The first woman I was married to is the mother of the three kids.I have a son and two daughters.When she died i found myself looking at men in a different way.Then I remarried to a transsexual.I found that realationship unfulfilling.Then I met Guy.He made me feel like I have never before.I love him,but my kids think he is just a close friend.
2006-06-20 04:09:18 · 19 answers · asked by Ty 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
My daughter are eight and twelve.My son is three.
2006-06-20 09:02:39 · update #1
Hey I'm gay too, I was married too, My partner has kids he just sat them down and explained it all to them, not one of them have an issue with it. They all range from 13 to 22, 3 boys and 1 girl. How old are your kids? Good Luck!
2006-06-20 04:15:55 · answer #1 · answered by Lorenzo 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First, you're an awesome guy and father for wanting to be honest. Thanks for the background,but it has no bearing on the present. Married,not married, transsexual,etc. That's all about you,when the focus now should be on the kids. Explain to them that their mother was not a factor in your lifestyle or choices. Be prepared for whatever answer they give you. It may not be the "Life Time Movie" ending that you want. Give them space and time to digest this information. What ever level they understand this, answer their questions, and be aware that this will change your family dynamic on many levels. You're their father and they will always love and respect you, even if they don't understand what's going on. Look at it as a point of starting over and being honest. They need to get to know you on a different level and vice versa. I also think that you should bring this to their attention,before someone else does, then you may have to fight your way out of a box. So G'luck and stay stong
2006-06-20 05:22:38 · answer #2 · answered by mieldor76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Note to Sethro -- that's cause you are straight.
Now, to the author of the question -- my guess is that you always looked at men that way if you are honest. If you look back to your teens I would bet you had crushes on other boys and were told or gathered that it was bad -- so you stopped, at least openly -- and got married.
So firstly, take a deep breathe and admit to yourself that you really love your children, but you were always gay and are now just coming out. You dont' have to say that to anyone else, but YOU should understand it.
That said. One of my friend's fathers never told him. His lover moved in, they slept together -- and within a few years, Matt figured it out.
That is one way to do it, and it worked for them.
You can also set down and tell the kids that "Daddy prefers to be with another man right now." Don't define or label it -- just tell them the reality, you have a partner, that partner is someone you love, that partner happens to be male.
Before you do that however, check the laws in your state. Make certain that you can't, for example, lose your kids to the maternal grandparents because you are gay. There are states where you might (all in the deep South as far as I know, if that helps any).
Good luck,
I'm here if you need someone to talk to.
Kind thoughts,
Reyn
http://www.rebuff.org
2006-06-20 05:49:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you're in a very complex situation. First issue at hand is to secure your children's mental, emotional, and physical needs. That should be your number one priority. Afterwards you can indulge in your personal needs. I would continue to announce this other guy as your good friend until things between you and Guy are concert. There is no need to introduce people into your kids life who are not significant.
Although the transsexual was biologically born a man; that was properly your first step in addressing your own sexual desires. It's ok to be gay and with children; just as long as the kids needs are met, and not neglected. Tell the kids when the need arrives, such as if you two decide later to move in together, or if you two start sleeping at your home.
2006-06-20 04:25:30 · answer #4 · answered by Swordfish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of this depends on how old your children are. They will think of your partner as an uncle or something like that when they are young. I hope everything works out for you. I am a married straight woman, and I feel that all children need is to feel loved and if your partner makes them feel loved that should be good for them. Good luck in your new relationship.
2006-06-20 04:15:59 · answer #5 · answered by buckeye45694 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your kids are below 15 try not to tell them, it'll be very hard for them to understand something like that. But if they are older than 15, go ahead and tell them the truth, they will have to face it as well as you faced the situation. It is not going to be easy for anybody, but in the future they will appreciate that, because it's always better to handle your life with the truth, specially with the ones you love. Good luck!
2006-06-20 04:48:52 · answer #6 · answered by Genio Atrapado 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell them the truth. The younger they are when you tell them, the more likely it is that they will be LGBT friendly. Then, they won't go and be one of those homophobic students in schools. Also, they will learn that nothing is wrong with being gay. They will become more understanding and this is a very good thing.
2006-06-20 05:23:13 · answer #7 · answered by boricua82991 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them the truth - you can do it. It may be toughest on the 12-year-old. I've seen younger kids handle it just find. This is usually more of an adult problem. Kids just want to know that you're still going to love them and be their dad.
2006-06-20 19:50:34 · answer #8 · answered by marshnewby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be honest with your children. All of us when we were kids, wanted our parents, actually we still look for unconditional love. We need that unconditional love especially when we mess up in life, or make stupid mistakes, we want our parents to be there for us, and especially when we are gay, we look for and our parents' acceptance. You have to let your kids know that, this was not something you chose. It just happened that way, and if your scared of what your kids might think, then you have to reassure them, that just like you want their acceptance and love and understanding, that you will give them same thing double fold. If they are young, just explain in the simplest form that you fell in love with another human being, just like they will one day.
2006-06-20 08:59:05 · answer #9 · answered by graciefaith1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dad & mom divorced when i was 20 after my dad realized he was gay. as long as your kids are old enough (not toddlers), the best way is to just be up front and open about it. it will be incredibly hard for you. but it won't be for your kids...you're their father and even if they freak out a little at first, in the end they're still gonna love you. trust me...don't waste time on this...my dad passed away in January of this year. had he not told me, i would always wonder.
2006-06-20 05:55:42 · answer #10 · answered by Jeremy G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋