this takes me further than what i wanted, but who complains when her world is floating around your eyes and you're so nervous to open them because nothing so tremendously gorgeous has been presented to the poor things- no sunsets, skylines, not even a million shooting stars parading across a black sky compares to the two diamonds that could buy another planet, yet i wouldnt trade for the love of anyone else, yet if somehow i dont receive this love, id just die there slowley, gladly if she'd at least watch me.
2006-06-19 17:20:31 · 33 answers · asked by playaninstrument 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
whoah!!! for me, that's a perfect 10!!! because i like any writings about love.. poems or whatever it is about love.. even if it is sad..
2006-06-19 17:24:40 · answer #1 · answered by g25_19_21p 5 · 10⤊ 0⤋
3
2006-06-19 17:24:56 · answer #2 · answered by Matt B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8
2006-06-19 17:23:31 · answer #3 · answered by NannyMcPhee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I give you a 6. While describing a strong feeling there is nothing more. You describe a feeling that we have all had but I feel that there should be more to art. Art should speak out calling subtly to it's drinker for a change of perception or action. Poetry and the use of words describe feelings, but we don't read them merely to feel, we read them to experience a change in perception. I personally don't feel this greatly. Rating art in the first place is in my mind a foolish thing to do in the first place
Also your grammar mistakes although not large are still distracting to the reader. I bet that it would look better in stansa form though that may just be yahoo answers changing it. Best of luck in your writings!
2006-06-19 17:39:01 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"presented to the poor things" is cheesy. "I'd just die there slowly, gladly if she'd at least watch me" you can't get away with something like that without the background and character development of Wuthering Heights. Otherwise the reader cannot accept the depth of it. You also spelled slowly wrong. You have potential, you just seem immature. Keep at it.
2006-06-19 17:44:55 · answer #5 · answered by purplepaint 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try putting this into a poetic form and don't change from 1st person to 3rd person in the middle of a sentence. Maybe shorten the sentences some, I'd give it a 5. I like some of your imagery though
2006-06-19 17:28:04 · answer #6 · answered by b_friskey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, I just kept smiling the more I read this saying. I could fall in love with someone saying that to me. Whom ever you give this thought to should be amazed and lost in the love that you have expressed. I rate this a definite 10++
2006-06-26 14:06:15 · answer #7 · answered by danni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you said that all in one breath. Try a little punctuation.
Other than that.... Did you write that? That's some serious talent. I'd say the 7.5 could go up to a 9.5 with a little punctuation. It's nice work.
2006-06-19 17:38:38 · answer #8 · answered by 42ITUS™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love that
On a scale of 1-10 u definetly deserve a 20!!
2006-06-19 17:23:05 · answer #9 · answered by Patrice H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great deapth and wonderful vivid similes. I think there is alot of feeling behind that. but I am gonna have to go with about an 8.
2006-06-19 17:25:21 · answer #10 · answered by soulmate_n_nc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
write a cure like layered guitar part to go under it- record- and youve got the next 80s goth rock derived hit that will show the emo kids what its really all about
2006-06-19 17:24:43 · answer #11 · answered by ffeJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋