why are judges so quick to grant custody to the mothers.....?

Question

i work 12 hour shifts and attend school full time, but I make sure I spend quality time with my boys, we go fishing, camping, movies, museums etc., but this judge and my attorney wanted me to choose between giving up my job, school, or losing my boys.....they pushed the court date up to a day i was working and rendered judgment, i now only have visitation, which is not what I want, I want my sons to be with me...I am trying to get another job that is better hours, but what is a good man to do??? i want my boys back....i'm their father and I love them

Answer 1

in today's court system, too many judges are quick to render judgement without looking at all the facts, my question to you is why did your attorney allow them to hear the case without you being present? If your court date was scheduled for a day you were off work, then they should have honored that court date and not held the case without your being there. I would suggest to you that you first file an appeal to have your case heard again, and I would look into finding another attorney. Obviously, he was not looking out for your best interest. And when it comes to someone handing you a choice of work or school, that is wrong, I am a single parent, and am involved with a corrections officer, who also works 12 hour or more shifts, and I understand how much you want to be there, but to ask you to give up your schooling is odd. The only way to get a better job that can give you the hours you need is to get that degree. For your boys sake, find another attorney and keep fighting....women like me love men like you who are all about their kids. Good luck and God Bless....

Answer 2

Unfortunately the current cultural and legal prejudice is towards mothers. This was not always the case - up until the 60's the predjudice was towards men getting custody in divorce. I favor hearing the evidence and making a fair decision. The pedulum is swinging back towards fair though and many states now have automatic joint custody unless there are extenduating circumstances which are heard in court. There are alternatives to throwing away a bunch of money at lawyers too. I would start by researching some of the father's right organizations in your area. There is a group called Father's for Equal rights in many states and they are particularly big in Texas. Next I would become completely schooled in your local family laws - including state and local. Many community colleges offer courses in this at reasonable cost. Then you will be better equipted to work within the system and not have to pay so much to lawyers. There has been a substantial amount of psycological research done to support the position that boys do much better when remaining in the custody of their fathers - you have to do your homework. Lastly I'd like to make a point that the very best possible solution (other than remaining married and rasing your children together) is to negotiate your own arrangement with your ex-wife rather than letting a judge decide. Studies support that these types of agreements are much more likely to be abided by with fewer problems down the road than judgements rendered by a stranger (a judge). If may be difficult but it is well worth the effort. May I suggest a book called "The Custody Revolution" by Richard Warshak. It is still available in bookstores and online and is a great resource.

Answer 3

Is he paying child support? If he is, and as long as he can't be found (proven) to currently have problems with drugs or alcohol, etc..then they will absolutely give him joint custody if he wants it. If you say he is absenttee most of the time and your daughter gets angry and hurt...THEY will say, well now he'll have joint custody and will have to see her more - so isn't that a good thing? Won't your daughter benefit from that then? Guaranteed they'll say that. Keep in mind that joint custody doesn't necessarily mean he has her half the time and you the other half. It means you have her during the week and him on the weekends or some such arrangement like that - can be just that or half and half - all will be worked out in the courts with your attorneys and a moderator. But he'll be allowed decision making on your daughter's part with you, etc. I understand where you are coming from hon - but I can almost bet they'll give him joint custody if he wants it (as long as he's paying child support each month..and on time)

Answer 4

It's not very fair. I also don't get why if a woman takes her kids and moves away from the father, that's fine, but if a man does the same, it's kidnapping, weird. Is there any way you could compromise with the mother? Sometimes that's the only thing you can do, and it sucks. Maybe you could look online for lawyers that specialize in the father's custody rights. Good luck!

Answer 5

While I don't doubt your love for your children, unless the mother is totally unable to care for her children or doesn't want them, then they always belong with her. It's not that the father is not important, but if the choice is between the two, then mama should have them.

Try to see if you can compromise with your ex-wife about her allowing the kids to have a few nights with you now and then. The good thing is that nothing can really stop you from seeing your kids if you want to. You should be able to meet a compromise else the kids will grow up hating you both.

Answer 6

For answer #1 Huh! So what if a mother carries the children for 12 months. The relationship and the responsibility is 50/50 and if the question here suggested that the male wasn't partaking in his responsibilities, which it seems as if he is, then what is the court thinking in this case? Dude keep fighting if you think you have a legitimate beef.

Answer 7

I respect you for wanting to take care of your children. Major props to you! But, consider this, with you working so much, and being in school, could you really be available to "take care of your boys" the way they need to be taken care of. Taking them camping and fishing, and all that leisurely stuff is cool, but what about school? doctors appointments? making sure they eat three times daily? Think about what is best for the children. You may not have time to be a full time parent. I think that judges try to figure out which parent is the one that is responsible for transportation for the children, and the one that takes care of doctor's appontments, and things like that. But I do agree that sometimes judges are unfair to men when it comes to custody.

Answer 8

The faux science which says that children are better off with their mothers. Get another lawyer and start fighting. They had no right to move the court date without adequate notice to you. Do some check and find the best divorce attorney you can. a guy or gal who takes no prisoners and is willing to eat your ex wife's flesh. It won't be cheap.

A bud of mine was getting screwed over by his ex and the judge for years. He hired the towns best and most expensive divorce lawyer. He had to sell his boat to pay for it. But it was worth it to get justice for he and his son.

Answer 9

that stinks you have a good job!!! and they tell you to choose how stupid the law you cannot win!!!! get another job them you can prove to them that you are a good dad and do want to spend sometime with your boys .......go for it and good luck.....im a women and i dont agree that all women should get the full custody of the kids....if i were to split up i would be adult like and talk about these things with my hubby and come to some agreement with out dragging the kids through the courts as at the end of the day its not us whats getting hurt its the kids and if couples cannot be civilised about these things then ohhh its just all wrong....good luck

Answer 10

I am a woman and I do not understand it either....In my field of work, I see alot of wonderful dad's....

My advise is to be patient....finish school and get your job situation settled. Just think of it as a temporary solution. Once you have everything settled in your home, then take her back to court. The judge will see the accomplishments you have made for the sake of you and your family (boys).

Just remind the children that you love them and that daddy is working hard to make things better for them.

You sound like a wonderful dad..best wishes to you...hope it all works out for you....