domestic violence and custody?

Question

my ex (who has been to prison twice) is trying to get 50% custody of my daughter. he never paid attention to her while we were together, but has now taken an interest in her. he has never even supported her! during the relationship, i tried to get out. he was manipulative, and had even made threats to beat me if i cheated on him. (he also made threats to kill some friends of mine) i have made it known, to the court, that he had been emotionally abusive to me. I had no idea that emotional abuse was considered domestic violence. It turns out that one of his old girlfriends wrote a declaration stating that he had hit her while she was pregnant and that she did not want him around her and her unborn child. there are also other violent crimes, in his record, against women. i want to know if the judge, at our next hearing, is likely to give this man supervised visits with my daughter. i don't think they should be unsupervised

Wow! all of you have been very helpful and I would still love to hear from others. He has actually already taken me to court and his ex (the one he hit) is now on his side, they are back together. She states (in a declration) that he is a good father who supports his son (with her). what do you think the court will say? it was only 3 years ago that she was trying to get a restraining order, against him, for her and her unborn child, because he hit her.

Answer 1

well, if you are Man it is unlikely you will get joint custody even if you are a saint.

If you are a female you have a great chance at getting full custody Even if you have been in jail. As a matter of fact some prisons allow over night visitation to mothers in prison, never to men.

Answer 2

It doesn't have to be likely - at least not in the sense of him having a better than 50% chance of getting custody. Even if the chance is small, it seems like an awful big risk to take with your own child. It will affect other decisions you make and the idea is that you won't want to stir up any kind of trouble that might motivate your ex to fight for custody.

I think most states (or at least a few) decide on child support payments after the couple settles all the other financial issues. Since the state sets the payments, there isn't much negotiating, which reduces the chance of one spouse intimidating the other into accepting a bad settlement.

Still, if you're afraid of a child custody battle, you won't very assertive about demanding child support payments if he doesn't pay. You start to see a total lack of interest as being a good thing and are afraid to do anything that might renew his interest in getting custody.

Tough situation. A small, but very real risk can be a pretty effective weapon in what virtually turns into emotional warfare.

Answer 3

Well, if he or she is a good judge, and there are good ones out there, he will refuse visitation until your ex has jumped thru some hurdles. Talk to your lawyer (and please, make sure you have one for this case!) and say that if the ex has truly turned over a new leaf, he needs to prove it by (1) paying child support consistantly (2) attend a parenting assessment and parenting classes (3) attend counseling for his anger (4) participating in supervised visitation. If your ex really has your child's best interest at heart, he will willingly do these things. If he is just being his usual self and trying to get to you thru your child, he won't bother, and you won't have to worry. A good judge would not and should not give visitation to a man with your ex's history and lack of previous contact with your child. Just make sure he or she knows the facts. Don't wave them, scream them, or cry. Be calm. Good Luck!

Answer 4

It is highly unlikely that he can get joint custody where he has been in prison twice. My ex tried that a couple of months ago and failed to get it due to his past violent nature ( i had to go to a abuse shelter) If he does take you to court, take that statement that his exgirlfriend made, better yet if she wanted to, take her with you to testify.

due to his violent nature, the judge will not give him joint custody but he may be entitled to supervised vistitation where a social worker would be there for the entire visit. He probably wont even get that.

i really wouldnt be too scared and go off the deep end (better said than done, i freaked out) because a judge will only do whats in the best interest for the child.

also, if he tries to prove you an unfit mother, the evidence that he would have to have is great, like pictures of you sleeeping with men in front of the kid and stuff like that. its really a no win situation for him.

Answer 5

I agree do not allow unsupervised visits with this person. IF the court allows it appeal and request a guardian ad litem for your child. This person is solely on the side of your child and not on yours or his. Then contact a local domestic violence or pregnancy shelter and they will help you. If not, contact me at [e-mail], tell me what state your in, and I will do my best to get the full story and help to you. Also, if your daughter is of an age that will be recognized by the court, she may be able to tell the courts she dosen't want to see him.

Answer 6

I'm not going to touch that with a 60-foot pole.