What to do about nightmare coworker?

Question

What do I do with my annoying coworker? He is so obnoxious. He talks to himself constantly, grunts and groans out loud, does almost no work while he is here, whistles or scat sings (doot de doo doo doo), slams things around and makes all kinds of disturbing noise in an otherwise quiet and peaceful office. I've tried to drown him out with music from my computer, and I've tried headphones. All I do is give myself a headache with loud music and he has complained to me that he doesn't like the noise I made with the music from the computer.

The noise he makes has nothing to do with his job. He runs a slumlord business on the side and he spends his days yelling at contractors on the phone to fix up his slum properties and taking calls from prospective renters. Then he gets on the phone with his wife and she is some kind of emotional wreck. Then he eats, chomping his food and smacking his tounge and lips very loudly.

He is an absolute ogre with his coworkers. Why is he not fired

Answer 1

Talk to your boss about him making all the personal calls and noise. See about being moved away from this guy.

Answer 2

buy a recorder and record him for a day, especially his slum lording. make copies of these tapes. anonymously leave them taped to his windshield with a letter that says you know he runs a slum and would like to report him except you could look the other way for half his pay or he should quit his job. in order for this to work you need a fall guy in case stuff goes wrong. make sure someone elses finger prints are on the tapes and you destroy the recorder. also buy the recorder in a different neighborhood and pay cash. dont keep a receipt. also tell him you know that he is cheating on his unstable wife and would like to tell her even though hes not. photoshop up some pics with him and a coworker cause if his wife is a nut she'll probably buy the doctored photos or at least give him hell. just be creative and im sure the situation will "work itself out"

Answer 3

If you want to change a sticky (or smelly or just plain aggravating) situation, your best bet is to address it privately and at a mutually convenient time with the coworker, said Lou Kennedy, author of "Essential Business Etiquette," and Giovinella Gonthier, author of "Rude Awakenings: Overcoming the Civility Crisis in the Workplace."

Rather than attack, figure out a polite and gracious way to present the problem, Kennedy and Gonthier said. (I confess, I have sometimes done the opposite when it comes to hyper-noisy colleagues, usually out of frustration. While it wasn't ineffective, I certainly could have been nicer.)

Say you sit next to someone who wages family feuds by phone. Kennedy suggests saying something like, "It's a little delicate for me to bring this up, but I don't know if you're aware that I can hear some of your phone conversations and it can make me a little uncomfortable."

Answer 4

Go Postal