Unhealthy unborn child-to have or not to have?

Question

Deep question amongst some coworkers. If you found out while you were pregnant that your child was going to be retarded would you consider an abortion or adoption or keep the child? How would we judge that parent if they didn't want to keep the child? Is it fair to bring a retarded child into this world? Would YOU want to be born?

Answer 1

there are soo many things that factor into that decision. At this point in my life I would choice not to keep the child, and I'll tell you why. first off i am only 20 years old and myself and my husband do not have the money need to care for a child that is special needs. I also do not have the Patience to deal with that kind of stuff. Also my son is only 17 months old, I don't think it will be fair to him to bring a child in the world that would take up all the Attention. plus I don't really think its fair that a person has to live a life like that. but everyone one is different.
this was a really good question I cant wait to read all the other people's responses.

Answer 2

I would keep a mentally retarded baby. Abortion is not an option. Just because the baby would have special needs does not mean it isn't human. Could you kill a human? Just because it's life might be a little different...wouldn't it still be a life? As far as what I would think of somebody else...I try not to judge. I don't know her parenting skills, income, health, or living conditions. If adoption is what is better for the unborn child and a good capable family can be lined up before the birth so that the child doesn't sit in foster care; then maybe adoption could be an option.

Answer 3

Well, given that I was once a baby who doctors said would likely be retarded (I'm not, BTW, but that's a whole other story...), I would have to think long and hard about what to do if I was pregnant with a child they predicted would have retardation. I would certainly NOT have an abortion, however. (My question would not be "abortion or adoption" but "could I handle it because of my own limitations or should I adopt it out to someone who could".) First off, there is a chance they could be wrong. Secondly, retardation comes in degrees. Even in people with the same diagnosis, there are different levels of retardation. Although many people think a life with developmental disabilities is one not worth living, I have met a few people who prove otherwise.

Some people would judge parents who didn't want to keep the child harshly; however, you have to look at all sides: would it be better to never have existed, or to have parents who are abusive or unloving or incapable? Would it be better to have parents who didn't know how to handle you and just stumbled along but loved you anyway? But part of the problem is that there are not a lot of people out there seeking to adopt who want to adopt a child with developmental disabilities...

Is it "fair"? Well....given that there are a lot of people with disabilities who live lives every bit as happy and meaningful as those who are supposedly "normal", I would suggest "fair" is not an appropriate standard.

Would I want to be born if I was going to be retarded? That would depend on factors other than just the existence of retardation...if it implied that I was otherwise OK and not an invalid or severely physically disabled, then why NOT? I've known a number of "retarded" people who are happy and sociable and enjoy many of the same things "normal" people do. Retardation alone doesn't necessarily imply a miserable, unhappy existence...and much of the "disability" comes not from the retardation, but from the inadequacies of the educational/vocational/medical systems to handle such people appropriately.

Answer 4

Well I am pregnant and I would keep the child because miracles do happen. I would give the child all the love I could because God gives us our children for a reason. Some people aren't able to handle all of the stress of a special needs child and I wouldn't judge them if they gave the baby up for adoption because they're doing what's in the best interest for their family. As far as asking if it is fair, life isn't fair, but we deal with it. I would want to born if I was retarded just so that I had the chance at life that God intended. These "retards" are still people and they're just a little more special. If people would appreciate the good in others it wouldn't matter as much if we all had mental handicaps.

Answer 5

I have never been retarded, so I don't know what goes through a mentally retarded person's mind. I can say, however, that most mentally disabled people I've seen/know (and not just retarded...autistic, downs syndrome, etc.) don't seem to be any worse for the wear that they're here. In fact, most of them look/act very peaceful, happy and at ease with themselves. Why would it be unfair to bring a child like that into this world? They have a right to live just like anyone else as far as I can see.

Why would a pregnant woman want to abort her baby for being retarded? Because it means a lifetime of hard work for the parents...harder than raising a "normal" baby, anyway? Well pooh pooh to her. I would NEVER abort a baby, disabled or not. This baby was created for a reason. If the woman didn't have a spontaneous miscarriage, then the baby was meant to live. I would keep the baby. This baby is a tiny, sweet little human being that's part of my husband and myself. Why would I want to kill him or give him away?

Answer 6

Honestly, I would keep my child no matter what. My younger brother was born epileptic. What if my mom had aborted him? I would have no sibling. The greatest gift in the world is love. There is always a slight chance that test results could come back wrong too. Not a very good chance but a chance ya know. I almost lost my daughter numerous times when I was pregnant. We expected the unexpected and had her. She is a beautiful, healthy 1 year old now. I'd say thats up to the parents though. If they could handle having a retarded child, then I saw to have it. If they couldnt handle a retarded child, then thats their choice.

Answer 7

My son has Down syndrome and I cannot imagine life without him. He is a joy each and every day and he can do just about anything any other child can do...it just takes him a little longer. He is happy, healthy and my husband and I will give him every opportunity to reach his full potential. I know a lot of children with DS and they have a perfectly fine quality of life, they just need to be given opportunities. I cannot imagine terminating a pregnancy for this reason. More often than not I think these terminations are because the parents don't want the stigma...they are not concerned about the life of the child. There are waiting lists of people who want to adopt children with DS. And having a developmental disability is not "unhealthy". It is not a disease.

For those who would terminate such a pregnancy, what would you do if you had a perfectly "normal" child who later, due to some injury or illness, became developmentally disabled? Would you give them up or want to have them killed?

Answer 8

I am the mother of two healthy children (thank God). If I knew the baby would be born retarded, yes I would abort. Maybe that sounds mean, but I know my limitations. I work hard at being a good mom to two kids who are "normal". A special needs child is beyond my personal capabilities. I will not pretend to be something I am not. Adoption is a waste, because what would you choose if you were going to adopt. A special needs kid or one who was healthy?? I know I am probably the minority and people will be angry at this post, but it's my honest opinion to which I am entitled. For all those moms out there with special needs kids, my heart and hat goes out to you. You are the strongest women in the world. I have nothing but respect for those mothers. Maybe that is why God gave me a healthy brood...he knew I couldn't handle it otherwise. That doesn't mean that special needs kids mothers' didn't deserve a healthy child, but perhaps God knew they were strong enough to handle it.

Answer 9

Well, I wouldn't want to be born with a serious mental defect. And I've worked with mentally slow kids who wish they were "normal". For me personally, I am not the kind of person who would be patient enough to have a challenged child. I know that I would not do a good job. So I would most like consider abortion because it's very hard to adopt out a less than normal child. Call me a sinner, whatever. But at least I know myself enough to know what I can and can't do....

Answer 10

Tough question..It would depend on the quality of life the baby would have. I would not want to be retarded, but I was given the choice to abort my daughter. We were told she would be severly retarded due to a car wreck I had when I was pregnant. We chose to take the chance and she was born missing her left hand, but other wise perfectly healthy and normal. She is a beautiful 6 yr old now. Thank god for the choice I made. She makes A and B honor roll, and I can't imagine life without her. It goes to show, not all things are as they may seem.