a glance at the sky one last time before it all caves in. our wings helped none, but i swear i'll keep trying to fly since falling for you isn't good enough. smile and say you hate me while i choke back these razors falling down my face. snow pierces my skin as i'm running trying to grasp you and the concept of losing all i've lived for. frost bite outlines my smile and heart. it's warmer in your eyes, so open them back up to me so i can breathe in and smell the skin i used to kiss. i hoped for more than you can offer...a day without regret for the rest of my life. thanks to me learning how to cope....i live.
2006-06-19 18:43:26 · 16 answers · asked by playaninstrument 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
6
2006-06-19 18:45:43 · answer #1 · answered by Judas Rabbi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
3
2006-06-20 01:46:55 · answer #2 · answered by onyxa girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7
2006-06-20 08:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8
2006-06-20 01:47:30 · answer #4 · answered by Maloy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I give this one a 7, your prose is beautiful, but you need to make it a poem form. Just an outpouring of words does not a poem make even as lovely and as emotional as they are...an example using your words:
Glancing at the sky one last time
Before it all caves in.
Our wings helped none.
Falling for you is not good enough,
Yet I keep trying to fly.
Smile while you say you hate me
And I'll choke back these razors falling on my face.
***Just a poets suggestion*** Keep up the good work!
2006-06-20 02:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by b_friskey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
9
2006-06-20 01:53:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 1/2 to 4. Good in parts, a little overdone in parts. i get the image your trying to portray, but the metaphor of "snow piercing your skin" doesn't work. The snow could fall on your skin and feel like___.
Good luck!
2006-06-20 01:53:25 · answer #7 · answered by keri gee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
9/10. You are a great poet.
2006-06-20 14:45:23 · answer #8 · answered by Sumara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8 again go to school for creative writing and music, makes me think twice about all those times i told someone I hated him
2006-06-20 01:56:48 · answer #9 · answered by amby pamby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5. some good parts but crappy for most =p
2006-06-20 04:29:51 · answer #10 · answered by H Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋