Do you think that people can stop being gay?

Question

and go to church and get married, and live a normal straight life.
(hmmm. interesting question.)

Answer 1

No, I don't think they can. You are entitled to believe whatever you want to believe. Belief rarely makes things real however.
Homosexuality is no more a choice than heterosexuality. People can tell you it is, you can believe them -- this is America, there is NO requirement that you not believe whatever you want. That won't change the belief from being false however.

The people with choice are the bisexuals. They can select either. My lover of nearly 15 years is bisexual. He selected to be with me. I understand this. The choice for gays however is to believe in themselves and live good, full lives -- or hide, be miserable and be someone/something other than what they are.

How do we know this? Well, let's start with animal studies. For hundreds of years it was commonly presumed that there were no exclusively homosexual animals -- I still hear that argument quoted occasionally. Yet, we know it is false. Not only do we know anectodally (I for example grew up on a farm. At one point we had a gay bull -- absolutely no response to the pheremones of females in heat at all -- much more interested in other bulls), but we also know scientifically. Hundreds of species have been studied, those species that had pair bonding also had homosexual pair bonding. The seminal study on this subject is Dr. Bruce Bagemihl -- "Biological Exuberance" from St. Martin's Press. You can probably get a used copy inexpensively from Amazon if you are interested, or from Barnes and Noble online.

So, what was classically the most powerful argument against the natural origins of homosexuality -- emasculated. And you can tell that many anti-gay leaders know it, because the argument is now much deemphasized compared to its usage 25 years ago.

Once you go beyond the natural law argument therefore -- you face the discussion of humanity itself.

Is homosexuality a choice? Well, is heterosexuality? For bisexuals who elect to be straight or gay -- it is a choice, clearly; but the average straight boi never has the ability to choose to be gay -- and those who are honest would tell you the same. Likewise, the average homosexual simply doesn't have a choice to be straight.

Again, anecdotally, its easy enough. I am gay, I knew that I felt very special about boys and that they excited me somehow, gave me butterflies in my stomach when I liked them a lot -- when I was 8. I also knew I didn't feel the same way about girls. By 11 I realized it was sexual (the reasons I realized that should be evident without my spelling them out). I never, ever had even a single erotic or sexual thought about a girl -- nor did I have any romantic feelings toward them. I always had some friends of each gender, as most young country people do -- but I never had any butterflies for the girls -- so when did I choose? At 7? Without knowing it? Do you really, really believe that? I don't think you do. You can assert that I'm lying to you, that all the millions of gays who say they never remember being anything but gay are lying -- but again, it doesn't pass the smell test -- do you really believe it? I doubt it very much. You are too honest for that, aren't you? So that leaves you with -- we have all deceived ourselves. I doubt that you believe that either, not deep inside.

Beyond that, study after study, piling up on one another. The eyeblink study strongly indicates a genetic origin. The pheremonal studies (there are multiple ones), even a logitudnal study that looked at prebirth reactions. And, most compelling, the fruitfly study. A colleague's husband, who is a medical researcher at Albany Med, sent me word the day after that came out -- saying simply "you've won, the troops in the trenches on both sides may take a while to realize it, but you've won, its natural." The counter attacks on the fruit fly study are, frankly, a joke -- and they depend on their readers not understanding the study to start with. Fruit-flies are simple compared to humans, and the genetic structures are much simpler -- but the simple fact is that changing a single gene from generation to generation changed whole generations of fruit-flies from heterosexual to homosexual and then back the next generation. Among humans its much more complex -- probably involving 4 to 6 chromosomal bands, possibly more -- perhaps as many as a quarter of all genes in various combinations -- but ultimately it will still be found to be genetic I rather suspect, the jury is out, but the evidence is overwhelming. I predict exact mapping on the genome for all homosexually affecting bands within 25 years (no shock there, several university study groups have promised the same). There is some (though diminishing I suspect) possibility that the genes work in combination with chemical reactions in the womb. That is not yet completely clear -- that is why I say chemo-genetic.

So, evidence is that in fact homosexuality is NOT a choice, but a biological imperative, probably caused by genetics, but possibly by genetics mixed with chemical reactions. Homosexuality exists in nature, among species that do not reason -- and if you are of a literalistic religious bent -- cannot be said to have been touched by so called "original sin."

Which brings us to my conclusion. If it is not a choice to start with, you can't change. Gay people are gay people.

Now there are lots of groups out there that will tell you that you can get married and live a "normal life" (who defines normal?) -- but facts suggest otherwise. The ex-gay groups have been a disaster from the beginning, and can't even produce a few hundred of the people they have supposedly helped change -- only being able to come up with people actually on their payroll -- no incentive to lie there, no. Additionally medical science tells us that change is impossible.

So, can a gay person go back into the closet, pretend to be straight - get married to hide their attraction to men, and live a miserable closeted life, having sex with guys in hidden places or going without completely? Sure, I know some that do. Can they change and be straight and happy with that -- no. The choice is between misery and self-acceptence and happiness, frankly.

I'm very glad I have chosen self-acceptence and happiness. I made that choice when I was 14 and realized I would never change -- and I've had one of the happiest lives of anyone we know. Any of our straight friends will verify it.

I'm also glad to tell you that many faith communities affirm this, including whole churches like the UCC.
Contact me by email if you need to talk.

Kind wishes,

Reynolds Jones
Schenectady, NY
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 2

No. You cannot change how you were born. Gay people can pretend to act "straight" for a time, even be brainwashed by some pseudo-religious cults into thinking that they have "changed" but they always revert to what they were born as.

Think of it this way: white/light-skinned people cannot permanently change their skin color, Hispanic people cannot stop being Hispanic, and a blond haired person cannot stop being blond. Sure, the Hispanic guy may stop speaking Spanish for the rest of his life, but he was born speaking it, and when other people speak it around him, he will understand every single word. The light-skinned person can lie out on the beach in the sun and get a deep tan, but that will fade come the winter. A blond girl can dye her hair brown or black, but before long her roots will start showing and everyone will know she is really a blond.

Recent scientific research has shown that homosexual men and women have real, measurable differences in brain chemistry. Differences that canNOT be altered by introducing outside chemicals (like medicines or hormones). It's just in the beginning stages, but I believe further research will prove beyond any doubt that homosexuality is NOT A CHOICE...it is the way some people are born.

Someone above said that there were no gay people in the past....how ridiculous!!! There are historical records of homosexuality going back to ancient Greece, ancient Egypt and ancient China. And that's just what we call "recorded" history...stuff that was written down after humanity invented writing.

Anyone that wants to can also find dozens of sources that document homosexual behavior in "dumb" animals...not just somebody's neutered dog humping a human leg, but homosexual dolphins, deer, rabbits, monkeys, ducks, elephants, and penguins. Those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Stop trying to change things that cannot be changed. Accept that God created homosexuals just like He created you.

Answer 3

Anyone who said 'yes' to this question doesn't know their as$ from their elbow about gay people. It is not something you have control over - you have feelings for the same gender by nature, not by choice! The only thing people choose to do is to pursue their feelings or not. But even if a gay person doesn't act on their feelings, it DOESN'T CHANGE what's inside. All it does is satisfy the church people and destroys the gay person's life by filling it with lies and pain. A lesbian would be MISERABLE with a man as her partner and she wouldn't want sex with him, she'd want his SISTER! A gay man would also feel empty inside and he'd be miserable trying to live up to other people's fantasies or expectations. It's not right or fair to ask gay people to give up their identity or ask them to live a bunch of lies and misery.

Answer 4

I think that people can go against their nature and "act" straight.

I don't think that this makes them straight -- just unhappy. Plus, no telling what the long-term impact is going to be, esp. if the person acting straight starts getting some on the side and brings an STD home, starts abusing drugs, has an affair, or whatever that person needs to do to live a lie called "normal."

Answer 5

No... Well, church is so freaking booooooooring... Um, every married couple I know sucks and a normal straight life would be so bleh. Who wants normal? I'd rather be hated for liking other men, just because of that fact. Fun!

Answer 6

I don't think a person could choose to stop being gay any more then they could choose to stop being straight.Imagine a heterosexual person being told that who they are is a choice and a bad choice and they need to change.Do you think they could or would?

It doesn't matter what sounds right and what sounds wrong.The fact is, we love who we love and are attracted to who we are attracted to because that is who we are, gay or straight.And as long as nobody is being hurt and no laws are being broken then there really isn't even a reason to force yourself to stop being who you are.So why would anyone want to stop being who they are just because it happens to not be popular among some rather hateful people?

Answer 7

Why would anyone want to stop being gay? You can go to church, buy broccoli like everyone else and, yes, get married. Just do it!

Answer 8

One cannot change their sexual orientation voluntarily through assisted means (e.g. therapy). However, there are those who appear to have changed their orientation - normally bisexuals, who experience fluctuations in their attractions towards males and females.

What you need to deal with are the anxieties surrounding your sexual orienation (assuming its you who's having issues). Does one have to go to church, get married, have kids in order to be worthwhile? How does none of this make someone less worthwhile as a person?

Answer 9

Yes... I answer yes because everyone else says no. Also, if during the early life of human beings there was no gay people, there must be something which makes them gay. That something may also make people become not gay too... (don't get it huh? me neither..)

Answer 10

No! Some people (claim) they are changed, but I don't believe it! I think they are trying to follow the good book and (appear) changed but in reality, it is there just under the surface, and it will NEVER just go away! I believe a persons sexual desire will NEVER change! If you are attracted to something, you are attracted to something and that's the way it is! That's what makes you, you!