How can I be a good mother-in-law?

Question

After your son gets married and if god forbid you're still a part of his life the son is labeled a "mommas boy" and people accuse you of not cutting the umbilical cord. If you're not involved and emotionally distant your accused of being a bad mother and grandmother. I guess its true what they say the best mother-in-law is a dead one!

I mean seriously people how the hell do you get this right? I feel like the best thing to do is to move 1000 miles and just call once a year.

Answer 1

This is from personal experience of having a bad mother in law of what not to do and do:

- don't keep pictures of ex girlfriends up
- invite her over for dinner (respect dietary restrictions)
- phone and say happy birthday
- don't give your opinions on choices the couple has made (raising kids, religion, where to live) unless it is asked for.
- treat her as you would your own child
- find something you have in common with her
- don't invite yourself to dinner or hint towards it
- on special occasions acknowledge them with a phone call or card
- don't bad mouth her family

Things that I haven't experienced myself but know that I may have problems with in the future:
- don't think that grandma knows better then the parents
- respect how the couple is raising the child even if you think it should be done differently. Again don't give opinions unless asked for
- let the parents discipline thier children
- do call no more then once a month (this is what I saw as the right amount to call a couple based on a quiz....however I think it depends on the relationship you have with them)
- let the couple develop their own traditions for their family and don't expect that once they are married they will see you at Christmas, Easter or holidays that you once celebrated as a family. Traditions can change.
- if it's during a wedding phone her parents and congradulate them when you hear the news. Don't sit back and do nothing ask if the bride needs help or errands to be run don't expect her family will do everything. Offer to be helpful without opinions don't wait to be asked.
-remember above all if you don't have anything kind to say don't say anything at all. If the couple isn't looking or asking for your opinions don't give it.

Answer 2

You just need to know not to stick your two cents into their marriage. Keep your distance, but yet stay involved. Get to know your daughter in law and really treat her like part of the family. Form a friendship with her the way you would do with your own daughter. Go out to lunch, shopping, etc - and don't get in her business all the time, but do let her know you are available to talk if she wants to open up.
Being a good mother in law is all about knowing where the line is and not crossing it. Just let them know you love them and support them - and treat them equally, as in, don't always take your son's side!

Answer 3

Keep your self at a distance and wait for your daughter in law to approach you. Don't try to involve yourself in their marriage or their children or drop unannounced in their home or else you will be hurt and you will be labelled "Nosy mother in law".
In the begining arrange formal gatherings with them once a month until you both feel comfortable with each other.

Answer 4

I adore my mother in law. We do not live anywhere near each other. She visits often, but it's always planned. She only gives advice when I ask, and she respects my parenting style. She respects that my husband's first priority is our family. She does not get involved in arguements even if one of us tries to drag her into it. The best thing about my mother in law is that she lets me know when she thinks I am doing a great job with my family. It's priceless to me!

Good luck!

Answer 5

i think a good mother in law needs to kno tt her son now has his own life and tt it doesn't revolve ard u anymore.

most imptly, both daughters and mothers in law shud respect each other. do not do things behind each others' back.

b transparent in the triangular r'ship and b liberal, not bias.

altho, i quite like how moving 1000 miles away and calling once a year sounds.

Answer 6

The best way to be a good mother-in-law is to NOT BE ONE!! What i mean is that you should be a MOTHER.. to your son's wife. That would mean giving both of them space, but always letting them know you're there for them.

Answer 7

Same way you did not like your mother to medeling in your affairs, do that same for you son. He has only one mother, so your seat in his heart will never be taken. that is where some mothers go wrong.

I love my mother-in-law. She wouldn't even interupt our argument. if it wasn't for her, i would have had to be paying $800 on child daycare alone.

Answer 8

just still be his mother and now you have a daughter. just dont stick yr nose in let them come to u with any problems. leave them to it. letting them know yr there for them if needed. Oh yeh and aways have a warm smile for yr new daughter. :)