How can I bring the intimacy back into my marriage? We have a 16 month old daughter who takes a lot of our time. It's hard because he works for himself and when he's had a bad day he comes home and takes it out on me (not physically). Then he wants me to be all lovey, and I can't. He doesn't understand why I just can't let it go. I want my marraige to work, but it's very tough at times and it feels like it's going downhill fast. please help!!
2006-06-20 03:27:57 · 15 answers · asked by destini'smom 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wish I could pick more than one of you to get the 10 points. I am sorry, but I can't decide. You all had such great advice. I appreciate you taking the time to give it to me.
2006-06-21 04:02:03 · update #1
TALK TO HIM! Men seem to think they can come home after a bad day, be grippy towards us, then expect us to want to just be intimate with them. Women don't like that, at least I didn't. Nicely tell him how you feel. Tell him sorry he's tired, but you have had a baby to take care of all day too and you are tired and him coming home should be a relief to both of you. For him since he is not working anymore, and for you because you will have a little help. Tell him that you love being with him but not after being grumped on, it is just a total turn off, and that makes you not want to when maybe you could have been thinking about it all day................
2006-06-20 03:33:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Take you daughter to a sitter for the night and have fun. Spice it up. Put your daughter to bed before he gets home and be ready for him. Take a nap during the time he is at work and rest up. Take a bubble bath with him and just relax and have fun and give each other a body massage. Just spend a romantic time together and have fun with it and make love:) Put him and your marriage as a priority right now . Do not let the intimate times with him suffer. Your daugther must have a bed time and that is when you should enjoy each other and there are baby sitters too you know. Take her to Grandmas and spend a night together and have fun. Take him on a date and spend time with him doing what he likes to do! Make him feel special and loved.
2006-06-20 12:04:36 · answer #2 · answered by Fast Steve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I can relate to this question big time!! I would like to suggest having someone babysit (maybe your mom or someone that you know well) watch the baby for a few hours and when he walks in the door all exhausted and stressed, meet him in your birthday suit or sexy negligee. Have candles and rose petals. Make sure you dim the lights. Have massage oils and soft music playing. Tell him he is not allowed to talk about work or the baby or anything else besides the two of you. Get him to relax and kiss his neck, and his chest and all over. He might even be anxious to look forward to that to happen again and hurry home every day ha ha ;) Hope you find what works for you guys. If it doesn't work, try counseling, if he doesn't want to go - you go yourself. He has to want the marriage to work also so you might want to find out his feelings.
2006-06-20 10:39:53 · answer #3 · answered by renegadescwgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish i knew...my GF of 7 years just asked for a break, and what it did was BREAK my heart. She says the intimacy is gone but she loves being with me and the conversations have not changed in all this time. We are in a long distance relationship and she finally moved within 2 hours of where i live...my advice is think of the good times, when he courted you. Think of the first time you kissed him, and you will feel "LOVEY" Oh, and dont have sex with him until he gets back to foreplay and makes you HOTTTTTT!!!!!!
2006-06-20 10:36:39 · answer #4 · answered by dave g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few things happening here.
First you married and have now been blessed with a sweet child.
The relationship (that was a duo) is now a trio. Your daughter needs you and thats a new demand in both your situations.
Maybe your husbands work is causing stress for him too? How is his work going? Has he got other issues?
A few ideas :
* when you can simply talk with him
* get some child-free time, just for the two of you
* an outlet for him between work and home, like going to the gym or going for a run?
* family counselling - your relationship is under stress, this is a crisis for you both
* men will often share their burdens with other men, is there someone he can talk to?
* prayer - it changes things
Hope this helps..
Peter
2006-06-20 11:14:48 · answer #5 · answered by Peter H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men sometimes have a hard time sharing their feelings in the right way .. when he comes home and is grumpy because women can tell just by how the door shut on his car if hes had a good day or bad day offer to talk it over.. if he responds in a hurtful way than you need to express how it feels to be shut out.
You need to work on communication skills with him help him find ways to release his stress wo hurting you in the process.
2006-06-20 10:35:51 · answer #6 · answered by trudie_barraza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth needs to be spoken to your husband. You cannot be expected to respond in a loving fashion while being treated in a disrespectfull way. Probably you man is quite unaware of what he is doing and needs to be told that his actions are hurting your marriage. If he is receptive to hearing about his problem and is interested in building a good marriage then he may be wiling to work on stopping this hurtfull behavior and apologizing if he fails. Once he does this, you need to let it go as best you can.
Good luck.
2006-06-20 10:39:41 · answer #7 · answered by davidvario 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he gets home, ask him how his day was. Let him unload. It helps him decompress, and this way, you ASKED, so it's not comming out of left field. I assume your sex life is lacking, but intimacy isn't only sex. Ask him how his day was, and while he complains and unloads, stand behind him and rub his shoulders. Touch him whenever you can. Hold his hand. Kiss him when you walk by. Little things like these are very intimate and they're usually the things that go away after you've been together a while. Try to remember though, when he's had a rotten day, he's mad at the day, not at you.
2006-06-20 10:36:35 · answer #8 · answered by El 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it would be great if once a week you could get a relative or baby sitter to watch your little one and then you and your hubby can have a night out. i feel its impertative that you do this to get some alone time together, which is hard to do with a little one around. maybe even organize a week end away together. it can be done and should be done, this will help you both enormously. good luck.
2006-06-20 10:35:56 · answer #9 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should not. You are allowed to be upset and should be. He is not taking your needs into account.
I would recommend that you do sit down and talk to him. Sex, as you are having now, is for him and you are not getting your needs.
See if he will take up a hobby to get out those angers.
2006-06-20 14:31:31 · answer #10 · answered by javarick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHEN YOU SEE THAT HE HASN'T HAD A BAD DAY AT WORK, FIND TIME AND TALK TO HIM. AM SURE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING THAT WILL HELP REKINDLE YOUR INTIMACY. GOOD LUCK.
2006-06-20 10:38:50 · answer #11 · answered by sweetme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋