My bestfriend is living with me. I offered her my place when she got fired from her job. We agreed that once she've found a job, she will help me with the rent, food, bills, etc. I helped her to find a job and luckily, she got hired a month ago My husband and I talked to her about some house rules. We told her that she can let her boyfriend visit her until 8pm only. Now, she's violating our house rules. She even let her boyfriend sleep in her room which is a "major violation" plus, since she have a boyfriend and she even neglected her job! My husband and I had enough of reminding her that she need to work not only to help us but also to help her parents. I really think she's too distracted because of her boyfriend. What should i do? How can i ever talk to her without offending her? Please help!
2006-06-19 19:35:00 · 15 answers · asked by CaRoLiNe-GLeN 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I had the same thing happen to me one of my bestfriends apartment got burned down she was suppose to stay 2 weeks then 3 and then 2months and then she was just living with me until. She had a boyfriend too that I did allow to visit and sometimes spend the night but then they started taking advantage big time. He'd stay a week or 2 straight neither of them had jobs only me. So here I was taking care of not only me and MY DAUGHTER (7months old at the time) but these two grown *** fools. Needless to say when the time came to leave I was stuck with an 800 dollar light and electric bill and a water bill of 300 and no money but my own to cover. Not to mention she left with a 1400 check(eventually from working altho never paying) in the middle of the day while I was at work with no goodbye thanks for everything NOTHING I didnt even know she was gone until I got home and realized she'd packed up ........AND left my front door wide open!!!
Trust me its only going to get worse, I wish I'dve spoken up for myself sooner instead of trying to be the nice friend that she could depend on or for fear of hurting her feelings deciding each day to tell her tomorrow. I know you love your friend its obvious for you to do something like that for her. She needs to appreciate and respect your wishes and your rules ESPECIALLY being that you're married that takes things to a whole new level. You have got to just sit her down and let her know it isnt working out and she will need to make other arrangements in sufficient time, 2 weeks 3 or a month. Whatever works best for you.
You are married and have a life of your own. You have done and offered more than enough. You have to look out for yourself and your home first. I know its hard to sometimes to be the "bad person" but if you dont look out for yourself no one else will. And its evident in the current situation you're dealing with. So step up and let her know she has to go, although you love her to death its just not working out anymore.
She can only respect it, she doesn't have choices here.......If she never speaks to you again she wasnt your friend anyway because a real friend wouldn't be a burden and if they were they'd recognize that and do their best to try to help ease the situation rather than compromise you and your household just for their satisfaction.
You know what to do, it's just about taking the initiative to do it. You're not alone girl ............I got your back ;)
2006-06-29 05:06:22 · answer #1 · answered by CaliCutie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all if she is over 18, you can't have any curfews for her especially regarding her boyfriend...you are not her parents but merely roommates. However, she should respect you and your husband by not coming in all hours of the night and making noise or making too much noise while her boyfriend is over. And she should be paying her share (1/3 of the bills she is involved with...power, telephone, rent, etc). If her boyfriend seems to be more like a roommate, then she should either move out or compensate for him.
I don't recommend roommates especially if you are married, it is an accident waiting to happen. If you cannot treat her as an equal in the situation (whether it's because of her actions, track record or because you are in a marriage) you should just give her a couple weeks notice to move out. You compromised your friendship by allowing her to move in (I know you thought you were helping) but at this point you need to do what is best for your marriage and hopefully keep a friend but if not, you will just have to go on without your friendship. Don't compromise your marriage for sake of this friendship. Good luck.
2006-06-19 19:51:28 · answer #2 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is your friend? Why are you giving her rules about her boyfriend staying???? If she is not helping pay and not making her work a priority, then tell her to leave. If you don't get on to her about helping pay now she will take advantage of that and never want to pay!
2006-06-20 04:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by Workinmamma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its time for your friend to leave, it seems that she's just taking advantage of you and your husband. Maybe the boyfriend isn't the problem, maybe your rules are...and if she can't follow them then you should be able to say whatever you want to her...if it offends her then she should understand how her breaking all of your rules is disrespectful to you
2006-06-19 19:40:33 · answer #4 · answered by Seerah327 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its time to tell you friend to leave cause she is neglecting her job now that is probably how she lost the last job she cant take advantage of your kindness and you have your own house hold to worry about she isn't your child she's an adult and she needs to learn to be more responsible and if she cant then to go live with the bf
2006-06-30 01:44:46 · answer #5 · answered by Raquel C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you say eviction get out, good bye, kick rocks she needs to go. If she wants to be with him that bad she needs to live with him. She is not a friend if she disrepects you, your home, and rules. All grown people need their own and it seems is not going to change if she wants to live her life broke and homeless so be it. Toough love
2006-06-26 19:14:53 · answer #6 · answered by drkntasteeeee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk her in soft and kind maner and told her that she is offending the rules. Told her that you want to help her but it is only posible if she abide the rules.
2006-06-19 19:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by Sajis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, try to speak when she is in a good mood ,don't try to explain u'r point on him in a short time take u'r time.As u'r a responsible and good friend to him u can do it. All the Best!
2006-06-19 19:42:28 · answer #8 · answered by Ms.cutie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple.
You have set the rules, and it is YOUR house.
She either follows them, or she finds other accomodations. If she cannot respect you, then she- in turn- deserves no respect.
2006-06-19 19:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by Bradly S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put your foot down, she knows you are kind hearted and is taking advantage of it. Kick her butt to the curb.
2006-06-20 00:02:41 · answer #10 · answered by samkat1972 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋