I don't forgive easily, because i truly believe that means forgetting, and i can't?

Question

is this the right attitude

Answer 1

Forgiving and forgetting are NOT the same thing. Forgiving a wrong means you are not carrying that with you all the time. If you don't forgive, you are letting the other person hurt you constantly. Why do you do that? You can remember what happened & take steps to prevent it from happening again. You sound like you are letting others control you. Forgiveness lets you regain some control.

Answer 2

To forgive a person you need to let go of the bad feelings towards that person. You don't have to pretend they're a good person if they aren't. You can not trust a person - or even dislike a person - but still forgive them. Forgiving that person is simply not worrying about them - not dwelling on whatever they did. Letting go.

If you're having a tough time letting go, it's probably because you have some pride issues mixed up with whatever bad thing happened. Maybe the person embarrassed you. Or hurt you. Or maybe they were mean and you weren't fast enough on your feet to make a proper retort. (That's usually my problem.)

Let's say you're at work and a co-worker calls you stupid. Now, your first feeling may be shock and resentment, but then, you decide to hold your tongue, because that's what you feel you "ought" to do. Don't do that. Follow your first instinct and call the person on their offense.

The truth is, forgiveness is a lot easier if you feel you've defended yourself properly. (This is the same as how it's easier to dump than to be dumped) Take time, look deep inside (and be honest), and learn what you need to do to avoid feeling humiliated after a negative confrontation. It will take some time, but if you do, I promise forgiveness will come naturally and without effort.

Answer 3

I don't forgive easily, either. I took this forgiveness test and got 30%. Yes, people do say "I forgive you" and there's this saying forgive and forget. so, obviouslly, your philosophy is like 100% true. When you forgive and keep thinking about it, it'll bring about anger. So, how can that be forgiving? Most people can't forget a memory. I think that when they say forgive, they mean don't think about it, as a person can't just erase the memory off their brain. It's like, imposssible. Besides, we don't have those cool gadgets of the MIB that makes you forget whatever they want you too. I am working on trying to forgive more, and maybe you should... for your health, at least. Not forgiving can bring about anger, and so it raises your blood pressure, and you can like, become unhealthy. All the best!

Answer 4

Forgiving isn't easy. The prescription is to forgive and forget but you can't force yourself to literally forget something. But you can let it go. That means to quit putting energy into it. Don't spend time thinking up ways to get even or telling other people how awful the person was. If the other person has done something to you that endangers you and has made no effort to make amends forgetting would be unwise. The best way to forgive is to be sure you are safe and the person won't do it to you again, either because they have seen the error of their ways and are committed to setting it right or because you have put yourself someplace beyond their reach. And then quit thinking about it. Find other people and other things to think about. Putting energy into thinking about the past drains all your creativity from the present.

Answer 5

It is not necessary to forget but forgiving is a must. Forgiving a wrong done to you allows you to move forward and is more of a catalyst in your own life to become a better person. Forgetting is actually the opposite when you consider that if you try to forget the wrong, it allows the person to try and redo the hurt, forgiving just gives them a chance to make up for the pain they caused.. Forgetting also might allow you to do the same act to someone else in which case you would need their forgivness.

Answer 6

forgiving people don't necessarily mean to forget because nobody can forget what happened but remember when you forgive it makes you a better person for it so try to change the attitude about not forgiving if you don't forgive how do you expect to be forgiven for something that you intern may need to be forgiven

Answer 7

If you don't forgive, you're keeping a resentment; the resentment will suck the life out of you, meanwhile, the person you're holding the resentment against (or not forgiving) isn't wasting their time thinking about you. You have to forgive or it'll make YOU miserable. Here's the way I look at it--just because you FORGIVE, it doesn't mean you're saying it's okay, or that you're going to ever let that person get into the position of hurting you again, you just gotta let it go for your own good!! Remeber, Let Go, Let God, and everything always works out just exactly the way it's supposed to.

Answer 8

Forgiving and forgetting really are two separate things. I can forgive a person if he/she is truly sorry. However, I do have a hard time trusting that person for a long time.

Answer 9

You can forgive without forgetting. If you burn your hand on a flame, you will remeber not to touch it again. Even though the flame hurt you, it may still have merit and value. If the flame gets out of control you can put it out and try another flame.

As humans we can not control the way we feel. We could witness the same event, It might make you cry and cause me to laugh. Is either one of us wrong? NO. We just feel differently about what we witnessed. That piece of advise was given to me and it always seems to work. I just have to put myself in the other persons shoes and try to understand that they may not "feel" the way I do. So you try to compromise.

Answer 10

I believe it does not entail forgetting.

You can forgive someone, and hold no grudge, but not allow them the oppertunity to hurt you again in the same way, because you have not forgotten.

So you can still talk, and whatever, but not be very good friends.