i was raised southern baptist, he was raised roman catholic. even though i do not go to church religously, i am a firm believer in christianity. we want to get married, he says that in order for us to get married i have to convert and be a member of a catholic church, with good standings. my question is, i do not want to convert, i know religion is all the same, but still i know in my heart there is a way for us to compromise this... any ideas?
2006-06-19 20:16:25 · 17 answers · asked by Kyndra Rae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a very good question. All I can tell you is... Joining the catholic church would not be horrible... you will still be a christian, still be worshiping your god, They observe all the same, Lent, passover, palm Sunday. TALK WITH MINISTER. Talk with his Father... voice your concerns...my thoughts are with you. And look seriously at your relationship, if he is pushing hard for this, he'll push harder everytime he wants things his way....
2006-06-19 20:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by 4mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a somewhat odd situation.
When you say things like “I don’t go to church religiously” (which I assume means that you go on Christmas and maybe Easter, and perhaps a few additional Sundays throughout the year) and “I know that religion is all the same” I tend to think that your faith is not particularly important to you – otherwise you would practice it, and know how it differs from other faiths. This leads me to the feeling that you are not really bothered by this issue, other than that you feel like this is one of those things you are supposed to be bothered by.
If your concern is about remaining “Christian” (whatever that means to you) and it seems that perhaps that is a part of your concern, I have good news for you: Roman Catholics are Christians. IN FACT – Roman Catholics are the FIRST Christians – one might even say that they are more Christian than Baptists.
So my advice to you is this: Convert and be a happy wife.
If you cannot do that, and you insist upon some sort of a compromise, then compromise – but remember that a compromise does not mean that he does what you want, and you feel like a martyr for going through it and putting up with him. Compromise means that neither of you get what you want, but that both of you get something you can live with. It is not the ideal solution.
In this case, compromise would mean that you BOTH convert to something in-between Baptist and Roman Catholic. Something like Episcopalian, or Lutheran.
Or put your foot down and don’t get married after all – it is all up to you.
2006-06-20 03:44:43 · answer #2 · answered by ***** 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really isn't a way to compromise - it is important for two people in a marriage to have a common religion, especially when kids come along. Christianity and Catholicism are pretty similar in their beliefs - The Holy Trinity, Jesus dying on the cross, etc. Just Christians don't believe in saints, or all the crucifixes, Mary statues, etc. Try to talk to your bf about getting married by a Christian pastor and see what he says.
You might be able to find a Priest that will marry you - maybe you could compromise by getting married by a priest, but not in the Catholic church. You just really need to talk to him about it and let him know where you stand. Try to contact some churches and see what can be done. You should also really think about your kids - will they be raised Christian or Catholic? You also need to think about your future.
2006-06-20 03:37:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No there is not really. Do not marry him and convert to being Catholic. If he cant accept and love you for you and he is already trying to change you take this as a sign and break it off now. Marrying him would be a huge mistake as you would be unequally yolked. If anything he should become a Christian. Do not marry him and walk away. Religion and beliefs are not all the same my dear then can be very different in so many ways. Talk to your pastor and see what they say or advise about this.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
2006-06-20 07:51:54 · answer #4 · answered by Fast Steve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's saying you have to convert and you don't want to, then it doesn't sound like you'll be able to compromise. You shouldn't convert to a religion just because someone else wants you too. You have to do it because you want to. Religion is very powerful and it can determine wether or not the two of you marry. It isn't fair for him to have let the relationship come this far to give you this ultimatum now. You shouldn't have even started dating if YOUR religion is that important to him.
2006-06-20 03:26:03 · answer #5 · answered by RYSN1979 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can plan on problems if you can't agree on a religion before you get married. For one thing you have to agree on how you are going to raise the children, if you have any and you might whether you think so now or not. I suggest you talk to his priest and your pastor and see if you can come to an agreement. If not you better start shopping for a Southern Baptist to marry.
2006-06-20 03:24:31 · answer #6 · answered by Lleh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never do what you don't want to do. Even though sometimes people of the same ethics tends to get along very well, it is our differences that make us who we are. I am not that deep in my faith yet, but one thing I grew up to learn is that there is no right or wrong way to worship God. Both of you should be glad that you are both Christians. If he loves you that much, then he must be willing to let you be who you are, for you came with that package and he knew it before wanting to marry you. He must also be willing to convert to southern baptist if push comes to shove. If he is not willing to do so, then that sounds like he is insulting your religion. Don't give up your faith to man, for it belongs to God.
Bottom line: It's a package deal. Ask him to take it or leave it.
2006-06-20 04:22:13 · answer #7 · answered by DaNewGuy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm methodist, my husband's catholic - we eloped in Reno and then had a beautiful ceremony in his catholic church. The only requirement for most church weddings is a pre-wedding counseling weekend. The one we went to had every religion and was conducted by Jesuit preists.
I didn't convert, and his priest didn't ask me to. There is no need to convert. However, down the road, you will have to make a choice when children come into the picture.
2006-06-20 03:22:44 · answer #8 · answered by Paula M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am a christian, and what your boyfriend says is true.
I always thought about something like what you're going through happening to me. My thinking is that you should sit and talk to your boyfriend about what you think and feel.
Try bringing him to church with you. Only you know if
your religion is right or not. I think what he's been taught is wrong because it's based on religion. Religion doesn't matter, because religious people killed Jesus. LOL! Mabe I don't know what I'm talkin about. I'm just 13. Just giving my opinion and opinion is an opinion and that's what you asked for, therefore my age doesn't make it a bad idea.
2006-06-20 04:06:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best I can come up with is go through all the motions to be a Catholic, but maintain your Baptist convictions, and hopefully find a way to be involved in a Baptist church as well. It would be more work, but it seems that's the only way to please your boyfriend and yourself. Otherwise, you lose that part of you....or you ditch the boyfriend if it's that important to you...
2006-06-20 03:20:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋