We have talked about it time and time again and I don't mind that. But we have 3 wonderful kids under five years old and I am so very afraid that if I do go through with this it will forever change our marriage and wreck us forever.
Can anyone offer advice? Should I just give in and shut up? Or should I walk away forever?
I know truefully that I can not deal with this anymore. It's all he talks about and searches threesome porn all the time... it just never ends....
Please Please Please help!!!!!!
thanks in advanced.
2006-06-19 17:32:30 · 30 answers · asked by Bay Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Every b-day, Every anniversary (for 21 years) that is all i heard was "All I want is a three way". Well I gave in and needless to say we are headed for divorce court. And yes it was my decision! And yeah it was a tuff decision! But i am doing it and i feel better for it. When people talk about the intent to cheat was always there i believe in my heart that it is true. What i did was give him the permission that he needed, in turn what i received was the attitude that i was the bad guy, that i did something wrong just so he could ease his guilt. After I announced to family and friends that i was getting a divorce, he wasted no time going out and telling my friends and family that i am gay and leaving him for another woman (Yeah this after 22 yrs of marriage and the constant nagging). Watch your step Honey, my advice to you is to stand your ground tell him to get off your back or it is over. I could go on and on but i will spare you all the other details.
2006-06-20 14:27:40 · answer #1 · answered by loveandathreeway 1 · 12⤊ 1⤋
I guess my first question is are you open to it or are you dead set against it? If open to it, do you feel like you relationship is very secure (are either of you the jealous type)? If you are not open to it and/or your relationship is not very secure, then I would suggest that you don't pursue it and explain to your husband that it just isn't something that you want to pursue and if he cannot get past it maybe counseling is in order or a separation/divorce so he can pursue it if it is that important to him. On the other hand, if you are also curious and you feel your relationship is strong - then quit worrying about what others might think and have some fun. Suggest to your husband that you would prefer to go slowly with it by possibly hot tubbing with this third person until your comfort level increases and you get a sense for whether you would like to proceed further. Easier said than done, but sex is about having fun as long as both agree on what kind of fun they want to have. You should have an equal voice in this decision, and he should respect that. If you don't feel comfortable, he should drop it. Hope it works out for you.
Joe
2006-06-19 18:06:28 · answer #2 · answered by ur_ave_joe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Physical fights, police being called, bitterness, everything but infidelity? This marriage is over. You are just afraid to move on, don't be. Try for an amicable divorce, which may not be possible given your history, but staying together will only further damage your children. They've already witnessed enough to warrant some counseling for them! It would take a lot of very hard work to save this marriage and it just doesn't seem that you'd both be able to pull it off given your history. Sorry.
2016-03-15 10:04:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should do anything that goes against your marriage vows. Why your husband would want to involve you and he in such an act when you are married is beyond me. Having another person in bed will wreck your marriage - I don't care what your husband says. There will be infidelity, distrust, and jealousy - among other things.
Tell him how you feel and if he can't respect that and understand that you are looking out for the best interests of your marriage (as he should be) then you might suggest marriage counseling. He is obviously going through something where he is wanting another partner for some reason.
2006-06-19 17:55:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!! what is it with men? You obviously love your husband or you wouldn't be asking for advice. My suggestion is to not do anything you're not comfortable with. If he can't respect that then he can't respect you. If it's important to you to save your marriage i suggest couples counseling. Maybe there's an underlying reason why he wants a 3some so bad, maybe it's not about sex at all. And maybe the reason you're giving as to why you don't want one isn't the real reason at all. Someone with an unbiased opinion will help you 2 talk about it and answer the big "WHY" question. I would try to get to the root of the issue before throwing in the towel, but I definitely wouldn't compromise myself for any man!
Good luck
2006-06-19 18:43:20 · answer #5 · answered by toffee326 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there!
Everyone is bored with the same sex life sometime in life, but when you are married or committed to someone for the whole life it comes to respecting the feelings of others too. If your hubby is asking you to do something that can jeopardize your long term relationship, then you should be real serious on this issue.
Even if you give in you will be facing it more than once the mental truma and the agony and its not simply the end of the road. It will be coming again and again on your path. Let me tell you dear, Life always gives you a weapon in your hand before you enter into a fight. If you are thinking about your kids and there future, are you sure enough that the future of your kids will be secure if you give in? and what will be the mental situation if ever they find out about all this?
Dont know how you are thing because i am not a female, but even being a male i think you should seek help and hold back your stand and not just give in if he needs something he will get it anyways but if you are not comfortable, you have to make a stand for yourself and your kids.
Best of luck.
some decisions are hard to be taken, and you have to take them yourselves but remember friend, many private decisions always influence many of our closemates. So listen to your heart and do what it says.
Take care!
2006-06-19 17:45:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is as close as divorce court, your husband has a fetish that is only going to get stronger. Even if you did give in and did it one time --- he'll very likely bother you about doing it again and again because that's what he gets off on. Too bad that there are children involved, but after you divorce him be sure to file for child support...then go find a decent normal man. Remember that you have to set a good example for your kids.
2006-06-19 17:57:19 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine25 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the problem here is evident by the fact that he's on the internet searching threesome porn all the time...That is an addiction and not a healthy one at that. This guy needs help. He obviously has low self esteem and is trying to drag you and your family down with him. He's a sick dude and needs help. Don't do this to "save your marriage" because marriage with a porn addicted, no self esteemed husband is not much of a marriage is it.
2006-06-19 17:44:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a mans point of view without all the bull. Don't even think of doing it. It will haunt you till you die. HE WILL NOT BE SATISFIED. It's in his mind that he thinks this will be so great but he will become a monster if it happens. If you touch the other person and he sees you it will open the door for all kinds of insecurities to come out and you will spend the rest of you married life listening to him ask why you..."touched that way, kissed him/her that way...sucked this or that and it will never end. If he is asking specifically for you and another woman then tell him you will agree to him and another man and that the other man gets to have you first...while he watches. That should stop his selfishness.
2006-06-19 17:43:09 · answer #9 · answered by art_fart 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I echo the prior advice. You two have reached an impasse. You need to have a third party of a different kind. A counsellor who can delve into why your husband wants/needs this in your relationship, especially when you are not enthusiastic. Try the counselling before you cut and run. Try to find one who will guide you through this matter rather than sit idly by and never really give you the advice you need. At minimum you can look back and rest assured that you gave the relationship a very good shot.
2006-06-19 17:41:22 · answer #10 · answered by c_schumacker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋