I think it was a mistake to get married.?

Question

I met my husband almost seven years ago, and we were married one year ago. I'm a very "down to earth" person, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now it seems like I'm never happy, and every little thing that he does really rakes my nerves. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I find myself going through the conversation we would have if I were to ask for a divorce. My husband can be very immature and I really don't want to hurt him, but I don't see our marriage working. How do I ask for a divorce and make him know that I DO love him and care for him, but I really want to be on my own to live my own life. He's 37 and I'm 26, and I think I'm getting the point in my life where I want my OWN house and I want to live my life alone for a while. I just don't think marriage is for me. Is anyone going through this? Has anyone ever had a problem like this? What can I tell my husband?

We have no children, and he knows that I'm not happy, but I think he chooses to ignore that and take things for granted. When I discuss my feelings with him, things change for about a week or so, and then it's right back to normal. It's been that way ever since I've known him.

Answer 1

If it makes you feel any better, your husband probably regrets getting married to you too.

You aren't the first to go through this and there is a longline to infinity after you are through with this.

There is a communication issue between the two of you that you've allowed to fester and that neither of you knows how to approach or address. Your husband's solution to this problem is to act "childish" to try and get your attention, whille your solution is to get irritated and want to run away.

Unfortunately, It has been building up for sometime now, so that it's like you don't care anymore about finding the root of this mess and you want out.

If you are sure you want out, then just tell him. Walk up to him and give it to him straight. If you are going to be a coward about the whole affair it's cool, but you owe him at the very least, some bit of courage to end it right.

Answer 2

Marriage is hard but I think you made a commitment to work thru the hard.

You have a choice when you wake in the morning, you can be happy or miserable. Choose happy and work on your marriage. Every day you are either adding to or taking away from your marriage. You should choose to add to your marriage because if you are not happy, I'm sure, he is not happy.

Once you learn how to do these things, you will be happy. You just have to teach yourself how to live with this man. I don't think it is wrong to feel this way, in fact, a lot of people feel this way but it is how you handle your feelings that matter.

Going thru the conversation in your head is just to ease you. All men are immature or should I say just very different from woman. But isn't that one of the reasons why you married him? Probably b/c he was fun and immature, made you laugh. I'm sure he just didn't change into this person overnight during your marriage. If you are very down to earth like you say, then you should be able to go with the flow of your marriage. Don't let things get on your nerves so easily.

Keep a positive attitude. START SEEING YOUR MARRIAGE WORKING! If you don't want to hurt him, talk to him about how to make these married living arrangements work. If you love and care for him, you will remember your commitment and stay with him.

Living on your own has its own struggles.

These don't seem like good reasons to get a divorce to me.

Answer 3

You are 26, which means that you've been with your husband since you were 19; married for one year, NOW it's a mistake. He's 11 years older than you and "immature"? I'd say you both married for the wrong reasons. Now that you realize you're mature enough to be a real woman and stand on your own two feet you want out. Most woman feel that way when they marry very young. First I'd say, please don't get pregnant. And get some counseling for yourself, then together. It may be you'd be doing him a huge favor by divorcing him now.

Answer 4

It seems like you have already made up your mind to me. However . . . did you consider this could just be a case of the 7 year itch? I think you just need a little time alone. Instead of asking for a divorce you could ask for a trial separation. That would be less of a blow and then, after that, if you can't work out your differences with communication, it might be easier to go ahead with the divorce after a trial separation. I really think if you could just sit down and be open and honest and communicate you could probably work things out, but I suspect you are not really interested in working things out. Maybe you should read, "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. It might help you with your decision. Regardless, talk to him, don't just hit him with this out of the blue, he can't fix it if he doesn't know it is broken! Good Luck!

Answer 5

well sweetie i totally feel where u r comin' from! i have that very same problem.its like they don't take the time to think about your feelings at all. i think that u should just let your husband know that u r tired of going through the motions,u know the sudden changes that u may get after cryin out too him and then no sooner than he feels u r ok everything is back to normal! keep your head up folk,and look at this as a mild steppin stone for u in your life. and also know that everything happens for a reason. BUT IF U CAN JUST SIT DOWN AND HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION WITH HIM AND TRY TO COME UP WITH A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM, BUT IF NOT THEN U SHOULD AGREE TO DISAGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

I think you need to talk to him about how you are feeling before you tell him you want a divorce. If he isn't aware of a problem then how can he fix it? Seven years is a long time to spend with someone and then just decide to give it up without a fight. Try seeing a marriage counselor or something. Best of luck.

Answer 7

It could be just the seven year itch. I do believe I was told that the first seven years of marriage could be the most difficult. It may be a natural feeling for most couples. I would ask for help before divorce is even mentioned. Divorce should be your last step. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Lot's of people have gone through this. I've gone through it a couple of times in previous marriages, and neither of them ended well. If you question your very desire to remain in your marriage, that's a bad sign! My first suggestion is to try very hard to get to the root of the feelings of frustration with your husband. If you resent your husband because you feel like he's keeping you from living a more enjoyable life, maybe your realizations of what life will be like without him are unrealistic. Second suggestion: Talk to him and make sure you are very clear with him how you feel and what your expectations were for your relationship. It's okay to tell him that your relationship isn't living up to your expectations, provided your expectations aren't too highly unrealistic. Try to communicate and work it out. Voice of experience here!

Answer 9

before you marriad him, how were things? if you lived together before marriage, you should of known.......just remember one thing...........the first 5 years are the toughest. in marriage.....the age difference i think is not a matter, cause people marry at very different ages.. most the time. i think it's prettty normal you feel this way...kind of like traped. this is normal believe it or not.just remember the honeymoon is the first year. then after that comes ,getting to know each other really on a difference basic level. their a lotof books out about marraige, and first year, through all the years....it is normal to feel this way, at your age. and yes the loss of your total freedom.....honey this is marrage.
please do some reading...consult your pastor, if you have one...
hang in there.....

Answer 10

wow! I think you both need to sit down and have a long talk and see if maybe there is a way to resolve this so the divorce doesn't need to happen. But sometimes divorce is better, because 2 people truly don't belong together. Good Luck!