Is there hope for us after my wife was sent to jail for a few hours?

Question

I caught my wife having an online and cellphone affair with her ex boyfriend. This has been happening for more than a year. She got mad at me for going through her saved text messages and catching her last e-mail using a computer program.

I found out she never ended the affair after her parents and I told her that we knew about it. I had to call the cops as she hit me across the face a few times in front of my son after I confronted her about the issue. She was taken to jail for a few hours and I bailed her out.

She can't get over the fact that she was sent to jail. I can't get over the fact that she has lied to me for the last year or so.

We wanted to patch things up but she doesn't know if she could get over it and that the reason she has been treating me coldly is that I sent her to jail.

I'm trying to get my life back. I love my two wonderful kids and her (believe me or not). I told her she's the only one who knows if we could make it work.

We've been "married" for 9 years now.

Answer 1

She's using the jail thing as a way to deflect attention away from her infidelity and her assault upon you. Its a way to make you feel guilty, when she is the one who should be feeling that way, NO ONE has the right to strike his or her spouse. Your mistake lies in the fact you bailed her out.

She cheated on you. How could you POSSIBLY trust her after that? Without trust, there can be no love. I might have called the police and once she was in jail, I would have contacted a divorce lawyer and taken her to the cleaners, Her instability is not something you need to let your children see. They could grow up thinking, Well, if I screw around, all I have to do is assault hm or her then we can get past the whole affair issue.

If shes messing around with an ex-boyfriend, she doesnt love you.

Answer 2

You need to make some serious decision as far as your life is concerned.

I can't believe she's upset with you because she put her hands on you and went to jail. She should be thankful you didn't haul off and hit her back. You had a good reason to defend yourself but you chose not to. Instead you called the cops and she was arrested. I'm sure, she'll think twice before laying another hand on you. You are good. I would have left her azz in there a month or two...Or better yet. you should have let the other man come get her azz out of jail..You are good. In my book..TOO GOOD!

The point of the matter..She has violated the trust. Not only that but she has put your health at risk by sleeping with another guy. I understand you love your wife. But what you have to ask yourself is this how you want to live? Will you be able to trust her? I'm sure trusting her will not be easy it will take time..

Sounds like you should be making the decision on whether or not you want the relationship to work. She sounds very selfish and unbelievable stupid..

REMEMBER she cheated on you. Once a cheat always a cheat..Don't believe this was just a text message. This has been going on for a while. Get the shades from over your eyes and wake the hell up!

Answer 3

Some people refuse to acknowledge responsibility for anything that goes wrong - sounds like her. Anyway, I sent my husband to jail once overnight and I forgave him the reason I had to call the cops and he says he forgave me sending him. I think you need to respect yourself a little. She didn't end an affair when you confronted her and then got violent with you in front of a child. Sounds like you have a good case for primary physical custody of the kids if this is what you want. I am sorry, but I think the issue is more her lies than your removing her from a volatile, physical situation in a non-physically threatening way. Unless she acknowledges you had a legitimate reason for what you did and that it was not easy for you either then it will be difficult if not impossible. As you said she is the only one who knows if you can make it work. Then again, you also have a say in this if her answer is yes - how do you trust her even though you love her?

Answer 4

She doesn't want to stay married. Let her go. I pray you two don't have kids, but it's obvious she can't let go of her past and grow up and recognize she made an oath for life to love and respect you. You showed great restraint and also showed you are way more adult than she could ever be. She had an affair and is obviously in love with this other man - as painful as it is, she married you for the wrong reasons, whether she or her folks knew it or not.

As far as she having a fit and "can't believe" she went to jail, she wouldn't be thinking the same thing if you had struck her. She is cruel and spiteful and immature and doesn't know the meaning of what making a commitment and sticking to it means.

She's a loser. Sorry. Provide your wife with divorce papers ASAP -- you have a report of abuse and you can use that evidence to divorce her sorry butt.

Man or woman, either one lays a hand on me, they go to jail.

Answer 5

You did the right thing by sending her to jail. Bailing her out is a different story. You may still have feelings for her. But you have to face the facts. She had an online affair, which shows that she has at least thought of cheating on you. She hit you, which proves that she likes to use violence to make a point. And because of our social dynamics you can't effectively defend yourself without being investigated for it. Yeah sometimes the cops drop the assumption that the husband is a wifebeater. But let's face it. More than likely they'll think you started it. I would divorce her and use that police report as evidence of abuse along with the whole online affair. Maybe you'll get custody of your son and alimony. Sometimes you got to think with your head and not your heart.

Answer 6

You should have left her in jail. Actually maybe you should have been the one to smack her across the face. If you knew about an affair then why didn't you pack her bags and leave them on the door step for when she came home. You could have kept the kids and gave her visitation. She cant answer the question on she's the only one to know if it can work. You can only answer that. If your ready to beat on, cheated on and total disrespected then the answer is yes. If you love your kids so much then they shouldn't have to live in this kind of a relationship. Apparently she cares about only herself and she is only going to do what you allow her to do. You shouldn't have bailed her out of jail. She's still pissed and is treating you bad for disrespecting you then you should have left you there. The outcome wouldn't have been any different.

Answer 7

If it's been happening for over a year and she hasn't been disturbed by this fact, she doesn't deserve your love, much as I hate to say it. She should realize that she made the ******* fall, not you. It's her fault she got her a$$ sent to jail, because she hit you and so you put her out of harms way! I doubt she'll change, but you can try. Like you said, she's the only one here who has the power to really make the relationship heal, because you've been ready. Good luck, that's a very hard situation to be in

Answer 8

I think yours is one of the saddest posts I've ever read. Here is a hug. I'm sorry for what your going through. I think we both know she doesn't love you. Perhaps the excitement is more powerful than your reality. Marriage gets on slows. It takes stamina to keep going. I was married 24 years I know. It ended in divorce. I'm sorry for you because you guys may patch things up for a while but she has some serious issues. I don't think she wants to make it work. It sounds like she is just waiting for a good time.
You can go on like this. Your going to hurt no matter what you do. The poor kids. I'm glad mine were older when we got divorced although it still devastated them. She is the only one that knows. She obviously has no respect for you. I'm sorry. Good luck but my opinion is it won't work. Not sure if your in a position to accept this.

Answer 9

She is a spoiled little bitcah....Sounds like ..Didn't like what she has coming to her... Your not in the wrong she is if what all you wrote is true...If you keep bailing her out she will walk all over you... She had a choice when she CHEATED! she had a choice when she hit you. Some times you must pay for your F*ck ups.I think it's her time... Don't let her put you on a guilt trip She's the one.... she should be kissing you *** on her knees & begging for FORGIVENESS ! You said she's the only one who knows if it will work. Excuse me .. your in the relationship too! Aren't you ? You can never Trust her again...You have to have trust...# 1..This didn't just happen your talking about a year or more of LIES.... LIES. Wishing you & your son the very best... Focus on your son's needs ..He needs you now ..

Answer 10

Hold on one moment, it seems to me that she is diverting attention from her appalling behaviour and trying to make this out to be your fault. Excuse me but she cheated on you, even if it was just words on an email or a text message she has not been faithful. And she slapped you? If you had slapped her you would have been in prison longer than a few hours, just because she is a woman does not excuse her disgusting behaviour. And now she is acting like you did wrong? No way, this is totally twisted, she should be begging you to forgive her for cheating on you and for slapping you. She should be the one who is trying their best to make it up to you. So you called the police, good for you, it was the right thing to do, no one should slap anyone and physical abuse from a woman is no less serious than if a man hits a woman. Tell her to grow up and get over it, she is the bad person here, not you. This sounds harsh but stop being a door mat, this is not your fault, you do not need to apologise, she is the one who needs to apologise and beg and grovel you to take her back. Stop letting her walk all over you.