Recovering from a past...dealing with rejection?

Question

My husband recently lost his job. He was unhappy there. He decided to pursue his dream of building computers. I encouraged him focus on that instead of getting a crappy job as a temp thing so he would be able to dedicate himself to finding this job. Here's the kicker. He has a criminal record and its coming back to haunt him. He was rejected for several different positions. In fact he got a job with IBM and the day before he was supposed to start they called and said they didn't need him due to his record. Now HE has to deal with his record is starting to get depressed. Last night he told me he was giving up & no one was going to hire him. He wanted to help support me and get a crap job. I told him that if he wanted to get a part time job to help out might not be a bad idea. But not to give up looking for a job he wanted to do. He said no. Now I want to be a supportive wife. I'm willing to wait it out so he can be happy. How do I encourage him to not give up?

Before anyone goes all accusing and that's his problem for being a fu(k up with a record. I don't want to hear it. Yes he has screwed up in the past and he has to deal with the consequences. And they are not fun. That's not the question. The question is how do I support him when those consequences bite him in the @ss? What do I offer him as he struggles to overcome his past mistakes?

Answer 1

As part of the Information Technology filed, I come face to face everyday with the need for security. I have seen young foolish guys in my field stick their noses where it doesn't belong and lose their jobs, virtually ending their careers since they could no longer be trusted with access to critical information.
None of this comes into play, though, when you are interested in building a computer. If you are starting with a blank hard drive, there is no security issue. The issue lies with the software and the data.
I congratulate you husband on trying to get a job he enjoys, life is way too short to work forever at a job you hate. You ARE a supportive wife. Tell your husband to not let anyone steal his dream. Walt Disney was turned down over 60 times at the banks before he could get the money to make Steamboat Willie, his first animated cartoon.
If your husband took a course on building comptuers, the school should have a placement assisstant and they should be able to help locate something within the field. If he didn't get training, then maybe he should. It may only be a piece of paper and he may already know what they are teaching, but it does make a difference. There should also be some sort of financial assistance avialable for the training. Most schools also offer training on resume writing and on getting and completing an interview.
After he gets that foot in the door, it opens a little wider. After 2-3 years, more should open itself up to him because he has proved himself to the company (and to himself) (You already know it).
Good Luck and don't let anyone steal your dreams.

Answer 2

The best way I can be of help is to tell you my experience with something similiar to this. When I twelve years old, my father began to deal cocaine. That in itself is a long and sordid story...so that's better left for another time. Basically, he did this for about a year or so, and then was busted in a very big way. He served time in prison and ended up with a felony record. After prison, it was difficult for him to find work and he too was very frustrated. However, eventually, he found a great job. Your husband can't give up. Let him know that others have made it through things like this. I agree with your idea of him getting a part-time job of some sort while he looks for the job he really desires. Not only would it bring in some extra money, but it would also keep his mind occupied. Just keep doing what you are doing. Let him know that you love and support him. Be sure he knows that you harbor no ill feelings over the situation and that you will be there by his side no matter what. Above all though, help him to see that this is only temporary...this too shall pass.

Answer 3

Hmmm-
To begin the computer industry is not the easiest job to get any more.
This is because American companies are outsourcing all their work to India, Phillipines etc.These companies can employ poeple in India for Pennies on the dollar-

IBM has laid off over 5,000 American employees and has plans to move alot of their work to India-

I know this because my husband is an IBM mainframe programmer. We wanted to relocate to Florida and finding a job was a nightmere and thats without a crimmal record behind him. He is one of the top programmers around and it took him 6 months to get a job. YIKES
We were living on Macoroni and Cheese for a while

Computer job employers can be very picky who they get because their are thousands of unemployed IT programmers. The IT business went to crap here in the US.

Buiding computers is not worth the money.
You can go to WalMart and buy a loaded EMachine that works wonderful for under $400 with the monitor.
If you were to build it on your own and install the OS, well you could not do that for under $400. I know we have been there and done that.
15 years ago you could have broken in the business and done very well, but in todays market it is not vesable.

However there is hope-
There is a growing business for computer repair, specially with laptops.If your husband is good he can easily start a repair business and integrate networking services, web design, voip and many many many other services including on call emergancy repair.Plus there are many repair businesses that will hire people as assistants.This is a great way to learn the business, even if you rwork there for only a few months.

This is where the bucks are because people are sick and tired of buying a Dell Computer and when they have to call for help they get fowarded to India to a person who cannot understand anything you say and then you are on hold for over an hour.
When my Toshiba broke I took it to a repair shop and they said to me it would take two weeks before they could even look at it because that is how backed up this business was.They had over 60 laptops ahead of me for repair. At $30-$40 bucks an hour, thats not bad money.

My brother is going to do this type of business. He is going to ITT Tech for two years. When he gets out he has a job waiting starting at $25,000 a year. Not bad for a two year degree and a 21 year old kid.He was never the school type but I convinced him to go and he is loving it.

Don't let the crimminal record get to you. Its in the past and yes it may sometimes bite you with these big Companies.So you should look for smaller companies.IBM is the grand Daddy in the computer biz and they are tough.Don't forget they are also moving slowly out of America anyway. The rejections and bites acan make you or break you.You must always keep a positive attitude. If you let these rejections and the crimminal past get to you, it will break you down and you will start to want to be a crimminal again. Just don't give up- I know this first hand.

Just keep trying . Will power is the greatest asset a person can have. Kernal Sanders of KFC got turned down hundreds of times for his Fried Chicken recipe. People told him, no one is gonna eat that food. Now he is one of those Chains that made American history. Of coarse the food at KFC is now giving us all heart attacks, but the point here is never give up

If you believe in Jesus, which we do, helped us out alot. We prayed alot and after many job rejections we finally landed a one in a million job for a programmer.Faith is very important in seeking dreams- Anyway I am not here to preach the gosspel but only offering some advice because I understand your fustration-

Good Luck and many Blessings

Answer 4

why doesn't he start his own computer business for part time work? like helping people that have no idea how to use a computer learn onsite, fixing simple things (or more complex if he is able) and building custom ones for people on the side.

he should try that for at least a month (and actiely pursue it..people won't just know he's doing it..you could help spread the word) before giving up. and if he does take a part time job, he could still do it part time until he establishes a solid client base.

Answer 5

Have you just lost your job, or been dumped by your longtime partner? Before you slide into the depths of depression, try one of these ways of surviving rejection. It's always a lot easier to bounce back if you haven't

hit rock bottom in the first place!
For many people, the instinctive response to rejection is to withdraw into their burrows, and hide away from the world. But beware: the longer you hide, the harder it will be to face the daylight again. You can avoid this insidious trap by deliberately getting yourself out into the world.


If you're really feeling low, and the thought of seeing anyone is tortuous, at the very least take yourself out to see a movie. Make sure you choose one that is guaranteed to make you laugh, one that will thrill you with its special

effects, or breakneck action scenes.


Just think of the many scientific studies conducted on the therapeutic value of laughter. A well-made action flick, in the meantime, has an energetic vibe that's contagious. Buy yourself a huge box of popcorn, and settle down, ready to have your mood lifted and energized while someone else entertains you.


Buy yourself a gift.


Don't wait for Christmas to get yourself that gorgeous set of wineglasses, some new perfume, or that angora sweater you've been eyeing off for weeks. This is definitely the moment to give yourself a boost with some retail therapy.


If there's nothing in particular that you've been wistfully yearning after for ages, get out to your favourite store now and get ready to buy the first thing you fall in love with.


If you're too busy working on the next job opportunity (or scoping out potential relationship material) to indulge in some emergency retail therapy, pick up the phone and send yourself a huge bunch of your favourite flowers.


When they arrive, put them in the most prominent position you can find - a place where they'll remind you all day that you're a valuable person and things are about to get better. You can't stay depressed for long with two

dozen red roses making you smile every time you walk past them.


Seek out someone you love.


This is no time to be shy about recruiting some moral support. If you know it would make you feel better to pour your heart out to your someone in your family, give

them a call. If you have a friend who never fails to make you laugh with her uproarious stories of adventure, set her up for a night on the town at an excellent restaurant or intimate bar, and get ready for some more laughter therapy.


Maybe the combination of full-time work and managing a relationship was making it impossible to see some of your favourite people. While you may not feel like a party, this is a prime opportunity to dig out that old address book and see who’s waiting for you in there. You could make someone’s day by getting back in touch. That’s guaranteed to make you feel good!


Remember: there's always an alternative to moping on your own. Rejection hurts, but use some of these remedies and you may find that your spirit is more resilient than you ever thought possible.






Get out of the house - and fast.

Answer 6

If he really liked you he will be hurt but he will not show it. He will still talk to you and stuff but not as much as he used to. He'll feel rejected and all but he'll still be your friend and care about how you feel. But remember just because you rejected him that does not mean he stopped liking you unless he's a player of some sort then he'll ignore you completely and just move on to another girl.

Answer 7

i wish i could help...sometimes our past has a way of reminding us and making us work harder for what it is we really want in life...don't give up when he finally finds the break he's been wanting he will appricate it more than the collage jock that has the job and therefore will be a whole lot more sucessful!!! remember Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

-Carl Gustav Jung