Is my husband gay?

Question

I'm wondering if my husband could be gay. It may sound like a dumb question but I don't think so. He has porn pictures on his computer some are girls but he also has just pictures of guys. He's not very loving toward me and we are still newlyweds. We only have sex about once a week if that and I feel I beg for it. I think he might like guys. He always seems to want to be around guys more than girls and I don't know I just have a weird feeling about it.....plus he told me once when he was a kid he was naked with a guy friend and got caught kissing him.

Also everyone is telling me to talk to him about it... I have many times and he just gets mad at me for saying that...as for the one person that said he could have had the guys pictures by accident...nope he saves all these pictures to his computer and has a file just for the guys pictures.

Oh I forgot to say to the person that said don't have kids...we have one on the way due in Sept.

Answer 1

Sounds like he might be gay, but is afraid to yet admit it to himself. I know a few gay men who married, fathered children only to come out much, much later in life. If he is gay, he is probably very tormented about what to do. He probably does love you, but not in love with you.

Answer 2

My EX husband is gay. I would definitely divorce this man - he has more than likely been having affairs behind your back with men. Since my divorce I have found out that my ex had numerous affairs with men while we were married even though I didn't have a clue it was going on. This is a very bad situation that you are in and I feel for you because I have been there. Get out - there is no way to salvage this relationship unless you are willing to give up the rest of your life and your happiness for him. You deserve to find a man to love you like you should be loved. I have and it wasn't until I met my husband that I realized just how bad and unloving my first (gay) husband was. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 3

Wow, you are in a pickle....

Touchy touchy subject.

okay, so if he is "A" typical OVER macho closeted Bi and/or Gay living in a straight relationship, you could have some issues.

Number one: Seek professional help. FOR YOURSELF.

This is why I say this: A professional therapist can listen to your FULL discription of his behavior, evaluate it and assist you in figuring out what is wrong.

Now, what you can do at home....

First: be a little on the Tom Boy side for a while. Where a baseball cap and be a little forceful in bed. See if he's into a little role reversal. Ease into as not to alarm him, but you may find that he's not interested in guys sexually, but perhaps envious of some for their qualities that he doesn't have.

However, if indeed he is Bi or Gay. You have to determine if you truly love him and are willing to do what it takes. Are you willing to let a man enter your relationship and your bed to satisfy your husband's certain needs. Or are you willing to strap-on a pseudo penis and be his boyfriend for the night?

I don't know.... but what I do know is this.
Having a child right now is only complicating things WAY MORE.

Whatever you do, do it fast and do it completely. Having little people while you and your husband aren't CLICKING, can be major trouble. I know, been there.... done that.

Can't say I think guys are attractive and I would never save images of them... seen some Transexuals that were hot though.
Even making a documentary about them.

Good Luck sweetheart and may God be with you and your Child.

Answer 4

why don't you ask your husband? None of what you say except the fact you have a gut feeling about it would point definately in that direction. Kids experiment with opposite genders a lot of times, so his little fling as a kid doesn't really count. But your gut feeling counts. Ask him. The sooner you know for sure, the sooner you can get out and move on. Being married to a gay man isn't fair to anyone and it's a recipe for an unhappy life.

Answer 5

Suspect, from what you say, he is a closet case and doesn't know it yet. Don't go ranting and raving at him...he is as bewildered by this as you are...and may not really have a clue..but the signs are there. If he finds out he is, cut him free kindly, remain friends, and go about your lives. Be very careful about having children at this point. Could muddy up the water. Don't get me wrong, Gay dads are better than straight ones are, spend more time with the kids, etc. But it will muddy up the waters and make divorce more difficult if it comes to that.

Answer 6

why don't you ask your husband? None of what you say except the fact you have a gut feeling about it would point definately in that direction. Kids experiment with opposite genders a lot of times, so his little fling as a kid doesn't really count. But your gut feeling counts. Ask him. The sooner you know for sure, the sooner you can get out and move on. Being married to a gay man isn't fair to anyone and it's a recipe for an unhappy life.

Answer 7

he's most likely gay. I am a gay man speaking from exerience, I dated women and was in relationships with women because so many people in my life expected that from me, deep down I was unhappy, because I thought about being with men all the time. I had pics of men on my laptop. just understand that he's probably going through a difficult time with accepting himself as a gay man. I know I did for a long time. being gay in a straight world is difficult. don't let this ruin the friendship you have with him, and try not to take it personal. give him time to decide what he wants. if he was bi he would still want to have sex with you more than once a week. when I was having sex with my ex I would think about being with men. you've caught him with a guy already. so theres a good chance this is nothing new to him.

Answer 8

I guess only he knows that. If he is being open with himself. You need to be sure that he is completely comfortable talking to you. He can't be open with you if he fears judgement or rejection. I'd tend to agree with those who suggest he is bi.

I was with a bi guy for seven years. We had great sex. It was a great relationship that I don't regret at all. However, after seven year I had to get out. I became paranoid that he was keeping secrets or cheating on me, or that he would cheat on me in the future. This happens regularly in straight relationships too though. Just read some of these yahoo questions. Cheating is a human thing.

My concern is not that he might be gay, but that he is not very loving towards you. That is definitely not alright.

Answer 9

I'm sorry you have to go through this..You've got to go with your gut feeling..You husband's chances of being gay is probably about 99.9%.
It's so selfish that your husband would marry you, knowing he's unsure about his sexuality. Not to mention there will be a child soon involved.
I usually don't recommend divorce..But before making any decisions you need to get the solid proof you need to move on. And if he's gay, you'll practically begging for sex, he's probably sleeping with other guys and putting you/baby's health at risk. I'm sure by being pregnant you were tested for STD's to include HIV. I suggest you talk to him. This is your life you are talking about..Not to mention the life of an innocent child.

Answer 10

wow this is a blast from the past for me. I was married many years to a man and had three children. He never really enjoyed sex and didn't want it that often. There were rumors of him being gay before we married. I chose to not believe them. All his actions, behaviours and how he looked shouted "gay" gay" gay"
it was so difficult for me as a wife to try and trust him. It got tough when the kids friends friends told them their dad was definatly gay. /And when I confronted my x abuot this, he would say. he didn't care what other people thought. One time he asked me to pull a couple of bucks out of his brief case. I came across a bunch of pictures,. it never entered my mind that I wasn't suppose to look at them. They were pictures he took of himself around the pool-- very gay looking. I almost passed out.
I gave so many years to this man. My one child tried to killl himself several times because of his dad. The kid gathered stuff on the internet of stuff his dad was looking at
. I stayed in the marriage too many years and I paid the price big time. My children have suffered more than I can explain. Don't stay for the kid. Stay becasue you trust your man and love him. Leave if you are haunted by the gay rumors. If your gutt tells you something is wrong, then it might be.
I can't really tell you what to do. I just know that I wasted so many years. If your gut is telling you something then listen to it. And about the male pictures he saves.........thats a huge clue right there. My son who constantly tried to kill himself becasue of his dad had collected evidence against his dad. Don't let your family get to that place.
I see myself in you. email me if you need to

Answer 11

Well he is probably bi-sexual at the very least. This does not ever go away. So if this is something you have trouble dealing wth, get out now! He will probably never admit to it but there are ways to find out. This is not a good life for any one! I have been with my bi-sexual hubby for 10 years. It has caused me so much grief. I can not emplore you enough!!!! GET OUT NOW!!!!! There are so many issues ahead for you. If you have low self esteam this is not a healthy relationship. You will find someone who loves and desires only you. Trust me. I have soooo much knowledge and experience on this subject. Don't even get me started!!!!