Broken hearted and bitter......?

Question

I was seeing a married man for about 5 months. I know stupid. Karma always kicks ya. He promised me over and over again that his marriage was almost over he was just finishing the technicallities. Long story short he never really ended things with me continued to stay married and is now having an affair with yet another woman (a stripper none the less). I am hurt - I deserve to be hurt because I shouldnt have gotten involved in the first place but still feeling pain like I have never felt before. There are numerous ideas going through my head. I want him to hurt because he lied to me amongst many other people. Should I tell his wife everything? Show her the emails he sent saying how much he didnt want to be with her? How he couldnt wait for us to be a family? All the promises he made me and never kept. I dont think its fair that she isnt aware of all this. She knew about me but not the new chick. Or am I just going to create more problems? They have 2 small kids together as well.

Answer 1

Sweetie, you fell for the oldest trick in the book. Same story different person. They NEVER leave their wives! Trust me, she knows everything that went on, and she won't be surprised about the new one either. I know it doesn't feel that way but, you are the LUCKY one. If you two did get together, you would always be wondering if he was cheating on you, and most likely he would have been. She sits at home every night KNOWING he's cheating. If she's ok with her husband treating her like a piece of crap, then feel sorry for her. The best thing you can do is just to let the whole situation go. Move on and find someone who isn't married and who will treat you like the queen you are. Don't waste your time on a habitual cheater. Thank your lucky stars.

Answer 2

If you were in his wife's place, the more you would get hurt to know the things that went between your husband and the other woman. You wouldn't want to experience that, would you? Don't ever think of doing that for that would make you less a professional woman. At least, you now know the real color of the man you're having an affair with and you should run away from him as fast as you could before it is too late. You don't deserve him, neither does his wife. Let his wife give him the revenge that he deserves, not you.

What you could do is to call his wife, ask for forgiveness from her, and tell her that you would leave him because you realized that you could have destroyed their family. Stress the fact that you have wronged her but now you are giving her the commitment that you would not see him ever again. And be true to that commitment.

The mere fact that her husband has another woman other than you means that he really is a philanderer and men like that cannot be trusted.

Move on with the the hope in your heart that you will find the right man for you who is deserving of your love. Good luck.

Answer 3

I was in this place once upon a time and understand the bitterness that you feel. When I found out that the magic man was lying to me (what a shocker!) I ended things quickly only to find out that he had been seeing the wife's best friend as well. I was hurt so deeply that I wanted to tell her everything. She didn't know about any of the girls and I wasn't the first that he had fooled around with. I was ashamed and humiliated. They will never leave their wives, and if by some miracle they decide to...they will realize that they are once again free and will not want to answer to any one (which, hell...even I can understand that one). So never believe the hype and don't get emotionally involved with an unavailable person. I know that we all have to learn the difficult way; but time will heal. Sorry honey.

Answer 4

if Karma kicked you, don't you think it'll kick him too? as I was always told, once a cheater, always a cheater. being the "other woman" is not cool at all, and even if he did leave her, how could you trust him? what makes you think there won't be another "other woman"?

preaching aside, I think you should tell her. apologize to her: what you did was wrong and you know it. confession is sometimes good for the soul. tell her however much you think she needs to hear (although she may snap if you tell her too much), and certainly tell her about the new chickie on the block. After that, promise her you will disappear from her and his life. then do it. don't look back, don't be involved. if you are subpoenaed later for some reason, show up, and do the best you can to make things right.

Above all, learn a lesson from this: HANDS OFF ATTACHED MEN. Lacy Peterson died at the hands of a psychopath who was cheating on her. be wary of men who are willing to cheat.

Answer 5

There is no good way to handle this. If he told you lies from the beginning about being seperated/divorcing, then you do not deserve bad Karma.

No one can be the judge of another human being. This is God's job. Take the burden off of your shoulders and give it to him. If you condemn someone, you too will be condemned. Kids do not need to have pictures in their heads of other women that their father was with. Put one foot in front of the other, and after a couple of weeks every day will become better than the previous.

Also, you should see a counselor...Biblical if possible, to make sure you do not get stuck in a phase of bitterness or anger.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

hmmm, well I will tell you a little story . its the truth , I know this woman that got involved with a married man it was several years ago, she got pregnant, he had strung her along for a while also. as hurt as she was, she never mentioned anything to anyone that would have gotten back to the guys wife she goes to work every single day and never asked for a dime of support. the wife never knew the dark secret her husband has. oh , he tried to say it wasn't his, which hurt her more, but during all this, knowing what she got involved with was wrong even though he had taken the marriage vows not her, never caused him any grief. that's character, she is my hero. I admire that woman more than anyone else, she could have caused lots of grief in his life but she sucked it up and moved on. what do you want to be remembered for?

Answer 7

Don't kid yourself..if you go blab, it will be from spite..and spite is not a good thing to deal with...you will live to regret it. You knew the score going in, what did you really expect....truth from a man who was cheating...come on now, you know better than that. You were lonely, he filled your life with some joy for a while...you had a good time, and luckily, it is over now...Can you imagine what your life would be like if he HAD divorced and married you..you would be where his wife is now. Count your blessings and thank him for sparing you the real ugliness. NOW, as far as that wife goes..trust me, she knows about every one of the girls, the past ones, the present ones, and knows there will be plenty of future ones. She stays for her own agenda, and I can promise you that if you write a letter to anyone, they are going to laugh at your naivete' . Cut your loses and walk away with head held high. You are the winner here, and you know it.

Answer 8

I think you should not tell about the new chick. She will find out eventually... Once a cheat always a cheat . He has to admit to his wife himself he doesnt want to be married. You dont want the kids to get hurt. Let him look like the bad guy. Try to move on. There are other fish in the sea . You deserve better than him. Good luck.

Answer 9

I'm sorry your're going through all of that. But the wisest thing to do is to tell his wife. He will just keep cheating over and over again, and sometimes those things don't end up nicely. It may cause a few problems if you tell her, but in the end, it will have helped more than hurt. It might make things a little more complicated because of the kids, depending on their ages.

Answer 10

If she knew about you and still didn't leave him then showing her more proof isn't going to change anything. I understand exactly where you are coming from. Believe me. And I know you don't think it's fair that he is now messing with a 3rd person and getting away with it and his wife knows nothing about it.
You need to accept the fact that more than likely, she will never know about this stripper he is fooling around with and just move on. You know he is no good and that he lied to you and used you and right now you want revenge, but once you start to get better, things will get better and you will get over that.
Just leave him alone. The longer you dwell on what you want to do to get revenge, the longer you are going to hurt. Just like you said, you should have known better to even get involved with him, but you didn't and so now, just learn from your mistake and just don't deal with him anymore.
Good luck. He will eventually get his.