understand that.

Unless you have a compelling reason to tell him I'd just keep this to yourself. Some things need to be said, some things just cause pain. This is the second.

Saying you DO have a compelling reason (real father going for custody or somthing). You need to decide how you want things to work out for you personally, like if you want him to stay even after this relevation, and keep that goal in mind during the coming confession. Hes 99% likely to be very upset and say things that are going to be very hurtful. Deal with what he says but stay your decided corse, don't let the heat of the moment carry you away too or afterwards your going to be very unhappy. Remember you have time to prep and be accustomed to whats happening. For him its going to be a very (unpleasant) surprise.


Have a friend or 2 standing by in the "wings" so if it does spirl out of control on you they can step in and give you both some "cooldown" time. When I say in the wings I mean close but out of sight. It will just make things worse if they are around to witness what for him is going to be a very shameful moment.

This is proably going to take a while to work out (if at all) so just be aware of that and plan accordingly.

Answer 7

Personally, I wouldn't. Ignorance is bliss in this case, and as long as you learn from your stupidity, something good has come out of it. If he loves the child like it is his own and there won't be any reason why he may think otherwise, who cares? Why disturb the marriage (though you've already done that) and the child's life when keeping your mouth shut is what you should do. You should have kept your legs shut too, but it's too late for that.

Answer 8

Why did you tell him he was in the first place. Another question you should be asking is, how do I tell my child that the person they think is their father isn't really? Get some morals and stop sleeping around. You only have yourself to blame for this mess.

Answer 9

Im married to someone who recently learned he is not the father of his daughter (from a past relationship). It's not easy - the time is never right, but don't let it weigh on your conscious....it's not good for any of the parties involved. Be prepared for him to leave; maybe not forever if you are honest, upfront, apologetic and sincere. Tell him when the kids aren't around and there are no other obligations. It has to be told.

Answer 10

That's a really hard question. Just be honest and tell him. If he truly loves you and the child (which he probably does) you two will work things out. But he deserves the right to know the truth. Wouldn't you want to know if the tables were reversed? Good luck. I know you'll do the right thing!