i want out but i dont ever want him to treat the kids like he treats me how can i divorce,and never have him see my kids again i am to the point where inever want to see him again but i need to know the legal steps to make this happen
2006-06-20 02:41:03 · 22 answers · asked by doodle 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would contact your local domestic abuse organization/women's shelter to help you make a plan to leave. The safety of yourself and your kids is absolutely important. They can help you gather materials you will need before you leave (like records, identification, etc.)
They will also have advice on getting legal help as well. They can connect you to where you can protect yourself and your kids. They can help you prepare a restraining order and help you with the legal hoops.
Mental abuse is a bad influence on your children, it teaches them that it is okay to treat people like that and they can repeat that pattern when they become adults.
2006-06-20 03:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by Denise C 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You are in a situation that a woman should never be in. Mental abuse may not actually be physical abuse, but it is hurt full just the same. I do not believe that you can keep your kids from seeing their father if he is not an abusive (physical or sexual) person towards them. If you have a lot of years invested in the relationship and truly want to salvage the years of marriage, please ask him to seek help, with your help. If you tell him he needs help and he needs to do it or else, he will feel threaten and rebel, which leads to a messy divorce. Help him and he may feel that you care for him and for his family, go through the help he needs willing. If not, seek a good attorney. The court system favors the mother in custody situations, but the court system is changing all the time. There is not guarantee in life anymore. I found out the hard way, as my ex thought the grass was greener on the other side. Divorce should be your last option, but you do have limits that you can take no longer. I wish you the best. Good Luck!
2006-06-20 03:02:14 · answer #2 · answered by icemountian8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check your state laws closely. Arm yourself with information before you do anything and you absolutely have to pull the cash together for the best lawyer you can afford. My sister had an abusive husband who threw her daughter into a wall. That was the final straw for her. She knew that her state law protected whoever had the children in custody when divorce was filed, so she snuck them out in the middle of the night, and hid out in a hotel until the divorce was filed. Had she not hid from him until the paperwork gave her temporary custody, he could have forcefully taken the children to get them in his posession, and filed for divorce and would have been the one to get temporary custody until the case went to court. Be careful. In the end, he screwed her over in court. She ended up with nothing, because he had a much better lawyer. Any time she would argue for anything, he would threaten to fight for custody. She didn't have a job and was really scared she could lose her children. So she gave him everything, thinking he would trade it for custody. He didn't. He got every weekend visitation, and a court order that she could not move the children more than a certain mile radius from him. So now she's stuck in the same town as him, in a state away from her family and friends. And the SOB doesn't even honor the visitation he fought for. He sees the kid maybe once every three months. She's gotten smarter. She's keeping track of every missed visitation, every scratch on those children, so she can go back and try again. If she'd just had the money to pay for a real lawyer, she would be in much better shape right now. And, she should have done more prep work, like documenting incidents in detail, recordings, etc. You have to be stealth. Go watch the movie Enough with Jennifer Lopez to put you in the mood to kick some butt.
2006-06-20 03:03:18 · answer #3 · answered by ungirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find someone who can offer free legal advice. Good luck. If he doesn't treat the kids bad, then you shouldn't stop him seeing them. This will only infuriate him more. I understand that you are concerned for them, but you didn't say that he was physically abusive towards you, but remember, they are his kids too. (I am assuming that they are his children). I don't agree with women who stop the fathers seeing their own children. Sorry, but I have never been mentally abused, so I can only imagine what you must be going through. Hope you get help soon.
2006-06-20 02:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by jammer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, everyone who said get an attorney is the best advice. They will tell you what steps you need to take. If you have family around please involve them so that you can stay with them or they can help you move when the papers are served. Unfortunately the court will probably still allow him to see the children providing they are his, for visitation unless he's abusive to them, then he will be allowed supervised visits. That is his right as a father unfortunately.
2006-06-20 03:16:11 · answer #5 · answered by renegadescwgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call a divorce lawyer, and talk to the police in your area if you need protection. They will all be able to help you get out of this nightmare, but go now before he DOES hurt you and the kids.
2006-06-20 02:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing you can do is go to a GOOD attorney. divorces are never good but if there is a worry he will abuse the kids in any way the court can make him have supervised visitations...where he and the kids visits are done in a neutral place with a neutral person watching over the visit. good luck
2006-06-20 02:50:00 · answer #7 · answered by jjne1469 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can prove to a judge he is an unfit father, he could have his parental rights taken away. You can also ask for supervised visitation. You have to be able to prove these things to the judge, so write EVERYTHING down with dates and details. Be VERY specific. Or if you can find a way to record him...
I hope this helps. I was in the same situation, but my ex was a drunk and a junkie so it was a lot easier for me. Good luck to you!!
2006-06-20 02:48:15 · answer #8 · answered by momx4 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
contact a lawyer and a child psychologist and they will do the rest for you. make sure that you have proof of abuse, whether from a recording or witness, something. no one deserves to be treated like that, and the only reason anybody treats someone like that is because they hate themselves.
2006-06-20 02:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by sberman689 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey
I can relate to you cause that is what I am going through. He has been verbally abusive with me. I am still trying to deal with him.
I am getting a lawyer cause this has going on for a year now and he keeps calling and now we have joint custody.
Just be strong and show him that you are not scared
2006-06-20 02:49:19 · answer #10 · answered by nina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋