He is currently in alcohol treatment center in California and when he comes home in 3 weeks I hope things will be different. We have a six week old son together.
2006-06-20 05:02:44 · 57 answers · asked by Amy Soprano 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have a six week old son together and he is currently in an alcohol treatment center in California. No I am not dumb. Just love him very much and want him to get help.
2006-06-20 05:06:54 · update #1
LEAVE HIM
2006-06-20 05:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by Adorable Mrs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a huge desire in you to hope to god he changes, and you are by no means the only woman who is thinking that. So no I don't think you are dumb at all. What someone thinks when they are sitting out of the situation is very different from what you think when you are the one who could lose so much leaving a relationship that you so desperatly want to work.
The first thing I would have suggested would be to take a break from each other and get the alcohol out of the equation (which has happened so well done, the first few stepa are done.
Now, seeing as you have a few weeks left to think, take this opportunity. Why do you want to stay? Do not assume things will change first off, just ask yourself what you like about the relationship just now. And also be brutally honest with yourself and ask yourself what you don't like. Remember that you will only be doing this to yourslef and not anyone else so if you are dishonest then it's only yourself that will be hurt.
And if you feel like you need more time or you want to leave after this then either get help from a friend or one of the many womens organisatios who can help you.
If it was up to me, I'd say I'd leave as I've never yet seen a man chage when he has been abusive. But the flipside is I've very rarely seen women leave. Be strong and do what is right for you
And as for your son, I am sure he will be more than happy with two happy parents who are apart than two miserable parents who are together.
2006-06-20 05:22:38 · answer #2 · answered by scaryclairy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe anyone can change. At least he did decide to go to a treatment center that does show a willingness to change. But what I am concern about is the physical abuse. You should never stay in an abusive relationship if not for yourself but for your 6 week old son. First of all you need to talk to someone perhaps an domestic violence counselor to see what your options are. It might be best for you not to be at the home until you can work out this problem. Remember it's good that he is trying with the alcohol but remember also that it will not leave overnight and he will always be an alcoholic. My advice to you during these three weeks is to get some counselor yourself. Take Care!
2006-06-20 05:13:49 · answer #3 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry dearheart, but the outlook is not good. I am unaware of any abusive husbands who at some point ceased being abusive.
Many wives seem to hold out for that hope because things are always on the verge of changing, yet they never do. And, with a 6 week old son there is much more to consider. Do you think your husband would be physically abusive to you, but not your son. That time will likely come. Leave now, or risk being carried out in a body bag at some point in the future.
2006-06-20 05:23:22 · answer #4 · answered by tsmitha1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in an abusive relationship as well and it is never a joy. The bottom line is if he hits you, he has crossed a line. Alcohol can change the way a person is. I would say if you can emotionally handle him coming back into your life, I would allow him the opportunity to show you that the drug is what changed him, and that the treatment is what will save your relationship.
I have seen, met and heard people that have been seriously injured and even killed because of abusive partners. There's nobody that can tell you what to do, because every situation is unique. Just be as strong as you can for your baby and yourself and know that if it comes down to it there are centers and even shelters that will take you in.
Nobody deserves to get abused.
2006-06-20 05:07:03 · answer #5 · answered by kaliraized 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to get out of an abusive relationship. People fail to understand that the abusive spouse has shot down your self esteem and u feel like no one else will ever love you. You need to stop that thinking. you are worthy of love. You need to have some form of exit plan in place for when he comes back. You can seek all the advice u want but ultimately the decision is yours. Just be prepared in case it doesnt work out when he comes back. You also should seek counseling so that way when u r in your next relationship you dont end up in the same situation. Its a cycle that u will need to break. Good luck and remember u r worthy of someones love and that love shouldnt come at a price.
2006-06-20 07:43:48 · answer #6 · answered by barbie_prk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!!!!!!
Move ASAP or do not allow him to come home. Get a restraining order. IF he gets his life straight and IF he truly changes, and admits he is an abuser, then you can date him until you see whether it's for real. Likely, once an abuser, always an abuser. Did his father abuse his mother? Likely. You deserve better, and so does your son. Do you want your son to grow up seeing his dad abuse you and think that is the way to treat a woman? That's what will happen if you stay. Take this opportunity to GO and be free of this abuser. Get help, but whatever you do, don't let this cycle continue.
2006-06-20 05:09:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally would not let him continue being abusive. I have been there and so was my sister.You say he is in rehab, I hope it works out for you. There are some people who come out of that ordeal a changed person, but there are others who have to continue going back. You do not deserve to be treated badly in anyway, and the alcohol is not a good enough excuse for him to be treating you badly. You also have your daughter to think about now, what kind of life will she be subject to if the treatment does not help? I wish you the best, but no one can tell you what the future holds, just remember if he has not changed, you have to decide whats best for you and her. Please remember you are special , we all are and no one especially you , who just had his child should have to go through that much hell. You are going through enough, Good Luck and best wishes.
2006-06-20 05:17:35 · answer #8 · answered by sweetcheek06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left my abusive husband . It was not easy, but I am a lot happier now. Not to mention my 2 kids are happier and we are safe. Let me ask you this. If you stay and he decides for what ever reason he is bored with you and abuses your baby.....how will you feel? As a mother you are obligated to put your child before yourself. You may love this man, but speaking from experience......I think you are more scared then anything. If he abuses your child you stand the chance of having him/her taken from you by the athoritys (CPS) for failure to protect. You knew he is abusive and you stayed. It happened to me. I would hate to see someone else go through it. Your a new mom, when that baby came out you felt there was nothing in the world you wouldn't do for your child......even die. Some times that theory is tested. I wish you the best. K
2006-06-20 05:24:44 · answer #9 · answered by Special K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave. Get out while you can, because you do not want your son growing up with an abusive father. Leave him a note explaining why you left just not where you went to. If you have family and you are on good terms with them, then go there. You do not deserve to be abused and have done nothing wrong...keep that in mind.
2006-06-20 05:18:15 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is still in a treatment center right now. You really don't know if your husband comes home... changed for the better.
So my advice is... LEAVE! When he comes back, let him come to you and have a talk with him, but with you fatherm brother/s or friends nearby.
You don't want your husband to "accidentally" hit you again, don't you?
2006-06-20 05:08:04 · answer #11 · answered by Ross 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋